The Horrors of Specialization

For example: If you are a Graphic Artist, this poster might cause you night sweats. If you aren't, you might not care. The minutiae of the specialist is often of no concern to the non-specialist.  But you should care, dang it! Bad design leads to more bad design, and who wants that?

Speaking of...
Anyone can get a cooking show these days.


Requiem for Voyager

It wasn't the best Trek, I think we can all agree, but it was Trek, and somewhat true to the ideals as set forth in TOS and TNG. Peace. Exploration. Weird ass "what if" sci-fi episodes. I quibble with many of the details, but what do quibbles matter? In the end. So let's say goodbye to Voyager with a photo series.

Also, did people really look like this in the 90's? My color pattern was much more flannel.

O, Ensign Kim. 7 years serving as Operations officer in one deadly mission after another, and never a promotion. What were you doing wrong on Janeway's ship, man? Did Chakotay hate you? Crikey! Pretty boy Paris was a convicted criminal and he got a promotion. Shit ain't fair.

Janeway was a good captain. Not great. Better than Archer - but then, so was the EMH. This, however, violates many rules of fictional time travel. But violating rules is what you gotta do on the other side of the Galaxy, amirite?
Such as - you can't go faster than Warp 10! This is what happens! You get turned into a giant space salamander - true fact. You don't want that, do you? Obey the Warp limit then.
I think the joke here is that no one had a end of Voyager party, right? Or, perhaps, that the Doctor would hang out with these lower class degenerates - Barney's just above grade level "Street Bum". Either way, I can't blame you, Voyager, for contributing to the near destruction of the Trek franchise. You were just a fictional tv show! The real villains - like, worse than many of the Huns (not Attila though, dude was a badass) - were the Producers, Berman and Braga. I think they've since been shunned to remote Arctic islands, never to Produce (or Executive Produce) again. Hurrah!

But the damage has already been done....


Champagne Toasts

Here's to you, Captain Kirk. Or Evil Kirk, more likely - hey: Who's evil doppelganger wouldn't be cooler than the original? By definition, methinks. So don't take it personally.

Seriously, if anyone you know or meet says they love Voyager, run. Do it fast, do it subtly, do it somewhere inbetween, but just do it. It's an awful show, and highlights the Fall of Trek in obvious fashion - concurrently with the decline of American culture. Co-incidence? Probably not.
Poconos resort premier room. Now defunct and derelict, of course. Another concurrent process with the demise of America.

Also, have I ever told you how much I LOVE hyperbole?


Orton Paparazzi

Kyle Orton is an NFL Quarterback. That's about the best that can be said. This is from someone's facebook account, some years back, but probably never got any attention at the time, since, you know, it's Kyle Orton.

But it's true - there's always someone out there that can love even the most hideous monster:
Rainbow Express to American Football Valhalla, ja?


Profiles in Manhood

Ah, men (human and alien). The cause of, what? 98% of the world's problems? All the wars, by far - by far - most of the crime, the violence and murder, the wanton cruelty of the powerful over the powerless. Men - if you had to exclusively and effectively profile one group, skip the Arabs or Russians or Chinese; profile every man - we're the cause of all the trouble!

For example, alcohol, and foolish behavior. Men excel at this, imbibing both with gusto. For example, chugging. Here's an oldy but always a goody:
A wonderful piece of art - please note the very partly consumed shrimp flying through the air. You put that much liquid into a semi-permeable container and at some point - quickly! - it's gotta come out.
Freudian Field Day, Chicago, 1983

I presume the Patriarchy was only fully established with the first cities, which by necessity required power structures to operate, and these were all run by men. From there, success leads to success, power leads to more power, and 1000's of generations have lived a massive dichotomy: Men run everything, and are the cause of all humanity's problems. Maybe it's time for something new?

Let's go Matriarchy! Women would do a better job of running everything, since they've got more in the game. Sure, perhaps over time, women with power would turn into bloodthirsty monsters bent on crushing all their enemies. But perhaps they would not! And that's better odds than with men, with whom we've had an ample sample size.

