Long did the fans wonder: Who was this man, and what was he carrying?

He's participating in the Cloud City evacuation, of course. But you knew that. He's on screen for about 1.5 seconds.

After deep deliberation the Internet determined this is a space age ice cream maker. And who would want to leave that behind if your Cloud City was about to get blasted?

Given the Rule of Lucas #3: Anything that can be marketed will be marketed - the Internet in its great wisdom divined that we need only wait for a name for this dude. Given Star Wars novels, comics, and relentless toy machine, it was only a matter of time until he got his own action figure. And voila!
Lucas has made it so: Willrow Hood. Space age ice cream maker and deputy of security, sector 23. 

Of course the other black guy on Cloud City is named Hood. Subtle.


Fight The Powers That Be

This is Congressman Bobby Rush, speaking on the topic of the murder of Trayvon Martin. He put on the hoodie because in the days before his speech the Right Wing Pukeosphere had labeled Martin a "thug" because he was wearing a hooded sweatshirt. IE anyone wearing a hooded sweatshirt (anyone black really) is a criminal, and you know what criminals deserve here in the Land of the Free - where, just by coincidence I'm sure, we have the largest prison population in the world.

Aided mightily by the War on Drugs, which could also be called the War on Minorities. Consider this War has nothing to do with wanting folks to be clean and sober, but rather, is a tool of control, allowing the authorities to ever increase their sphere of power. And put minorities in jail.
Right now Republican legislatures across the USA are working hard to prevent minorities from voting, earning a decent wage, having any semblance of a good life. Why? Because one of the main weapons the Repuglicans wield is "Divide and Conquer". And fear of the Other - be he Black, Mexican, Homosexual, Socialist, Liberal, whatever works - is the manner in which this weapon is deployed.  You! Poor white person who's barely getting by! Vote Repuglican to stick it to those black homosexual socialists! You're better than them!

Florida's "Stand Your Ground" law is really a blank check for the shooting of minorities. But hey, Democracy!

By the by, Bobby Rush was escorted out of Congress shortly after donning his hoodie, by the acting speaker from Mississippi (R), Greg Harper. Ironic, right?


Pug Life

It ain't easy. For reals - Pugs have a host of genetic problems which does not bode well for the longevity of the look. And that's all any dog is - a look. Of a wolf. The differences - from Pug to Great Dane and everything in between - are because of us. Mostly. We have bred dogs with intent for thousands and thousands of years, selecting certain traits while trying to breed out others. And it works. This is called genetics, folks, and forms the foundation of evolution. If you believe you can breed dogs for certain traits, you believe in evolution. That many people in America don't (Evolution. Everyone knows about dog breeds.) is sad and frightening. Powerful people too - if you are going to be a Republican these days, you must disavow evolution. And global warming. And science in general. It's madness, yet we here, in thrall to these very ignoramuses. And they are working very hard to spread this ignorance.

That's why a Pug can never rest. There's a war on - are you fighting?


On Civil Society

Liberals and their secular, decadent, abortion loving ways are ruining America and her God fearing traditions. When you take Religion out of society and throw babies out in the trash you leave us with little option to fight back. Liberals started this battle, and Christian Conservatives will finish it.
Well now, that might be a bit overstated. As enumerated in the Constitution, separation of Church and State-
The Constitution said no such thing! The Founders were God fearing Christians who were guided by Jesus to write the hallowed Constitution of these here states, and I'll be damned if I hear another LIBERAL LIE about such a sacred document!
And we'll have to leave it there, as we're out of time. I'd like to thank both my guests, Professor Dog and Doug Dog. Tune in next week to "Both Sides Do It" when we'll have as our main guest retired General Dog.


We are who we thought we were

Fear. Of the Other. Of the Marauder, the Pillager from over the hills, come to burn your virgins and rape your crops. These Fears are hardcoded in all humans, to some degree, and play themselves out in myriads of ways. See if you can't spot them!
Safety. Home, the feeling of belonging, of being protected, of knowing you're warm and dry and well fed and everything's just swell, thank you very much.
Sex. It's all important, obviously, and amputee status does nothing to change the equation. But a horse in a bunker? Maybe.
Control. It's the end all be all for many, perhaps most if you think of it in a certain way. Power over others, power over yourself, control of events as they happen, a domestic god, creator of All, giver of life. Etc. Professor Dog here could expound.

