Obligatory Xmas Post

May your Christmas tree not catch on fire. Seriously, Christmas trees are extremely flammable so use caution all through the holiday season.

I think most people dislike Christmas, but don't want to say it. A silent majority, if you will. But the kids love it, so we all oblige.

Thanks Dad!

So this is a new thing too - politicians not only posing with guns, but with their kids and guns. Cuz Republican Jesus knows nothing says "Pro-Life" like having everyone in the family armed.

Not worth helmets or proper footwear though - cuz there's no Republican Fetish Lobby for helmets, is there?

Yep, it's right there in the Bible - the Holy man is an American with a handgun. Praise Republican Jesus!

Prodigal, Yo

The good son, visiting his ill Mother. Sweet, right? Or is this but step in "stealing Mom blind" scam? No way, right? No son would ever steal from his sick Mother?

No man would grow an actual rat tail, right? Wrong!

Truth in advertising, for sure. I once again throw out for the enterprising entrepreneur: Laser tattoo removal. Massive bucks to be had.

Teach them well

Might as well have a beer too. What's the diff? Little juggalo got to learn how to party early, you know?

Another juggalo Mom. Don't know what a juggalo is? GO NO FURTHER! Ask no more questions! Ignorance is bliss.

Like, better to know this never happened, right? And yet here we are. SPRING BREAK!!!! Not juggalos, as far as I can tell - I'm not an expert though. They have to be Americans, however - who else drinks Bud?

British Pub baby only drinks Bass.

Tips for Good Parenting

I'm surprised any baby survived the 1950's. Advice like "Eat Uranium!" and "Play with Tacks!" seems foolish nowadays. But who would dare question the Soda Pop Board of America back then?

Or the good folks at Marlboro. Surely a non-over-smoked Mom is a more loving Mom, better able to go about her tasks in the kitchen and elsewhere around the ranch house.

Mom of the year!

Plastic Bag Delivery

The baby is already dead, sadly. Way to go, stork! You didn't know plastic is a barrier to breathing? After how many years on the job? Alas.

Otherwise, cellophane is pretty magical shit. Just not for delivering babies.

I'm gonna eat you!

Back from the store with the ingredients specified in the recipe: One fresh baby.

Simmer for 37 minutes.

Then into the oven to bake for 53 minutes at 376 degrees F.

Serve in burrito form or

As a taco. A delicious baby taco.


But seriously, this a is a joke! Don't eat babies. They're our future - and so dang cute!

Party on

Party on, baby Garth! Party on, baby Wayne!

I remember enjoying "Wayne's World" immensely when it came out - funny stuff! I watched it recently and barely chuckled. Am I broken, or was the movie not very funny, past its time?

Party on, baby Kim Jong-il! May your son find temptation in western ways!

Have you seen "Team America:World Police"? If not, you should. Puppets! It's also hilarious, though I suppose I should guard that assessment, as it's been many years since I've seen it. Perhaps it, too, is no longer funny. Being old now and all.

Party on, baby redshirt. Though really that's a Captain Picard shirt, IE you're Captain, baby. Get a hold of yourself and get to the Bridge!

You see, TNG messed with the colors, making the Redshirts untouchable command types, rather than sacrificial Federation fodder. Roddenberry be praised!

I learned it from watching you!

There's only one place a kid this age learns to smoke. Mom and Dad. Though I suppose if you don't think smoking is bad, then who cares? But who thinks that? 1/4th of the world?

Raised in war, war is your teacher. Your Father and Uncles fighting, and dying. Blood on the streets. No power, no water, the burning Summer heat. What's a kid to think? That's the way it is, and shall forever be.

Also too, spare some change?

PBMF

Now, see, here's a kid who's having a blast, and no doubt will be the hell raising bad boy all girls come to love - can he be tamed? NO!

After his first arrest, I wonder if the parents will feel at all responsible?

The Happy Train

All aboard! And since you're on board with little choice of escape, might as well look happy on the ride - other folks won't like you, eventually, if you keep frownin'. No one wants to hang out with Debbie Downers. Don't be a Debbie Downer. Unless you are actually named Debbie Downer, in which case, do your thing, no offense intended. But seriously, your name must be difficult.