Because we can (must)

Not my drawing, and no idea who's - if it's yours, please step up and claim it, for it is magnificent.  If I could draw - and it certainly is a talent I lack - I'd draw all sorts of wonderful monstrosities - and why not? For, I could, and if you can, I posit, you must. Why else do you have the ability?


To sing, to write, to fight, to draw, some are blessed/curse with a need to express, and the best, I find, are those mated with a warped mind. Only from the outside do we all advance. And thus, the beauty of a horse making out with a duck. 


Symbolically, of course. This edge, this "warpedness", is what allows us hoo-mons to be so fantastically inventive. And invention is what separates us from all other life on Earth, and possibly for some distance in the stellar neighborhood.

No Cats, No Steeples

Oh wait, actually: Just the opposite. And just so I'm clear, here:

North Adam Steeplecats RULE!


Also, too: God bless a world where a man can make a million dollars by simply hosting a website where other people intentionally misspell words on a picture. LOLcats indeed.

Haute Dogs

Anything for a pun. Really - I sometimes work for days in order to get to a certain picture. Crazy like that! I believe (it's been a while since I got this one) this is an actual dog restaurant in - where else? - NEW YORK CITY! I like the concept on many levels: 1. Dog is man's best friend. Don't they deserve a night out? 2. Supply and demand - if someone wants to pay for it, why not? 3. Add to the list of "thing's I'll remember fondly/ruefully after the apocalypse". Covered in soot, eating pine cones, I'll think to myself "self, remember when we were so grand as to have dog diners?"


Good times (for now)!

The Last Parody

My gods, the internet.... it's full of "The Last Supper" parodies. Everyone's got one - any TV show worth its salt, clowns, dogs (as you see a fine example here), cartoon characters, Star Wars.... but shockingly, in the 3 minutes of research I've performed, no Star Trek. Would Kirk be in the Jesus role, with Kaaaaaaaaaahn to his right? Or Picard, with Q all querulous? Hmm. Will have to consult the Trek Hive Mind. If you know of an existing Trek Last Supper parody, hit me.


And also too: I'm no religious type person, but I've read all the so called holy books and studied most of the art, for no other reason than to be well versed in parody material. Any writer/artist who would mock something must know what it is they're mocking. That is, if they want to be good at it.


You can only destroy what you truly understand.

When we lost the clowns

I don't remember a time when clowns were not considered scary, but scary in a "oh, you're terrified of clowns too?!" kinda way, you know? Like we're all suffering this fear of clowns in secret, all pretending to find them funny, still hiring them for our children's birthday parties, knowing full well we're terrifying them too.

But maybe it's just my secret shame. A GIS search for "scary clown" has no shortage of results. Now, I assume way back in the yonder, clowns were genuinely considered "fun". What changed? I suspect a large part of it is this guy:

John Wayne Gacy - the original killer clown. Quite a scary individual, and he might be the source for all this fear, for the loss of the clowns. Others jumped on the bandwagon - prime among them in my mind Stephen King's "Pennywise". And then once a meme enters the common consciousness, it takes off and lives a life of its own, such that we could all hold the idea and have no idea where it came from.  This is an autographed John Wayne Gacy picture, apparently.

Will there be a Clown Messiah, to redeem them all?

 I doubt it.

Also too:

All that said, I do recommend the movie "Shakes the Clown", but that's only because it's uber-ironic.

Everything's ironic

I hope whomever crafted these sad little clown cactus holders was intentional - otherwise? Idiot? Most naive person in existence? Sexless alien from N'argua'allaX 7? Church lady in a bubble? 


And who would put one of these in their homes? Unironically, of course. 


Ironically? Anything's possible.


Also, too: Can you overuse a question mark, really? Isn't it the sign of a good conversationalist to ask questions? Isn't it fun to end statements with an uplifted, French-like "yes"? Or "no?", or "Is it not so?" Well, huh?

Once Seen, Never Unseen

Well, the time has come, and I finally have a chance to use these pictures. As I said earlier, take it from me: Look no further than here. I trust you can get the gist of "goat...se" from these homages, yes? Because it surely is true: Once seen, never unseen. Anyways, above! A single mug in pre-production, and below, a batch ready for sale (not my creations, of course):

Pretty awesome in a 21st century post-modern ultra-ironic hipster way. Pretty awesome in lots of ways, but I'm not sure I'd drink out of one.

Speaking of irony:

And finally, a photoshop that has entered the realm of your Aunt's FW:FW:FW:FW email chains, Godse:

Mysterious ways indeed, ma'am.