The Cuteness and The Horror

Puppies gotta eat. Indeed, everything living has to eat, one way or another. It's one of the cruel truths of our reality: For all animals, to survive, to live, you must kill. Plants are much more hippy about it, living off the sun, water, and dirt.

And it is this reality - kill or die - which is the main agent of evolution. For, quite simply, those traits that add either to your success in killing or in processing the carcass increase your chances of living. And to live is to have the chance to reproduce, and reproduction IS the meaning of life. One way or another. That's the answer to the fabled question, by the way, and I answer it oh-so-offhandedly because it's rather obvious: The meaning of Life is to reproduce. And that's the subject of an infinite amount of stories.

So, in my roundabout way, I come to the subject of obesity. It does not exist in the wild, for no creature, except one, is successful enough to ward off the seasonal ebbs and flow of the food chain. Every animal out there, save one (and the ones he/she chooses to favor), is in a brutal competition for scarce resources and there simply is no means to get fat.

But then there's humans!
She's cute, if she lost like 200 or so pounds. Only human society of the modern era could create such a woman. Even 60-70 years ago, it would have been unheard of (or the result of an actual genetic condition) for someone to be this obese, except possibly for the very rich. But now it's almost commonplace. Even the animals we have domesticated can suffer from this miracle (in that it never occurs in nature) of obesity:
All due to our technology, which in that span of 60-70 years has become magical, and will only become more so. The wonders/horrors that await us are mindboggling. Prepare yourself for ever more extremes, for it is the inevitable result of overcoming nature's "kill or die" decree.


Cuteness Incoming

How's that for cuteness? Puppies and kitties is all it takes, really, and most everyone will melt. Why is that? What is it about young mammals that makes us all respond universally? I know the answer, by the way.
All mammals share the same baby characteristics. As such, all mammals feel for other mammals. Peace and love, mammals!
And deliciousness. With some cheese and peppers and onions. Or pretend versions of the same. [studio audience]LOL[/studio audience]

The Finer Things

So much of comedy depends on intent. For example - if this guy took this photo ironically, for laughs, we laugh with him. Well played, sir! If, on the other hand, he took this seriously, showcasing his classy side, then we laugh at you, nerd.

Either way, we're laughing.

A boy and his gourd

Girls come and go, but a prize winning gourd is with you forever. The ribbon, at least. As long as you don't lose it or throw it out later because some girl tells you to. Girls!


Pumpkin Porn

Randy Scarecrow would be an OK band name. Yet, this is not really a scarecrow, right?  But a response to the Internet - make something funny and post it. And glory be unto it!


Circles within Circles

Great idea. Gumball machines of yore are boring. I need some drama, some excitement when I'm getting some gum - throw in some super bouncing balls! Why the heck not?! I'd add marbles too for sure fire thrills.

Also too - I'd posit the circle (or sphere) is the fundamental shape of existence. Everything is built of circles - quarks to nuclei to atoms to molecules to cells to eggs, to moons and planets and swirling galaxies and great clusters of galaxies, everything spins and the sphere is the shape it ultimately takes. So hail, great Circle! Creator of all!


#Occupy Jupiter

It's true. Jupiter is far bigger than all the other planets put together. Its system of moons and smaller moons and more little tiny moons is its own planetary system. For you see, Jupiter could have been a star. Just a bit more mass, a little more spinning, and fusion would have lit. But alas, not enough gas, Jupiter was kicked out of Stellar U and now must walk among we, the discarded. But as a King, Boss Hogg of Sol's System.

And this is the chain of our existence. Dig it: From quarks and electrons, joining to form atoms, atoms joining to form molecules, molecules joining to form complex bonds, and based on their composition, we have our world and everything in it - rock, water, air, tree, you, me, even your pee. Complex groupings of molecular bonds.

Now, above you and me is space, vast and full of everything. Great, gigantic clouds of hydrogen light years long start to spin, perhaps disturbed by a nearby nova, and in the spinning the denser material falls towards the center of the spiral in ever increasing mass, causing ever greater heat, so on and such until there is a new joining, a new bond: Fusion. And fusion produces pretty much all of the energy you see around you. That makes you up. Energy and matter is our reality.