But alas! Divide and conquer does indeed prove ruthlessly effective, and all it takes to keep women from rightfully taking over is a small percentage of turncoats, or, in this case, women drinking alcohol, acting the fool.
Rock n' roll!


The Water Cycle

Booze goes in, pee comes out. The key is finding somewhere other than your pants to complete this wondrous cycle. Case in point:
Deviations from the mean are always worth attention.

Rad Sweater Dude

What grunge has taught me: Something can be so ugly it's beautiful. Among other lessons!

Also, for future science fair purposes only:
Click for big - it's all in there.


Fleeced (Lambs and Conlions)

Hmm. If you're asking the question, I bet I can guess the answer: No? After all, Heaven is whatever you want it to be, and only the people you approve of get access. Ultimately, there is only one Scotsman who gets to go - being the True Scotsman, of course.

Speaking of: Hey! World still here. What a shock! But failed prophecies of DOOM are nothing new. Here's a blast from the past - world's gonna end in 1843 brah:
The Bible guarantees it! Or not. We're all imperfect sinners, after all - so check your math.

I must say, this whole 052111 phenomena has been incredibly interesting to me - I first heard of it 4-5 months ago, when I came across a picture of a foolish billboard foretelling end times - I took it as a local loon with a couple of hundred bucks to spend. But then I heard more and more about it, till it broke out into widespread culture. This depressed me at first, mildly, lamenting the ignorance of my Fellow Sheep - why do they fall for this crap? No idea. But then, I can't fathom how anyone with half a brain and a drop of compassion can vote Republican.

Overlapping demographics! I bet 95% of the folks who got sucked up into this 052111 con are also Republicans, Tea Baggers and Wingnuts the lot of them. Folks hooked on dogma, a small, small percentage of the overall population but their screeches are given global megaphones - for some reason!

Anyways, at first depressed at the fools; yet, over the past couple of weeks, I've turned 180 on the whole matter, as the mockery of 052111 also became widespread in mainstream culture. The Boston Phoenix dedicated their last issue to an awesome mockery; it's become the goto late night talkshow joke. Listening to the radio the last few days, rock and sports dj's  alike have been ruthless in their sarcasm. It's been wonderful to see skepticism so strongly displayed - hope, yet!

Maybe, just maybe, the utter and complete joke that was this latest End Times proclamation, and the widespread mockery of it, will be enough to convince some of these sheep - some, not all, mind you - that indeed, blindly following dogma is stupid. Get it? How much money do you have to lose before you stop getting conned (I heard Camping's group has raked in some 100 million over the last couple of years)? Get a brain, morans!
 (FYI: This is a rare alternate angle to the "Get a Brain, Morans!" photo we've all come to love.)

Some, not all.
Brainwashing, tradition, intimidation, etc, will ensure the dogma rolls on. But if with every year, every generation, the ranks of the skeptics grow, and the blind zealots lessen, than that, friends, is progress. I pray to FSM this joke we just lived through - just fine, thanks! - can pull some from one group to the other. For all our benefit.

Awesome News (Almost Here)!

Such a strange, sad psychology - actively excited at the thought of the death of billions of people. Consider that fully.

Well, the day is here. END TIMES! And yet, it's a bit worrisome that we've not yet heard of killer monster earthquakes in New Zealand and Australia - since the Rapture is supposed to start at 6PM local time, today. Maybe there's no Chosen in Christchurch? Still, as God's Preferred Timezone - EDT, baby! - I'll wait till 6 here before I rest easy.

I mean, how could so many sincere people be so wrong?
See you on the other side, sinners.


The Enemy Within

Sums it up. The Devil is all fire and horns and darkness, and Jesus is sunshine and doves and groovy 70's beards. But this mythological opposition began far earlier than Jesus, and The Enemy is present in many disparate legends, in many different forms (Mazda, yo). And since there is no such thing as a Devil, a supernatural "Enemy", then, one must ask: Why this persistent element to man's mythologies?