It Ain't Easy

Unlike say, President of the USA (*Cough* W.), Pimp is a position you have to earn. It's not handed to you, and you don't keep it by title - everyday is a challenge. And you've got to work your way up the pimp ladder.

Whatever it takes. Have you heard of goatse? If yes, my condolences. If not, I tell you truly: Look no further than here. I'll safely guide you through it. And, isn't context hilarious? This is just a puppet, right?

Also too:

Lady Gaga Kermit Coat. She's a star!

Gone Green

More awesome art! Given an unlimited checkbook, I would stock my tree-house mansion with all manner of sci-fi and pop culture art. I mean, look at this painting! It's genius. Entitled "Vina The Longing" by an artist named I Samaras. It might be for sale. 

And if you've got a few hours to spare, go ahead and ask the great GIS about  "Star Trek Paintings". It's fascinating.

Van Gorn

Since exoplanets are all the rage these days (more to come), then let's follow what I consider a logical conclusion: That life is fairly common out there, and some small percentage of it is smart. Smart enough for clothes, for art. And given that the same physical laws apply everywhere, then planets of similar size and distance from their star, with similar chemical composition, with water, etc, will likely evolve fairly common lifeforms as here on Earth - they'll eat, reproduce, try and maximize resources, and die. Certain mechanical designs will play out in completely independent environments - how alien would alien ocean life forms look, for example? There's only so many ways to swim, or navigate on land. Maybe they have 4 arms instead of two, or tentacles instead of hands, but I don't think the differences will be that extreme - like, for counter example, a life form made of energy, or gas, or some kind of ooze, etc.


And thus, to conclude: The Gorn. Reptile-like alien lifeforms. And why not? Way back when, a smart alien lizard learns to really exploit a niche, swells in numbers, evolutionary pressures produce ever refined hunting techniques leading to tools, to fire, to technology in all its forms. There's nothing at all which says one life form or another could not become dominant in a given environment. For example, perhaps ocean worlds have super intelligent dolphin like aliens. Who knows!


The sky is literally the limit - and by sky, I mean everything.

Slouching Towards Bethlehem

A modern classic. You know that saying "I  don't know art, but I know what I like"? Well, I like this. A lot. And it's clearly art! Its all in there - click for big and take a gander at the wonder. It's our cartoon world - the very "real world" of Washington and Hollywood - the two capitals of modern fiction.

Anyone know the artist? I don't.

Another classic. I may have posted each of these before - sue me. They're great. This painting reminds me of the cliche but awesomely kick ass poem (one of the few in existence, believe me!) by William Butler Yeats, "The Second Coming":

TURNING and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.

Surely some revelation is at hand;
Surely the Second Coming is at hand.
The Second Coming! Hardly are those words out
When a vast image out of Spiritus Mundi
Troubles my sight: somewhere in sands of the desert
A shape with lion body and the head of a man,
A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun,
Is moving its slow thighs, while all about it
Reel shadows of the indignant desert birds.
The darkness drops again; but now I know
That twenty centuries of stony sleep
Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,
And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,
Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?

Awesome, right? Like a horror movie. And I think it's sadly appropriate for our times. As with everything, there are forces that wax and wane, there are times when the forces of Progress are on the march, and times when the forces of Regression are, and most of the time there is an interplay between these forces. Right now, in America at least, there is great progress on the raw demographic level - we will be that Melting Pot we were all taught America is supposed to be. But clearly - watch Fox News for a few moments, or listen to Rush - the forces of Regression are fired up and have pitchforks and torches in hand.


The question is: Can we withstand them, outlast them, and defuse them? Only time will tell - I won't care (never do ["lack all conviction"]!), since from the mountaintop it's all pretty much the same. But I'm rooting for Progress nonetheless.


Also, too: Slouching Towards Bethlehem is the name of a great - perhaps the greatest - episode of Angel. If you've ever thought about watching the show but weren't sure it was for you, check this Season 4 episode out. If you don't like it, don't bother watching anything else.

Save Yourself

I first saw this funny little saying in this comic above, some time ago, which is really effective I think in its simplicity. Not sure about the text at the bottom, though I get the joke. But in searching for this picture on the WWW, I discovered this:

Same joke, better art, yet, not as funny.


It's an interesting case study in design. 

Also, too, the "Secret of Heroes": Either heroically dumb or heroically suicidal, or some of each. Otherwise, how could you ever risk your own life to save someone else's?

Raptor Jesus Buddy Christ Went Extinct For Your Sins

But he's back! So I guess it's all good. Of course, except for you sinful. Damn you!

Redshirt's Lament 1000th Post Jesus Dinosaur Spectacular!

