Journalist of the Revolution

That's not Leo Tolstoy, but rather Glenn Beck, speaker of truths. I don't know why the Pony is there. But behold the truth about the so called "Democrats":

As you can clearly see.

Wake up people, it's time to act!

Um, no.

That's more like it!

What Jesus wants

Since as we all know, the Jews of 33BCE Judea were blond, blue eyed, Aryan wonder boys. And this fine church going Southern lady will have none of this "Black" race in the Church of Christ, proper. Seems logical, from a biblical perspective.

Freedom is Slavery

It's like a Black Fly in your Chardonnay. But where I'm from, a dead Black Fly in your wine is one less bug that will bite you, so, yay!

Ironic, yeah?

Sex is protest

Sex - the having and the withholding - is the power that spins this world, ultimately. All other trends or impulses can be traced back to slightly NSFW

Quoting Goethe

Beautiful protestor with powerful placard? What's not to love. Protesting power is hot in general.

Art is pretty, always (in its specific way), but subverting myth is especially pretty in my book. In which is written: Once women take over society, the world can truly progress.

The Elephant in the Country

So true. You start thinking for yourself, and you find only trouble. Better to just let the Preacher do the thinking for you. Vote Republican!

I like bashing the South as much as anyone, but it must be noted that these numbers (and so many more) are influenced by the deplorable conditions many African Americans find themselves in Southern states - all run by racist whites, of course. But these same deplorable trends affect poor whites too, but hey, vote Republican!

Think how warped and twisted you have to be to get so angry over the possibility of high speed rail. I'LL NEVER GET ON A TRAIN OBAMA!!!

These poor whites who vote - who live - Republican have been so bamboozled, so brainwashed by the dual poison of Religion and Racism that they will cut off their nose - Gladly! - as long as it means black folk will suffer too. That's their mindset, and what we're up against - a legion of angry, deluded white people manipulated by some greedy billionaires. Vote Republican! 

My Sharia!

Ah, freedom. Of speech - of the right for stupid people to think and say horrid things.

Of course, there were dozens of Muslim victims of the 911 attacks, but let us forget that and instead worry about:

SHARIA! We don't know what the hell it means, but if the MOOSLIMS are a'for it, we're 'agin it! Fun fact! A few southern states have passed laws banning Sharia. Whatever that means.

Imagine not living in America, maybe say instead, for example, you are a Muslim living in Turkey. And you see these protests on your TV. You must think, "America! What a country! Truly, the land of the free and home of the brave."

Hipster Jesus

Hipster Jesus is cool man. Check out the Chucks! He's got long hair, likes obscure music, and is great fun at parties. Join up!

But what if you were never cool? Is Hipster Jesus a front runner?

I better get to a cool church and find out!

Fluff tha Police

Oxford's finest - dedicated towards putting down overzealous keggers.

There's far too many pictures of militarized police posing with their new toys on the internet. But if you spend that kind of money, you want some documentation.

You're really the "Reading Rainbow" guy? Totally, man.

That's the epic 2 pound joint confiscated at the recent Denver 4/20 celebration. Read it and weep.

Or smoke it and dream.

Never stop living your art.

Never stop expressing yourself. Never stop fighting The Man - Fuck The Police!

Click below for literal example.

Bare Arms

The few smart Republicans long ago figured out that playing to people's fears is the only way they can win votes. And so that's what they've done, and convinced many people to be scared enough to support them. Fear is the entire Republican platform.

Stop being afraid and Repukes, and the Terrorists, and the Wars for no reason, disappear. Right Wingers are literally a cancer on humanity and kill whenever they emerge, but they can be defeated easily by simply organizing against them.

Too Soon

I've been making 9-11 jokes for years, so how can I not drop a Boston terrorist joke? Here you are - it's mild. For it is too soon, but. BUT! Hear me!

While I have a lot of personal association with this event (from afar), and it is tragic for the people directly and a bit less directly affected (unlike you and me far away from this event, watching on TV, or reading on the Net), I refuse to EVER be terrorized. As we all should. And that's what this clearly was - an act of terrorism. As almost all bombings are. Cowardly stabs at the heart of decent society. Which is 97 or so % of us. Here's what I say to terrorism:

Fuck off!