But fusion is not the end, for when the supernova collapses it can go one of two ways: A neutron star - a tripped out ball of neutrons (no atoms) spinning so fast yet so regularly they can be used as interstellar clocks. No bigger than Manhattan, they are denser than our entire solar system.

OR, a Black Hole.

Which is the ultimate break with this reality of ours - for everything goes in, the BH can get bigger or smaller, quieter or more active, like a "thing", but all of the energy and matter that falls in to it appears gone, into nothingness - for there is no such thing as a Black Hole, just its effects on gravity. The so called "Singularity" at the center of a Black Hole is just a placeholder word, since no one has any real idea. Our physics says it is of zero space yet infinite mass, which is absurd. You can't measure it directly, since it is literally a hole - everything falls through. And so either our mathematical theories are wrong, or we just don't have a clue. Yet. Science will find a way, eventually.

So, from electron to Black Hole and everything in between - this is our reality from start to end and swirls so large and endless around us, be of good cheer, for you are here, in this amazing grace, able to appreciate it. From time to time. Ramen.


Additional riffs on perspective

Perspective is gained naturally through all of life. One could not grow from a baby to child to lad to young man, raising hell, without several substantial changes in perspective. For instance, food no longer comes from boobies, but the kitchen. This is a rather dramatic shift!

Our scale of existence, once you can even gleam a comprehension, is vast beyond mind. Smaller too. Above is a series of actual stars and their sizes relative to one another. Note the change in scale from 3 to 4. Now you can see why Sol is tagged as a "dwarf star". A yellow dwarf. Bigger than many other stars (the really small ones, like Wolf 359
Never forget.), but no big kid on campus either. Least of all the brown dwarf stars, the dull runts who barely glow and are just tads bigger than Jupiter. But cheer up, little guys, you'll last till the end of time, for it is better to fade away than to burn out. And that's a current law of astronomy - mass of the star is directly correlated to their age and longevity, since size is essentially food source for the fusion engine powering all stars. Big stars burn hot and fast than go bang in nova, seeding the universe with heavier elements.

And thus the conclusion of this foray into perspective - we are stardust, man. Just about everything in us was forged in the furnace of fusion and its destruction in mighty explosion. The iron in your blood was made in and delivered from a giant star exploding, spreading matter to the 360 directions. Joining with vast hydrogen and helium clouds, these heavy metals then settled into a new star, with planets, and aye, even life. Carbon. Oxygen. Nitrogen. Gold. Everything important to us came to use directly from a star's destruction.

A nova, a smallish explosion of the outer layers of the star, and not its complete destruction. Thus the iron and other heavier elements are not dispersed. Supernova, on the other hand, result in the annihilation of the giant star  (in the star size chart above, stars in 5 and above, the bigger the star, the more awesome the destruction, of course.), and the dispersal of just about everything in it. Over the millennia, these overlapping paths of debris accumulated into you and me and everything you see, touch, or know. We are the stars, man, and they still speak inside of us. Through us. We are, as it has been said, a way for the universe to know itself.

Far out, right? Perspective.


Puny Human

Here's the actual respective sizes of the members of our Solar System. Clearly, the Sun is the King. Jupiter and Saturn are the big bad boys, with Neptune and Uranus as doormen/servant/planet about town. Earth, Venus, Mars and Mercury are tiny specks of nothing on the scale of the Sun.

And all our lives, all our drama, all our wants and needs and loss and grief, everything we sing and see and tell on to future generations, it's all there on that speck of dust underneath the arrow labeled "Earth".

One Possible End

If a substantial solar flare (like the one pictured above) headed our way, woe be upon us. Our modern society of electronics would fry away in an instant, replaced by the jungle, red in tooth and claw. It's not only possible, but inevitable. The sun will burp out a heaping of space gas directly towards us one of these days - tomorrow, or a thousand years from now, who's to say? And when it comes, all our circuits will melt.

There are steps we could take to prepare, but given the state of the world today, preparation for future calamities ain't happening. Instead, just hope that you, yours, and theirs(children), and maybe even theirs(grandchildren) too, will see a sunny day, free of doomsday rays.

