Real People

Fun fact! Actors are actually real people and not the roles they play in TV and film, though some actors have indeed perfected the art of playing themelves in TV and film.

Also, not pictured, C3-P0.

America post 9/11

It's a metaphor.

9/11 lulz

I'm so over 911 I'll make no attempt at commentary. Instead, enjoy these gifs:

Subtle. Tasteful.

Classic.

Coda

And a NSFW... below the fold:

Redshirt's Lament 1999th Post Gif Spectacular!

Gosh.

1,999 posts. Where has the time gone? So many laughs, and so many gifs. Here's a bunch!

Upper body strength is a must!

See?

Although a gun compensates for upper body strength nicely.

Like maybe a fake beard could too, if you were Riker or Evil Riker.

Regardless, the lesson of the last 6 freaking years is this:

But isn't that always the lesson?

X RATED JAR JAR (rule 34)

As a reminder, Rule 34 of the Internet states: If something exists, there is porn of it on the Internet.

As such, if you dare - 18 Years and Older Only! - click below this link.


Really, by clicking this link, you agree to the mental scarification which will surely follow.


Click only if you dare.


Last chance....

Forgiving Jar Jar

Are we ready to forgive Jar Jar? Or is it still too soon?

Behind the mask

Boba Fett was an accountant for ten years before a deal went bad and he was forced to take up the rough and tumble life of bounty hunting.

Through it all, his ledger remained black.

The Long Con

Heed my warning, and heed it well: The Con is spreading. ComicCon, where people dress up like comic characters. It's spreading more and more into the real world and I bet soon enough you will see a Stormtrooper or Boba Fett or a Wookie family celebrating Life Day.

Happy Life Day!

Beware!

Head Canon

"Head Canon" refers to the creation of an alternate universe of fictional characters that exists only in your head. Sometimes this hews close to the original work of fiction (for example, instead of the Emperor dying at the end of Jedi, in my "head canon", he lives), or sometimes is dramatically different.

Such as the wedding of Mrs. Doubtifre and Boba Fett, officiated by Batman.

Why?

Who knows. Just roll with it - it's the Internet, Danny.

EU No More

Disney bought Lucasfilms a few years back now for a cool 4 Bill, and said they're making more Star Wars movies. I'm excited, but I'm a nerd. But not the nerdiest of the Star Wars nerds, by far. For example, I own no toys or costumes.

I do own a few books, they're fun and light and exactly what you think they are. Sci-fi fluff in the Star Wars universe.

But alas! These books created CANON - that is, the history of a fictional universe - and the nerds live in this CANNON and every word of it is truth.

So, when Disney said they were discarding all previous Star Wars CANON other than what has appeared in the films, the hard core nerds freaked out. OUTRAGE! STAR WARS IS DEAD! Really, it's hilarious.

As, above, a nerd prepares to burn some of his EU (Extended Universe - CANON) books (I'm sure he has hundreds more).  Hurts so good.

Happy Whatever Day!

Since no one actually knows what Cinco de Mayo is about other than "Mexico" and "Partying", I'll say Happy Whatever Day! It's always good to have a theme and a reason, even if they don't mean much in reality.

FYI, the party above, here, was last year. Alas.

Obi Juan was there, of course.

May the Fourth be with you

As a sign of nerds ever increasing power in society, we now have the mainstream acknowledgment of May 4th as "Star Wars Day", due to the pun "May the 4th be with you". Haha, right?

So, add it to your calendars, folks. Picard Day is coming up in June, and Sagan Day is in November.

Any other nerd days of note? I'm sure I'm missing some.

Support the Chancellor

Found here: Feinobi

I can't vouch for anything else because I haven't looked, but this is wicked cool. Never forget, as Star Wars teaches us, that Palpatine got elected to office, and took "legal" steps every single way towards his goal of total power. Same with Hitler! He was duly elected to every post on his path to power, and used "Emergency Powers" towards the end game.

Hint: It's always "Emergency Powers" that does the trick. Thus, never trust anyone asking for that power.

Rule 34 2013

Hello, Internet. I am one of your many Kings, and I greet you both as Ruler and Servant. For today's lesson, let's consider Rule 34, which states: If it exists, there is porn of it.

Above is Admiral Janeway from Star Trek: Voyager. A Simpson's joke, but it's no joke. Of course there is Janeway porn.

Click below for a wicked tease of Rule 34!

Never Forget IX - Cyber 9 Edition!

One's dedication to an ideal can be measured by the amount of flair one is prepared to engage. How much flair do you wear?

You can tell they love America by the masks. And guns.

No one ever thinks they are evil, right? It's always the Other guy.

Technological Terror

Don't forget! Disney bought Star Wars, and thus there is soon to be a new movie. And why not? Star Wars is still hugely popular, and any new film guaranteed to print money. But will it be good?