The real power of terrorism, however, is not in the numbers of people killed and maimed in the terrorist attack, but in the reaction. The people who become afraid, distrustful, fearful. The powerful who use these emotions to become more powerful. The innocent caught up in waves of xenophobia. The Patriot Act. The invasion of Iraq. Color coded "TERROR ALERTS". Etc. This is the real damage of terrorism, and we directly control it, in a democracy.

It's psychological. The dramatics of it, the random suddeness of it, the cruelty of it, scars the mind/soul, and it takes far greater significance in people's minds. For example, fear of sharks. Very, very few people are actually killed/hurt by sharks in any given year, but the fear is palpable. And just so - relative to the total population of America, very, very few people are killed or injured in terrorist attacks in any given year. Compared to, oh say just for another example:

Gun deaths, whether by homicide, suicide, or accident. Fun fact! Your odds of dying by gun go up substantially the minute you buy/obtain your first gun. And yet just today in America our Congress voted down any attempt to strengthen the logical background check procedure for gun purchases. Why? Politics and power.


People are making money off gun sales - that's a big portion of the reason for our country's insanity. And it's not really that big money, but they've got a good lobby (NRA) and so, we die every day. Because it's the power behind the topic - the political power of divide and conquer - that ensures that for now, no sanity will be forthcoming. We will keep dying for reasons we could prevent/minimize, but won't. And the Right Wingers among us will in fact enflame.

Thus, here in America, the reaction to this:

The cold blooded murder of Kindergartners, is this:

Wingnut training squads, completely unlicensed and unregistered except of course by their own phony institutions and camps.

Whilst a large percentage of the country goes into a froth over a couple of high end pipe bombs.

I'm sorry if you're offended, but our priorities are fucked up.

Choose the next Pope!

So the Pope's resigning, which is kind of weird. Hasn't happened in 600 years. And on the night of the resignation, LIGHTNING! Message from above, y'all. So it's time to choose a new Pope as per ancient tradition: Photoshop. From the good folks at Something Awful, here's some possible candidates.

Space Pope. He's got my vote, if I had one.

Owl Bear Jesus. He controls the Ironic Hipster voting bloc, but few others. Unlikely.

The first AI candidates - times are changing! Number 5 has made a lot of friends with his engaging style, while The Terminator is not a natural politician, to say the least. He does have some influence with the Inquisition wing of the Church.

A dark horse contender from South America, Weedlord Bonerhitler. He might serve as a compromise candidate other groups rally round to support.

Watch out for that white smoke, brahs! Gonna be exciting!

Big Ben Kids

Look! I went to London and saw Big Ben and took a picture of this crazy guy ranting on the corner. Though in sooth I agreed with all his signs and had a pleasant talk with him -  he was absolutely correct in most of his opinions, I found, and incredibly committed to them. He wasn't really ranting either. Another difference between America and England - English nutters are well versed, polite, and correct. I generalize based on a single experience, of course. I must confess I grudgingly admire anyone who would stand on the street with a sign, telling the world their opinion. It takes energy! Far easier to sit on the couch and mutter under one's breath. And so we all agree to make fun of guys like this, when in fact, he's a hero, and all the hate stems from shame.

Ain't it the truth?

Enthralled

How long? How much longer must we as a species live as thralls to desert mythologies cooked up a couple of thousand years ago? Make no mistake - the fundamental divide in America today is religious. The entirety of the Republican platform is religious in nature. Whether it's their anti-science viewpoints, their thirst for war, their disparagement of women/minorities, on and on, all these "viewpoints" bubble up from a Fundamentalist religious outlook. Funnily enough, in America at least, the most Fundamentalist among us usually have no idea what values are espoused in their so-called "Holy" book. Jesus was a dirty hippie, after all.

