Inflatable War Dolls (Begun the Drone Wars have)

Credit: Some dude on the internet. It's quite awesome, and, I posit, an apt metaphor (let it linger) for the wars to come: Imperial Robots bombing the heck out of all manner of dusty villages across the "3rd" world, for "peace" or whatever the selling point is of the day, with the glorification of "Our Heroes" sacrosanct. Blow up dolls for our HEROES!

For example, look at this little guy, the Drone Hummingbird.

It's very small - just a few feet long. Used for spying, but don't you worry - if bombs can be strapped to it, Imperial War Scientists will find a way.

Damn, Dirty

A rare, alternate angle to the simian sexy internet classic:

"Cold, dead hands", Zira was to remark later.

Also, maybe you're now wondering: Has a person ever had sex with a monkey? Then you sadly realize that yes, according to the law of "If you can think of having sex with something, it's probably already been done", then, of course. Probably all the time. 

Or, maybe you weren't. Sorry!

Knows no Genus

Love can't be denied, man. Randy and BIG ELLA were friends for 10 years till one night, a few too many drinks, a strange goodbye turns into a passionate kiss. It was a mistake, of course, since they worked together, but especially for Randy. Given the later mauling, you see.

Speaking of, I love stupid debates about stupid stuff - like could astronauts defeat cavemen, if set in similar circumstances (out in nature, to fend for themselves)? Anyways, could a man defeat a bear in a fight? Let's start with a super huge ninja versus a smallish Black Bear and work our way up. Barehanded, of course. Or, with a big knife?

Could a man fight a lion, and win? Maybe. Maybe the strongest man in the world.

 Ask the Great Google about "Egyptian Man fights Lion". Hilarity to ensue.

Could this Egyptian Hercules defeat a Gorilla as well? Would you fight a gorilla, even if given no choice (like going to die anyway)?

Umm, no? Curling up into a ball and preparing to die would be a perfectly honorable - and Logical - response. Animals are strong, and we're relatively weak.

One thing we, as a species, do excel at in the Animal Kingdom: Sweating. We cool our bodies better than any other large animal and thus are capable of long periods of physical endurance, i.e. long distance running. We can literally chase down wildebeast et al, since, eventually, they must stop to cool down. And we'll keep coming.

Oh yeah, also our awesomely dangerous brains.

You Blink, You Lose

FSM bless whomever had the pluck to get this tire cover for their jeep. Wonderful! Or, perhaps Mrs. Chiggers demanded it - she looks rather demanding. Don't look to long!

We need more absurd humor in this world. Once you "get" absurdity, you can apply that lesson to everything, and thus, lighten the load a bit.

But then, there's good absurd and bad absurd. Boston traffic jams? Bad absurd. Perhaps my least favorite thing, like, in life. Top 5 at least. Who likes traffic jams? I'd like to meet that person(s), since they must be insane, and should be studied for science.

But maybe this traffic jam would have been a little better with Mrs. Chiggers staring you on. Or, maybe eventually, worse?

Also too, The Staring Game is awesome. Next time you play it, imagine you're looking into the other person's brain. It will freak them out, and you'll win. Also, moisten your eyes surreptitiously before beginning.

A canvas of life (getting bigger)

Breeding is art via flesh, working traits and physical characteristics through the generations, sculpting a new creature into this world of miracles. Dog breeding has been a genetic science for some time, and is evolution in action. All dogs - from the smallest Chihuahua to this monster Irish Wolf Hound - are very related to wolves. They can still interbreed, which means of course they are the same species, but wolves and domesticated dogs are quite different, as we all know. Barking, for example. I read on the interweb today that dog barking is a human influenced evolutionary change in behavior. Wolves don't bark, the adults at least - child wolves do, for attention. And is that not what we've taught our dogs to do? And so through the many generations barking became a genetic behavior lasting into adulthood, since it was rewarded. Evolution in action, in the span of 10-20,000 years or so. And thus consider the many hundreds of thousands, of millions and billions of years evolution has worked through life on Earth. Thus, whales were once hippo-like creatures roaming the land. Just for example - never forget our Monkey brethren!

EVOLUTION people! That this is a debatable subject across America, and sadly spreading across the world, is testament to the ignorant power of Religion.

Cat breeding is a different subject entirely. But still, progress continues, albeit slowly. Giant Maine Coon, y'all!

