Red Power (Fresh Gagh)

Nothing better for a growing young man than fresh blood gagh, a true warrior's meal. Add in some P'Tak Fingers and Blue Milk and you've got all the makings of a balanced Ginger's breakfast.

Gingers. Freaky folks, right? Everyone knows it. But now, a bold prediction! Gingers are about to become "It" - Red Power is rising. Here's why:

Neanderthals. Cave people. The formerly stupid and dumb brutes who, the story went, died out at the hands of the vastly superior human, homo. Us - we rule!

But we're learning more and more about them - that's what science does, after all. And not only have we recently learned they were often redheads, but that they were already dying out well before humans arrived in Europe. And most importantly, they didn't completely die out, as Neanderthals and humans mated, and had children, and those children had children, and so on, all the way to us.

The twist? There were other, different ancient human species in other parts of the world - the Denisovans lived in Asia, and they too mated with the humans who moved into the region, passing on their genetic code.

In Africa, however, the domination of Homo Humans was long complete, and there were no other human species for hundreds of thousands of years. And thus, Africans are the "purest" humans, as both Asians and Europeans have "cavemen" genes. Or so this theory goes.

Since the racists of both continents will not allow this to stand, I predict these ancient human relatives - Neanderthals and Denisovans - will get a major upgrade in reputation, and become strong, intelligent, generally awesome and something to aspire to, and yay, verily, red hair will be the surest sign of these desirable caveman traits, as it is believed the gene for red hair came from the Neanderthals. Can't have Africans being superior or, EGADS! Purer now, amirite?

But it's true. Truth doesn't matter to racists, though. And genes are just genes and it is we, humans across the world, who decide what it's going to be. Sadly, we're easy to predict.

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