Clearly, the Enemy is a way to both explain and rationalize actions a society considers "bad". It is both the fear to be avoided, and the cause for every fall from grace. It's a psychological release valve, and a means of control. But once you realize this, of course, there's nothing to it. You are the cause of your fears, and it's in your power to control them, or be controlled by them.

As such:
I've always suspected the whole crew - God, Jesus, Satan, Gabriel, Beelzebub, the lot of them, were all in league together. Good cop, bad cop con (READ JOB DUDE!). It works, as long as you never look behind the curtain - as in here. Hanging out after work.
Jesus is a pretty cool dude, though.  Hangs out with everyone.
Spoiler alert! Jesus takes a beating at first, but comes out on top. Yay!


Fools rush in

3 days, really, but you get my drift. Remember! According to the Bible - which guarantees it - the Rapture will begin at 6PM per time zone - yes, moving around the world according to man made time zones - and will feature an 8.3 MEGAQUAKE in every area of Earth at 6PM, again, local time. It's in the Bible, look it up! So, to play it safe, I'd keep sinning until about 3pm Saturday, local time, then start with the atonement. Also, have a nice light meal and refreshing beverage - as an immanent Rapturee, this will be your last meal on Earth.

Hey NYC! You can thank this guy for the many 5/21/11 ads around the city the past few weeks. He spent $150K of his savings in order to move up to Business Class on the Rapture plane bound for heaven. Amen!

You don't want to get Raptured but trapped in your house! Get RaptureHatch now (actually, it's too late. Stay outside!)!


Apocalypse Sooner or Later

See if you can spot the Wingnut clues!
Only 3 days away! So few will be so happy when so many wicked burn. Yay!

Also, one of these times, just due to the law of averages, one of these apocalypse cons will turn out to be correct - much to the prophet's surprise/chagrin.

Did you see this? Do so, if you can. Hilarious.

The Passion of The Sisko

Take your time. There's lots to absorb.

Have you watched Star Trek:Deep Space Nine? I know of many Trekkies who have not - and I did not, at first, when it originally aired, thinking it a crass knockoff by assumption alone (I was, and am, a Fool). But lo, was I wrong. Verily. I watched the entire show greedily in 2001 and was blown away. I've never watched it since, and am a bit afraid to do so, actually, since I'm fairly certain it won't live up to my memories of it, and thus, another totem, fallen. I've only got a few left, so I've started to cherish them.

For instance:
Nah. I've got no point here. I just wanted to post this wicked cool drawing. Art!

I have no idea who either artist is, but I am confident the same person did not draw both of these. So, to the 2 folks out there in this beautiful, terrible world, thanks! You rock. These are awesome.

Especially of The Sisko, hallowed be the Prophets (Wormhole Aliens).

Also too: Wolf 359 Never Forget


I Love the Classics

She's smiling because she knows the subtle pleasures of logic.

Also, Ms. Lisa could totally lose like 5-10 pounds and be super hot. Or get some botox, girl! Tone that face up, you know, more cheekbone.

Also, too: You might be confused over the flow of posts below. Don't be! Blame it on the Great Blogger Outage of Aught 11!

Stained Glass Houses of the Holy

Why did thoust forsake thy flock, oh Gunslinger? Surely, a lifetime of car dealership commercials and mall appearances would have given you the glory you require - but now? Now, who will want you hawking their cheap wares, oh foul Betrayer? Thou turnover machine, lo! Cursed be thy name, wicked Favrererererer....

J/K Brett! Sure, you sold out, but it's a game, right? Just a game....
Verily, life is but a game.



This was Gunter Borg's best bet for getting some action, but alas, Cmdr. Bridesmaid wasn't into nanoprobes.


In my Tribe

Normally, we wear blocks of cheese on our heads - we are known as the Cheeseheads, after all - but on festive occasions, we will wear our hallowed stadium on our heads instead. All praise to Lambeau, Home of the Frozen Tundra.