And as yet another war heats up in the middle east, reflect on this picture of some young Israeli settler's "Welcoming" a Palestinian woman who was just forcibly evicted from her home. While ostensibly the violence in Gaza is territorial, religion of course underlies everything. My side versus your side and one of us will die and be proven wrong in the dying. It's ridiculous, we should all know better, and yet here we are, still killing one another over imaginary sky fairies and associated stories. It's especially pernicious that Israel has become a de facto Apartheid state, committing atrocity after atrocity on the ghettoized Palestinian populations - did no one learn anything from WW2?

"Opiate of the masses?" More like rage-fuel for ever more wars and violence. No thanks, Religion. You've done your part - kindly exit, stage left.

Behead All

Awww, Momma's li'l Jihadi. Head's be rollin'!

Of course, only in a society of "free expression" could you get away with telling it to go to Hell.  But dichotomies seldom trouble zealots.

Hello Free Shrugs

How nice. Do you think it's sincere, or ironic? Could be an in-disguise hipster pranking morning rush hour. Or a Jesus junkie out for a fix.

I think this guy's ironic. But there you see a shrug, for free, and presumably many more to come. So he's delivering, even if ironically. I mean, it's not like shrugs aren't ironic either. You know?

Also, too - the word "hello" clearly can be spoken as "Hell!", "O!", as if in fiery damnation. Ironic, huh, for such a friendly word? What isn't ironic, though, really?

Invisiblemanitus

(Sad Slow Piano)

Invisiblemanitus is a tragic illness that strikes 1 in a billion Americans each year. Unable to be seen except for the items they wear, these invisible Americans cannot find work, a roof over their heads, or even food. Invisible people are struggling to stay alive on our streets, until now, hopeless for a cure. But with recent medical breakthroughs, we are close to a cure for Invisiblemanitus. With your generous donation we can continue the cutting edge science necessary to prevent this dread disease. Won't you please help people like Frank Jenkison, veteran, Father of 2, and yet living on the streets for over 3 years? It would mean so much to Frank and the several others like him - it's impossible to know for sure how many Invisible People there are, but that's why it's so important to give now so we can find out, and cure them. Thank you.

(Incredible Hulk TV show song)

How to: Owl Art

As you can see, it's quite simple. Most people can't draw detailed, beautiful owls because they don't start with the circles. Pre-circles are the key to all realistic portrayals of owls in ink or paint. Or so I've heard on the Internet.

How to make an IKEA owl. Only 3 tools needed! Setup time in minutes (thousands of them)!

Dick Smith Lies!

I'd like to see a chart detailing the use of the nickname "Dick". My assumption is it was once a fairly common way to shorten "Richard", but has fallen by the wayside over the last 30+ years, in favor of "Rick", "Rich", and perhaps even "Chard". Fallen drastically. Have you met a young Dick?

Who'd choose to be a Dick these days, really?

Also, this phone only floats for the first ten minutes in water. It's in the footnotes. The glorious footnotes - legal arcana to ward off evil magic (i.e. lawsuits). Another example: CAUTION! Coffee is hot.

Lymonology

An apt illustration of the role color plays in taste. Consider even further if the yellow bottles on left contained lime juice, and the green bottles on the right contained lemon juice. I predict you would taste a limey lemon and a lemony lime in tasting each, even if they were pure samples of lime/lemon juice respectively. You see, your mind is as influential in taste as is your tongue. Color plays a huge role in how we perceive taste, as does smell obviously, but even too sound - the crisp snap of a chip adds to its flavor. To go further, since all external sensation is registered and perceived in the brain, than "flavor" only exists in the mind, and as with many other things, it is only Life that gives it reality. For, what would there be to taste if there were none to eat? Flavor would not exist, just as color does not exist without eyes to see light, and sound only exists with the hearer. Quantum reality, yo: Only by measuring does anything have reality.

 Also too, I wonder if this was the Stockboy's error, or someone at Concord Foods "Farm"?

To end - you should try and view mistakes through this prism: It is only through "imperfection" that anything happens in this world. If everything were perfect, than everything would be in balance, and nothing would happen. It's the imbalance that creates change, and change is the definition of time, and time is the river in which Life swims.

So don't sweat it, anonymous Concord Foods employee!