Being a nerd from the Internet, I don't think it will be. That it can be. Because the first 6 movies are really the story of a Sith Lord named Sidious, or you might know him as The Emperor. While the Skywalker family is the focus of the movies, it is the man also known as Palpatine that is the driving force behind all the movies, and everything happens because of him. Like Sauron, who is "The Lord of The Rings", all action in the story of Star Wars is in response to something Palpatine does, or has caused to happen. But now, technically, he's dead, and the new movie cannot (or should not!) feature him.

And thus, the odds of VII being a good Star Wars movie is small, since the main agent of the movies is gone. Bring back Luke, and Leia, and Han, and it doesn't really matter. There's no villain Disney can come up with better than Darth Sidious.

One of the best villains in fiction. Why? Lots of reasons, but not least of which he does many of his evil deeds posing as a respectable Senator,

 and then later Supreme Chancellor.

He's only mentioned in A New Hope. He appears as a hologram, once, in The Empire Strikes Back. He's a key piece of the conclusion in Return of the Jedi. He's the star of the Prequels. Let's take a moment to appreciate this aspect of the Prequels, even if you don't like them overall. Good villains are a treasure of mythology.

Remember! Vader - the Chosen One - is only a lackey to Darth Sidious. So, three cheers for the true Dark Lord of The Sith! Let us lament his fictional passing.

Vader's Mother

Anakin's mother claimed to be a virgin. We'll never know for sure, just like with Mary, but why not, let's roll with it. Their sons are the Chosen Ones. Born to bring balance to the Force, whatever that means - what would "balance" mean, exactly? The Jedi never seem to ask.

A confession, maybe I've made it before, but who remembers? Not me. Anyways: I like Star Wars way more these days than Star Trek. For me, Trek died back in the 2000-2003 range, with terrible movies and ever worsening TV shows.

Star Wars certainly did not garner critical acclaim with its latest trilogy - the Prequel Trilogy (PT). But I loved it. I really do, so much I just read all the books, and then some other, related books. Reading Star Wars novels - a sure sign of a NERD.

But that's ok. I really enjoyed them, and aren't we here for joy? So to you, Internet, I proclaim loudly: I am a Jedi, unlike my Father before me!

Fun tease: Anakin has no Father, the Clone Troopers, who in the OT become the Storm Troopers, have no Mother. Deep stuff, man.

A great disturbance in the Internet

You may have felt strange the other day, for reasons you couldn't explain. Let me: Ben Affleck was named as the new Batman, and nerds across the Internet screamed out in nerdy rage. It was epic, and one of the things I love best about the Internet - nerd panic.

But fret not, fellow nerds. Ben will be fine. Look at this history of Batman for proof:

As always, click for big. Pretty cool - Batman is by now an iconic hero in just about worldwide mythology. I'm a bit disappointed the 1940's TV movie shorts were not included, but alas. Check out the history of the Bat logos in more detail:

Modern mythology is wicked awesome, and if you've avoided it in the past, due to the nerd association, I would advise you to let go your embarassment, your pride, and dive in to the world of comics - the modern hero mythology of the 20th century, and going strong in the 21st.

As for Ben, he'll do fine. I worry about the overall focus of the movie (Superman and Batman) far more. I really enjoyed the new Superman movie and am disappointed it's not getting its own sequel, rather than sharing one with not just Batman, but a new Batman. Don't blame Ben. Blame D.C..

In the meantime, imagine the Batman of your dreams and how Affleck will ruin it for you.

May the Internet be with you.

Other Monsters (Retro)

All our monsters and villains are "Others". All our enemies or threats are "Others". All fear of crime comes from fear of the "Others".  In the end we can only trust ourselves, but what if I told you that aye, verily, within your own mind lurk "Others".  What if I also told you that everything looks way cool in retro sci-fi pulp covers?

So yeah, "Others". What perhaps is more interesting is what we define as "Not Other". Who is in our Tribe and thus one of us, not one of them? Who walks in the Light and not in the Dark?

Mexican Wrestling Vader might appear to be a bad guy, but he's just waiting for his reverse heel turn. The Flip-Rudo.

Artist's Representation

Did you hear the big nerd news? Disney bought LucasFilms, and so now the Mouse owns The Force. I don't like it in principle cuz "Monopoly" but creatively, hell yeah! Lucas was space drunk on his own fame/wealth and turned to crap. But he only got 4 billion for it, which, combined with the many other billions he's made off Star Wars, heh. You win, George, you win. Here's a cosmic Ring:

A spiral of death, a sun-like star expelling outer shells in its old age, prelude to star's end. Fitting for the finger of such a creative titan. But here's an industry secret: False Color

Mighty Orion, most beautiful of all nebula. But this picture, and pretty much every awesome astronomy picture you've seen, is a 'shop of sorts. In some form or another, astronomers take the raw data of their images and "translate" these images into colors. Since data is just numbers, in this case, the redshifts of various elements. These redshifts are numbers, these numbers are translated to colors, the colors you see above. What you might see with your eye could be quite different. Who knows - you'll never get a chance.

But isn't "False Color" what our brain is doing with all color anyway? Without eyes to see, there's no blue, or red, or green. Just frequencies of radiation. It is the seer that defines color, and thus, all of life is "False Color".

Or at least creatively enhanced.