Could be a trick of perspective, small lady, but still, that's one big cat.

This is one my favorite sub sub sub genres

Yeah, cats and dogs, living in sin. It's so cute! Sue me. I have no direct experience, and have read or heard nothing on the subject, but I'm pretty sure the secret to cats and dogs getting along is to raise them together when they're young. Everything young gets along, and sometimes those bonds last.


Also, Mothering is All Natural.

Sure, l'il kitty, suckle away.

Confused Friends (Forever)

It was a lopsided relationship. Rex had all the brains, and plenty of wiles, but Chilly had 600 or so extra pounds. Despite best intentions, as they say. Wait, do they say that? Anyways, Rex became dinner one day, but really, was it a surprise? The whole pack warned him, but did he ever listen? Nooooo! Alpha Male and all that. Ha! Alpha Alpo more like it.

Also too:

Speaking of Alpha Males, Lions are the best of all respective dudes. Big ass golden beards, man - who among us wouldn't want that? Lay around all day, have sex with different lionesses (as many as possible, thanks), wait for the chicks to kill something than saunter in and get the pick of the fresh carcass. Maybe eat some other dude's kids once in a while. Sweet living, right? Human males, by contrast, have to work and work and "provide" and stay monogamous (mostly), along with the typical fighting and displays of Alphaness, or lack thereof. And there's a distinct lack of baby eating.

S'not fair, amirite?

Think of the Children

The baby lions. And hyenas. And crocodiles. Don't these children deserve to live too? To eat, play, thrive? That's why on them nature shows on the TV, I always root for the predators, since they've got families to support and in many ways their lives are far more difficult than the prey they hunt. Who always seem to number in the legions. So, next time a pack of lions is chasing down a cute widdle baby antelope, why not, maybe just once or twice, root for the lion? Maybe even especially here.

Also too - Japanese polar bear bait:

Ya ever watch any Japanese TV? You should. If TV is your thing, that is.

The Water Buffalo's name is also Khan

In a screaming match, never go against a 4 year old. You'll lose. Foolish Water Buffalo.

Infinite Khan

Don't stare too long if you're prone to seizures!

Kirk never got a "Day", but then, perhaps every day is Captain Kirk's Day. Science has done studies, and here are some of the results:

But let's not make this about Kirk V. Picard. I'm Team Picard, by the way. Let's celebrate James T., and his Evil Doppelganger.

Acting! The Shat can act, man. The Oscar should be a statue of Captain Kirk. Memorials should be built to him across the land.

For reals. There's not too many fictional characters who get noted in stone. I hope some Holo-Hipster couple in the year 2228 have a Space Baby named James T. Kirk in Riverside, just for kicks. Imagine the pressure on the kid!

Happy Almost Belated Captain Picard Day!

Redshirt's Lament - don't forget. We're all doomed to die. In fact, we are born to die - Life is fatal. Defined, in part (with so much more), by death. You have to die to be considered alive. Right? So don't fret. Accept your place, your role in the grand display: A bit part, no doubt, just background fodder, really, like so many Redshirts throughout human history (only some 200,000 years total - think about it considered to any other scale you wish to consider), but, collectively, we matter. Of course. We are alive, and so blessed to be - you get it, right? We're all the Lucky Ones, the ones who made it, who were made, and born, and survived to adulthood to inflict grandchildren back on the Mother - don't worry, you'll get your turn.


But yeah, with legions of redshirts, there always happens to be a select few in charge - Generals and Colonels and Captains and Gang Leaders, and so on - any and all leadership positions within the local tribe. And sometimes this Leader is wise, and smart, and sly, and leads his people to great success. Other times, though, the Leader is not so wise, and perhaps foolish, and stupid, and leads his people into great distress. At other times, of course, it's some mixture of these two poles. And what then? Just hope you get a wise Leader.

Like Jean Luc Picard. Today's still his day, and herewith I celebrate Captain Picard, the Best Captain.

He's sent his fair share of redshirts to their deaths, no doubt, but not as many as previous Captains, I'd say!

A Red Shirt, but not a redshirt, of course. Picard is the Leader, and since we're celebrating his day, here's some Picard Art:

Perhaps "Engage" was the catch phrase with the most long lasting impact.