I know we've all been waiting for this glorious day: Friday! Or, actually, my 1000th post. The first 300-500 were crap, but I've been on a roll since then. So, without further ado, here's a series of pictures of Jesus and Dinosaurs. NOTE! There is a different meme (to come) for Raptor Jesus.

 Or, did it?

 You see here Jesus - Master Tactician. Get the Magical Unicorns to focus on each other, then you come screaming in from out of nowhere upon your trusty Saurian steed.

 But as we all can learn from Jesus: Different tools for different jobs. You don't want to roll into a new city on a Tyrannosaurus, at least not the first time.

Or full on, "Hey! Prince of Peace here, riding a vegetarian, yo."

 I ain't very religious, but from my studies, one thing is clear: Jesus loves Dinosaurs. I wonder, though,  where the dinosaurs live in heaven? Mingled amongst everyone else, or do they get their own heaven, like hogs?

 Oh, and also too: It's fun to say "Jesus Penis".

Look upon my works

Feel free to come up with a "Losing his mind" joke. Take your time, and remember: The journey is the destination.

 Do you remember? 4 TOES!!!! I miss Lost a whole bunch, but specifically, talking to others about it. As for me, I still watch Lost almost daily (it's a part of my workout routine) and I've been writing snarky episode reviews... elsewhere. If there is a clamor for these reviews here, let me know. I'd create a new section.

General rule of thumb: No matter how dumb you think something is, somewhere, someone is probably proud of it. Case in point!

 Paul Bunyan, Bangor ME. I looked upon this statue many times as a child in horror/wonder. And then disillusionment, when I learned Mr. Bunyan was in no way a part of any Maine mythology - so why is there such a prominent statue of him then? Good question! Doing my usual 60 seconds of research, I've found Mr. Bunyan statues all over America, but it does appear Bangor's claim to have the largest is accurate. Chock one up for Bangor! Hooray!

 Contractual obligation. Cool Supes statue though - I'm surprised it's not defaced.

Barack Obama Appreciation Station

You may have noticed a precipitous drop in political postings here at old Redshirt's Lament, and there's a good reason for that: I can't stand politics any more. I don't watch any news, I've stopped reading most of the political sites, and I've not read a newspaper in over a decade. That said, I still faithfully read The Economist, so I am well aware of what's happening in the world. I just skip the politics sections. Why?


Because I know all I need to know, and there's no point in trying to learn anything more. In summary: The Republican Party is actively evil, and will do everything they can to wreck America and the World. Only one man stands against them: Obama. The Democratic Party has many good people in it, but also many corporate shills and weak-spined cowards, so they can be counted on to reliably fold in the face of whatever particular crazy the Wingnuts are manufacturing that day.


And to be 100% clear: I still LOVE Obama - in fact, more than ever. He's everything I knew he'd be when I spent thousands of dollars towards his election, and actually got involved in politics - I knocked on doors! I made phone calls. And I will do it again in 2012. Till then, I rest easy in my relative ignorance, knowing Obama's there, working on my behalf. 

 
And with that, here's a bunch of Obama pictures. 

(Yeah, right - Whoomp! There it is)

 Who's more star struck here?

 These pics are near and dear my heart - taken last summer during Obama's weekend "vacation" in Acadia National Park, Bar Harbor Maine. I was born right down the road, so I consider this my homeland, and it was a great source of pride to see and read about his trip. I wish I could have visited at the same time.

 Not only is Barack a great President, but he appears to be a perfect Father as well. 

 Suck on it, racist wingnuts.

 Uh-oh, Vlad! Someone might be in the running for your "World's Sexiest Leader" title. Better hit the gym - I saw a lot of flab in those shirtless, by the river pics.

Sir, It's Bono on Line One

"And so The Edge leans over and says, 'I'm sorry ma'am, but I believe that's my wah-wah peddle."

Bono receives the "Most Orange Sunglasses on a Rock Star turned Statesman" award from the village idiot.

 "See, the key is you get them in bed first, THEN you tell them about the STD. Not the other way around!"

 "You see, I almost like leader of Russia, yes. And I am climbing up sexy ranks swiftly!"

 As with all things, Vladimir was well ahead of the times - this photo was taken in June 2001 - BEFORE 9/11 changed everything, including the creation of the obligation that all world leaders must meet with Bono. And look! Vlad brought Poodle Blair along for the visit. He must have been so excited - to actually meet Bono! Wow!


To be serious though, it's quite amazing/odd what Bono has accomplished these last twenty or so years. Who'd have thunk it? He should run for President of the World. I bet he'd win.