But don't bet on it.


Gingers among us

Notice the broad nose. I bet there's a slight cranial ridge under that hat too. You'll find it on some people - cave people. Remember - they are among us!

But I must confess. My Father has quite a few caveman features, including the ridge. I have no such ridge, but do indeed share many of the ginger genes. Red beard, for instance, to go along with my red shirt. No, this is not me above. Just some random Scottish college kid. But I admit: I am a ginger, in part. Alas!

But I pale in comparison to this ginger - King of the Gingers. The Sun.

I don't know if this hair is a shop, or is for real. I hope it's real, because then this dude is truly awesome. If not, then well, post modernism and such.


Red Power (Fresh Gagh)

Nothing better for a growing young man than fresh blood gagh, a true warrior's meal. Add in some P'Tak Fingers and Blue Milk and you've got all the makings of a balanced Ginger's breakfast.

Gingers. Freaky folks, right? Everyone knows it. But now, a bold prediction! Gingers are about to become "It" - Red Power is rising. Here's why:

Neanderthals. Cave people. The formerly stupid and dumb brutes who, the story went, died out at the hands of the vastly superior human, homo. Us - we rule!

But we're learning more and more about them - that's what science does, after all. And not only have we recently learned they were often redheads, but that they were already dying out well before humans arrived in Europe. And most importantly, they didn't completely die out, as Neanderthals and humans mated, and had children, and those children had children, and so on, all the way to us.

The twist? There were other, different ancient human species in other parts of the world - the Denisovans lived in Asia, and they too mated with the humans who moved into the region, passing on their genetic code.

In Africa, however, the domination of Homo Humans was long complete, and there were no other human species for hundreds of thousands of years. And thus, Africans are the "purest" humans, as both Asians and Europeans have "cavemen" genes. Or so this theory goes.

Since the racists of both continents will not allow this to stand, I predict these ancient human relatives - Neanderthals and Denisovans - will get a major upgrade in reputation, and become strong, intelligent, generally awesome and something to aspire to, and yay, verily, red hair will be the surest sign of these desirable caveman traits, as it is believed the gene for red hair came from the Neanderthals. Can't have Africans being superior or, EGADS! Purer now, amirite?

But it's true. Truth doesn't matter to racists, though. And genes are just genes and it is we, humans across the world, who decide what it's going to be. Sadly, we're easy to predict.


Ice Cold Whisky Machine

And nothing goes better with dispensed Ice Cold Whisky than some fat beats laid down by the mad crazy wicked DJ Nana
As a tangent: You ever notice how old women look back in the 40's/50's? And not just the black and white photos of course, but the style. Granny glasses. Sharp hair. Stern clothing. Old before their time. I wonder how old DJ Nana is here: 40? 50? 60? Maybe even 35? I can't tell.


A gift of war

One of St. Ronnie's gifts to the world was the War on Drugs, which has taken hundreds of thousands lives and ruined so many more, all in the name of attempting to quash human nature. And build up a police state.

That so many rot in jail right now over plants, and the selling and consumption of plants, is madness. And yet, it's the law of the land. For now - times seem to be changing, with medical marijuana laws all over the place and outright possession or consumption quasi-legal in a few others.  A bit of sanity creeps slowly back into the public sphere.

For prohibitions do not work, and never have, and never will. Human nature will not allow it. And any law that goes against human nature will reap untold pain and suffering for everyone.

Legalize it, man, and focus instead on rehabilitation of addicts, and enforcing laws regarding drug/alcohol influenced behavior. Let people police themselves and only when they cannot should the State get involved.


Ronaldus Magnus

How strange that once upon a time, for a long time, everyone smoked. A multi-generational cancer upon humanity, encouraged by society and industry, and yes, future Presidents.

No joke. "Ronaldus Magnus" is a nickname Rush Slimeball came up with years ago and the dumb ass dittoheads promptly spread it across the rightwing hivemind. The Wingnuts have deified Reagan, creepily enough, and this Latinization of his name as some sobriquet of Empire is a reflection into their warped, fascist minds. They want to be ruled, and they want to crush those deemed inferior by the Talking Heads. Check it out at TPM.