Baldness defines Picard, much like a "Take Back the Night" march. Lost, but still potent. Watch:

Yeah, we're all made of wax and/or sugar, aren't we? I mean, we're all gonna melt away one day, right? So why not put up a good fight, like Jean Luc - Happy Your Day, man!

Don't watch this movie, it's terrible and might ruin everything you love about Trek.

I don't really love that Dirty Water

Yeah, hockey! That was fun. Like all sports except Baseball, hockey is a form of football, plus some basketball and American football. On Ice. I enjoyed watching the Bruins playoff run and might become a full time hockey fan. Well, actually, probably not, but it's fun to contemplate. I mean, really: Defining yourself by mega million sports corporations? Lame.

For example:

This is Sully. Or Murph. Or Fitz. He's defined by this artificial tribe that's been created over the last 20 or so years: Boston, sports, Irish, etc. I'm sure he'll love the tats in the year 2033.

It's all symbols, fluffery, distractions. Distractions have their role, no doubt, but as a primary focus, not so good.

This is a thing, by the way, that was no doubt born circa 2003, 2004 with the Red Sox run for the championship: Believe. I want to Believe. Believe in Boston. Believe in flimsy tribal allegiances to drive sales.

This is the Wheel of Karma, of course. But also another "Sully's" brand Boston product. $$$

Having moved back to Boston in 2000, I've witnessed firsthand all the major sports championships, and the subsequent "Celebrations". And I propose the reaction of the Boston Police to the these celebrations over the years parallels the changes in America as a whole. As in - 2001, the police were totally caught off guard, and the Sullys went joyously wild. By 2004, the black clad Storm Trooper look had been perfected, but not the tactics - the Troopers were caught in a defensive position, and lashed out, killing a few, injuring many. By 2005, they learned to be "preemptive", sealing off all the Celebratory areas ahead of the game's finale. 2007 and 2008 (Red Sox, Celtics) featured a jaded, tired, going through the motions pantomime of the riots of 2001-2004. No one was really into it. And now, 2011, so much has changed. Gone was the black armor riot gear. Gone were the preemptive squad lines. Gone was the clubbing and gas and sandbag guns. I just watched in some disbelief on the TeeVee the Boston cops, in reflective orange safety jerseys, calmly guiding drunken Sully's off the T entrance, even helping them climb down. The news hairs were agog, they kept describing the evening as "Community Policing" as opposed to "Militaristic" tactics.

Yeah. Exactly. And I know why:

Obama. He's the antidote to the craziness of 2000-2008, and it's working. Slowly but surely, we, as an artificial tribe called America, are pulling back from the brink. Believe it.

Peace and Love and Lack of Burning Cars, y'all.

Go Bruins!

I've jumped on the Bruins bandwagon, cause why not? Who doesn't enjoy a post championship celebration slash riot? The Usual Sullys will be out in force, smashing up shit just for the sheer primal enjoyment of it - like a destructive Carnival. And I'll be out on the fringes, watching. Laughing. Anything for the Lulz, y'all.

Coca Cola is OK (Drugs are bad)

Do you REALIZE the street value of this mountain?!

No, but seriously, drugs are bad, m'kay?

What do they need such good eyesight for anyway?

Every fruit and vegetable needs a marketing campaign. Look what Popeye did for spinach! WW2 saw carrot advertisements at all time highs, due, no doubt, to the lobbying efforts of Big Bunny. It's all about the carrots with Bunnies, don't ya know?

okcupid redux summer spacemix

Again with the blessings of modernity - any other time in human history, and this guy is a Nerd-Kabob.

Also, OKCUPID is an awfully fantastic place for sad/awesome photos. There's no end to the amusement to be had. Case in point:

It's a dating site. Would you date either of these men? Are you prepared to pretend to be interested in bananas?

R U prepared for such a culinary space exploration? Moon waffles, man.


Or, if you are interested so far: The lengths humans will go to try and connect with another. It is a puzzle, is it not? Or not?

Lessons in Luxury

Check it: Mankind - you and me, or more specifically, our ancestors - has only been around for about 200,000 years. For most of that time - 199,800 years to be approximate - we lived hand to mouth, survival a day to day occupation. Our species has been defined, like every other species on Earth that is or has ever been, by survival.

