Model of the Universe

So, this here is a LITERAL model of the Universe. First, there's God - that's the hand, as in He has us all in His hands. Next, of course, is a turtle, as everything rests on a turtle, not only all the way down, but get this, all the way up too. And also, God loves turtles. Next is the Earth, here represented by a frog since Earth is made up of both land and water, and only frogs can live in both. Finally, there's an evil spider, representing wicked mankind. God hates spiders, as every child knows, and He hates Sin, and so since mankind was born into Sin because of that terrible Eve, we are unto spiders, hideous creatures scuttling about hiding from the light of Truth.

My goto guy Jonathan Edwards said it best:
The God that holds you over the pit of hell, much as one holds a spider, or some loathsome insect over the fire, abhors you, and is dreadfully provoked: his wrath towards you burns like fire; he looks upon you as worthy of nothing else, but to be cast into the fire; he is of purer eyes than to bear to have you in his sight; you are ten thousand times more abominable in his eyes, than the most hateful venomous serpent is in ours.
So wise up, wicked Sinners: We are but Spiders sitting on Frogs riding on Turtles, all held in the shaking hand of a terribly Angry God. Repent now!

Or soon. Whatevs. It doesn't matter, since the shit's all Predestined anyways. Am I right Calvin?


Marc Goecke said...

In my universe there is no hand. The turtle just floats around.

Redshirt said...

Floats on what? Other turtles of course. But what do they float on? GOD! Who might in fact be a turtle.