And yes, I'm equating Reagan with a clown. This freak circus we're living in today was brought to life by St. Ronnie. What's mildly amusing is the policies and statements of Reagan back in the day were mild and moderate compared to today's EXTREME Wingnuts. If you put his policies in writing without attribution they'd claim: Liberal trash.

The worshipers have exceeded their God in piety and devotion, to madness. But, it's true: Far less smoking.


Sugar Krinkles

Sugar Krinkles was the Rice Krispy of the 1950's. For reals. That scary ass Krinkle clown haunted boomer kids at the breakfast table way back when. Explaining the Reagan Revolution. Boomers are wack on Sugar Smacks. And Krinkles.

Seriously, say "Sugar Krinkles" out loud 3 times and see if you don't laugh. It's hilarious.

Also too some postmodern Krinkle art
Accept the fear, and let it pass through you. If a clown comes upon you unexpected, you'll be ready...


Clown Monster

Available for Birthday Parties, Bar Mitzvahs, and Kindergarten Graduation Celebrations!

Thesis: There's "culture" fears, and instinctive, primal fears. Example: Fear of clowns is a culture fear, particular to our time. Before clowns, before jesters, there was no such fear.  Fear of snakes or snake creatures is universal and genetic, species wide, spanning the entirety of humanity. Fear of reptiles is hardwired into all mammals, based on those bad old times some 80 million years ago.

Culture fears bubble up out of the primal realm, assuming different forms based on the time and society, but always connected to a primal fear. Fear of clowns, for example? Fear of the Other/the Absurd (no control). Anyone not in your tribe, and acting all freaky n' shit, is an instant ENEMY. This covers lots of cultural fears, of course.

All that said, damn ain't clowns scary as heck?!


He is Risen

He rose from the grave to eat our brains. Tasty, tasty brains. And souls. Everything really. Zombie Jesus wants it all.

The dying and resurrected God is not unique to Christianity, of course. Osiris also came back to eat our brains. For example.


Now What Atheists?

Stolen by atheists, no doubt. Since everyone knows atheists are inherently evil - how could they not be, denying the Lord? How can an atheist be moral without a God (via rich men in fancy clothes) to tell them what to do?

Hogwash, you might say. Well, consider this:
Case closed, right?

But seriously, a real question: How often do you see atheism actively expressed in a positive fashion in any form of mainstream media? Almost never it seems like.

I'm not an atheist by the way, but it's really just a semantical matter. For, what is God? What if our reality is a computer simulation - would the programmer of said simulation be God? What if our entire universe is but a bubble in a vast sea of another Universe - would a lifeform from that Universe be God? I could go on, but it's all sophistry. God as defined by our ancient ancestors - who knew little about the Universe - is supernatural, creator of ALL (including other Universes), and yet somehow strangely vested in judging everything we do and punishing those who stray from their murky, metaphorical instructions? I don't buy any of that whatsoever, and I'd be labeled an ATHEIST by any Holy Roller. So sure, I'm an atheist. Whatever, really.

And that's my position on God: Whatevs. I don't really care, in a metaphysical sense. I love myth more than most, and I can dig any cultural traditions that foster compassion and love, and if a religion can provide that, cool. But when instead religions prey on the weak and old and dull, enthralling them under spiritual yoke and threats of damnation, I say nay! I will stand against.

There's a war going on in America, in the Middle East, across the World in the name of religion, all supposedly about God. It would be laughable if not so tragic, for we are threatening our very sustainability on this planet by Science deniers. They would force myth on everyone instead of Science and education. And that must be fought, to the inch, for that way lies the DARK AGES, and I'm not down with that. Are you down with that?

What now religion?
What will you do when you have neither scripture nor science to back you up?


Payback at the Country Home for the Aged

Karma's gonna get ya, if you believe karma to be nothing more than the consequences of cause and effect. Endless cause and effect. On the largest of scales, great sweeps of galaxies, this is true - every action has an opposite and equal reaction. On the smallest scales, atoms give off or absorb energy in an endless cycle of redistribution. And it's also true on the human scale, in a person's very heart. Your actions, even your thoughts, will have consequences in one form or another. It is these consequences which will be your karma.
Such as, perhaps, losing a bet? Boobscarves!