But we, the Lucky Ones, live in an age of plenty, of miracle. You can eat all you want and suffer few consequences in so doing. And thus, Pancake Man above. At no other time in human history could he exist in this form, unless he was elite. Indeed, fatness was once the mark of the richest of our monkey mammal line - who else could get fat but someone wealthy? Royalty. Then. Now, anyone can - head down to Mickey D's for a crash course, if you're so inclined.

On the flip side, the same circumstance - the Age of Plenty - allows for progress. Vegetarianism, for example - in no other time in human history would it make any sense. But now, when there's so many options? Why not? If it can be done, now's the time to do it. While we can.

But don't get too used to it. Luxury is always a temporary condition, as the reality of our existence is harsh. So, in lieu, here:

Only in, and from, luxury.

Would have been a Viking

But now just a nerd, and FSM bless him. An able example of how culture shapes us - 600 years or so ago this giant happy Norwegian nerd would no doubt have been a pillaging Viking, hell bent on burning and raping and some of that old time destruction, like his Fathers before him.

Progress, you see? We're slowly becoming a more peaceful species. But there's gonna be some bumps in the road along the way.

Peek-a-WHA?

Could be a girl. Could be a boy. Could be something in between. Gender is fluid in many regards, but no matter what: Everyone needs some love. Right?

Mr. Happy brought balloons

You say it's your birthday? It's Mr. Happy's too. Yeah.

It's always someone's birthday.

Replicated Fractal

Click for really big. The artist is pretty darn cool - check out Vlad, here. Here, you see the fractal nature of trees, and life in general. Life makes a copy of itself, buds it off, which does the same, and so on. Replicating fractals. Every so often, something happens to change the fractal pattern - a mutation - and a different fractal then replicates, until it too undergoes some change, for some reason (could be radiation, starvation, different atmosphere, etc), and this process is, in part, evolution. Life is a fractal chemical process consuming energy in order to replicate itself, generating waste products which in turn contribute to some other process. This of course is the real meaning of life, but, meh. Rather unfulfilling, right?

This fractal replication happens at all scales, from the micro to the macro. You could, in a sense, say it is our reality: Layers of replicated fractals. But that too, doesn't truly speak to our real reality: Layers of illusion generated by our minds.

En Los Arboles

White Lodge, Black Lodge, Log Lady, Pie and Coffee: Twin Peaks, folks. Weird, wild, wacky show. I watched it on VHS tape over a weekend back in the day and was properly impressed. I've started a re-watch and I've got to say: Wow! Late 80's fashions!

Note to future auteurs: Backwards talking dwarfs are always creepy.

Not Redshirts

One might say - might! - that by willingly going in to an obviously doomed situation it is your own fault for the doom that falls upon you, even if you really had nothing to do with it, even if your intents were as pure as a cat's purr...... Or, any situation that can reasonably be foreseen. Another example: In a "bad part of town", you leave your wallet on the car seat with the windows rolled down and hundred dollar bills hanging out. Do you deserve to get it stolen?

Thusly, falling in love with a Redshirt is just asking for heartbreak, since we all should know what happens to Redshirts. But! In the grand scheme of it, are we not all Redshirts? Mortal, fools, fated to be used, doomed to a certain end? So why bother falling in love if it will end - Darwin guarantees it! - in tragic loss?

You know the answer.

Now, onto the show. WARNING! ADULT CONTENT BELOW THE FOLD (speaking of guarantees)!

Sexy Redshirts

The original. And the best - do you remember her dance of seduction? No life form could resist it.

Blue is such a lovely color. And who wouldn't want an extra pair of sensors? Would that not fundamentally alter how you perceive and interact with the world? For instance, maybe you could pick up way more frequencies than with just ears, giving you incredible hearing - radar like - hearing other life form's heart beats, for example, and being able to instinctively gauge their emotional levels via blood pressure and pulse. That would certainly complicate social structures, and require a complex brain.

Theory: A society is defined by its sexual traditions. Since everything every life form does revolves around sex (and food, but even that is in service to sex - since, why else are we here? Except those asexual reproducers, the poor sods), how could it not be so? Everything we do or say or even are can be traced directly back to sex, since that's what sexually reproducing organisms (collectively) MUST do, by genetic LAW: Reproduce. Otherwise, life dies, the genes die, and that's The End.

So go get laid!


Or, also too:

Fret not: Every redshirt can find love. And what's love but code for sex?