Seriously, I still can't believe the Pats lost to the damn Jets. Damn. Congrats to the Pack though - twas a fine championship run, and given the almost pure socialism of the public corporation known as "The Green Bay Packers", I can't think of a better team to win in the league. Patriots excepted, of course. Because, freedom, and America, and stuff?

But anywho, here's a fun game: Look at any behavior, any clothing, any music, anything you like (manmade), and try and trace back the tribal themes as far back as you can. It's pretty easy, I think, since we are, like all mammals, tribal creatures, and no matter how sophisticated, wise, or savvy we think we are, we're still just biological creatures, bound by the same genetic pressures driving all other living things. And mammals herd.

Biology/Genetics can explain almost any living behavior. If you believe that, then, what exactly are you? But a Cheesehead, in this case?


Fashion, Our Master

Make no mistake: Culture is nothing but fashion writ large, spanning many ages. Fashions of style, of art, of dance and song; of history and shared myth, fashions of the time and place, with each generation adding their small part, sometimes very little, sometimes more. The best fashions are the ones most adaptable to different lands, different eras, different needs. This is why certain fashions will repeat through every human society forever - like puberty rituals. Others? Not so much. Fashions too have their lives, and deaths.

I can't say I understand this fashion apart from the technical aspects. But then, Chess King and a huge lip plate are not that different. Each no doubt aimed at impressing the women of the tribe. The everlasting fount of all fashion.

The iPod is a nice touch.


On the side of my van

Can you see this glorious painting boldly displayed on a fully customized Chevy Econoline Van circa 1979? As an example:
I must confess, though: I was never brave enough to even go into the local Chess King back in the day. The thought of trying to wear checkered pants gave me acne. And surely, driving a pimped out custom van with a badass mural would eventually draw the wrong attention. No, better to blend in with a blue Toyota Corolla and feel the comfort of numbers.

Still, it's a sad statement that people don't express themselves with van art as often as they used to. I blame the lack of windowless vans these days. Whither have they all gone?


The Beer Warrior

Young males, defined. Fools, all, yet sometimes with surprising design skills.

And so on this Cinco de Mayo, young males, go forth, and get stupid. For Mexican freedom.



Since it's time to end all America's "Wars" on ideas, let's say we declare victory in the War on Drugs and bring our boys home. How many more doors need to be kicked in before we, as a country (land of the free, home of the brave dontchya know?!) say, enough?

The War on Drugs has caused fare more perversions of our country, and hence the world, than the War on Terror - but give it time! Like with any prohibitions, otherwise "good" people get locked up (and twisted), and criminals grow ever bolder competing over all that Black Market money. The police get more extreme in response and the cycle goes on and on and on, until, that is, we as a people say "Enough".

Won't you? Not yet?


The Only Thing They Have

Fear, itself. That's all that the Powerful - no matter their names or eras or beliefs - have to control everyone and everything. Once fear disappears, the Powerful can fall, only to be replaced in short order by someone else, of course.

Fear of death, of hunger, of homelessness, of old age, of terrorists, sharks, immigrants, homosexuals, atheists, etc, etc. Fear of the Other. Fear is the common ingredient in all forms of control. Realize this, let go of your fear, and you're free. To a degree.

So, now that OBL is dead, we can stop being afraid of terrorists, right? I ask ironically, but in truth: The only power terrorism has is instilling fear in the terrorized. Let go of this fear, and they have no power over you. Sure, you might have the bad luck of getting blown up some random day, but you also have a far higher chance of dying in a car crash. Are you afraid of driving? No! So, let's all agree that from now on, none of us will be afraid of terrorism.

And thus, no need to spend astronomical amounts of money on an expansive security state, and instead spend that money on infrastructure, new sources of renewable energy, and education. I guarantee you these investments will produce a stronger country than more heavily armed SWAT teams.