Red Power (Fresh Gagh)

Nothing better for a growing young man than fresh blood gagh, a true warrior's meal. Add in some P'Tak Fingers and Blue Milk and you've got all the makings of a balanced Ginger's breakfast.

Gingers. Freaky folks, right? Everyone knows it. But now, a bold prediction! Gingers are about to become "It" - Red Power is rising. Here's why:

Neanderthals. Cave people. The formerly stupid and dumb brutes who, the story went, died out at the hands of the vastly superior human, homo. Us - we rule!

But we're learning more and more about them - that's what science does, after all. And not only have we recently learned they were often redheads, but that they were already dying out well before humans arrived in Europe. And most importantly, they didn't completely die out, as Neanderthals and humans mated, and had children, and those children had children, and so on, all the way to us.

The twist? There were other, different ancient human species in other parts of the world - the Denisovans lived in Asia, and they too mated with the humans who moved into the region, passing on their genetic code.

In Africa, however, the domination of Homo Humans was long complete, and there were no other human species for hundreds of thousands of years. And thus, Africans are the "purest" humans, as both Asians and Europeans have "cavemen" genes. Or so this theory goes.

Since the racists of both continents will not allow this to stand, I predict these ancient human relatives - Neanderthals and Denisovans - will get a major upgrade in reputation, and become strong, intelligent, generally awesome and something to aspire to, and yay, verily, red hair will be the surest sign of these desirable caveman traits, as it is believed the gene for red hair came from the Neanderthals. Can't have Africans being superior or, EGADS! Purer now, amirite?

But it's true. Truth doesn't matter to racists, though. And genes are just genes and it is we, humans across the world, who decide what it's going to be. Sadly, we're easy to predict.

You are your face

Note the crybaby face on Jay Cutler - NFL Quarterback. As a starting NFL QB, he is an elite member of the elite, one of few people on earth who can claim such a thing. He's a King of the Jocks, BMOC that is the campus of our society. And yet, the constant crybaby face, and as such, no matter how elite he is, he's an object of mockery, of scorn, of derision and sacks. No one likes him, and it's entirely because of his face. Look at the Ref's face.

The lesson! To most everyone else in this world, you are your face. And not just looks, but how you wear it - always frowning? Always mad? Always eyes darting around and around? This is how the world sees you, and thus judges you, no matter what you truly are. So consider the well the face you show the world, for it is your basic currency.

Speaking of faced:

And another face that says it all:

Poor Skins fans. As a Pats fan, it's been so long since I knew anything but excellence, I can only abstractly imagine your woe.

Not Redshirts

One might say - might! - that by willingly going in to an obviously doomed situation it is your own fault for the doom that falls upon you, even if you really had nothing to do with it, even if your intents were as pure as a cat's purr...... Or, any situation that can reasonably be foreseen. Another example: In a "bad part of town", you leave your wallet on the car seat with the windows rolled down and hundred dollar bills hanging out. Do you deserve to get it stolen?

Thusly, falling in love with a Redshirt is just asking for heartbreak, since we all should know what happens to Redshirts. But! In the grand scheme of it, are we not all Redshirts? Mortal, fools, fated to be used, doomed to a certain end? So why bother falling in love if it will end - Darwin guarantees it! - in tragic loss?

You know the answer.

Now, onto the show. WARNING! ADULT CONTENT BELOW THE FOLD (speaking of guarantees)!