Mars is Hard

Here's a graphical representation of all missions to Mars, indicating whether they were successful or not, and if so, what type of space craft. As you can see, most missions have been failures, though the success rate has been pretty good of late. Getting better! But! These are just robots, and who cares what happens to a robot? Sending humans will be far more difficult for the foreseeable future, and ultimately, what's the point?

Mars is not enough, and it poses so many difficulties. There's no special mineral wealth, little water, lots of radiation, and the low gravity means any long term habitation will be permanent - you could never come back to Earth. Couple all that with the difficulty of getting there, and it's not worth it, at least not for a long time.

I've given up on Mars, and the Moon (leave them for the robots), as they are nothing more than stunts, and our true future lies in space itself, and with the little asteroids floating all around about it.

Nerd's Delight (Fantasy Aside)

Click for big. And you really should, especially if you are a nerd or a person with nerdish tendencies. For it shows - to scale - every spaceship of every fairly recent space based sci fi show. It's remarkable! Take your time, please.

I marvel at, 1. The scale of my old favorite Star Trek ships to Star Wars, and 2. How I, since I was but a wee lad, have been obsessed with space ships. There's something so resonant there for me, and always has been there, it must mean something, right? What, I have no idea. Other than I have always been a giant nerd.

But I am TOTALLY cool with my nerdom now (not so much as a younger man), since I've scaled the ranks of the Popular Kid's club over and over again, mostly on my own terms, and what I found up there was: Nothing much.

Far better to pursue your sincere interests - and work hard to broaden your mind to discover interests you might never have known - with honesty and passion, and never any shame. For what is there to be ashamed of? Trust me: It doesn't matter what the Popular Kids think. They're pretty much all dumbasses, douchebags, and bitches. Who cares about them? And thus, let your Nerd Flag fly proudly!

Like this guy:

Live Long and Perl!

Oh, and since I know you're dying to know - and I am dying to record for posterity - I won a miraculous comeback in Fantasy last night, with everything going my way. It was incredible, as I put the odds of such an event happening at about 10%. But happened it did, and now I move on in the playoffs. And to clear up your confusion, I see Fantasy Football as only tangentially related to real football. I don't really care much who wins or loses any real football game, but rather only care about my current, past, or future Fantasy investments. For it is all a mathematical game more akin to a closed stock market, with of course plenty of luck and bad breaks. Buy low, sell high, maximize short term situations but always with a long term plan. Also, know your scoring rules and exploit them in every capacity. I've been consistently successful for many years, but have never broken through and won the big game. This year I came in with some bold new strategies and the number 1 pick and have flown high all year, but I am in it to win it and anything but the Title Belt will be a failure. And so my heartbreak on Sunday as I got torched by Brees and while doing well, saw all kinds of chances slip through my fingers - Et tu, AP? But alas! Monday night miracles happen, complete with explosions and power outages - and I prevailed by the slimmest of margins - 2.2 points. The last thirty minutes of the game were incredibly exciting.

As I'm sure was this entire aside. Thanks for reading and good luck to you if you are still alive in the greatest game of skill in the land: Fantasy Football. Who-Ah!

From Mind to Life (A Fantasy)

From a sketch poured forth from the brain of a nerd to a...

To a model constructed by more nerds to...

To a representation of reality on a fictional TV show that has inspired millions for decades, directly shaping our current technology, so in part...

To some nerd's computer skills ably demonstrated in variations on the classic Klingon Battle Cruiser.  And who knows where that nerd will take those skills into the future, maybe even doing something of real value to the world, rather than a wondrous indulgence in fantasy.

Speaking of, I think my season ends tonight, barring a miracle. Woe! Once again all my cunning plans are foiled tragically in the end. I never learn, however.

Klingon Derivations

Truly, a terrifying spectacle. Burger King Klingons. Magical, menacing monsters of burgers and space.

This, too, is a thing on the internets: Mods of "My Pretty Pony" dolls. There's all kinds of crazy ones out there. But this post is about Klingons, not foolish dolls!

Modern mythology, spreading across the nations via the Internet. Comicons are spiritual gatherings akin to Druid partays of yore. Or maybe not.

Klingon Smorgasbord

Klingon is not just an unrealistic alien species, but also a language. A real language, with grammar rules and gerunds and all that shit. "Tah Pagh Tahbe'" translates to "To Be or Not To Be". Oh look, Shakespeare in the original Klingon:

An actual production of Hamlet, in Klingon. Odd, is it not? Consider the utter luxury of it! That we (as a species, as a society) have such spare time as to learn a real language from a fictional universe and make a play of it. Or performance art:

It's decadent, really. And completely wonderful. This is how a species advances - by exploring all kinds of weird shit. Who knows what will turn up? Or who will be inspired by what. For example:

Imagine ballin' down Main Street in this Bird of Prey! You'd get pulled over and hassled eventually, for sure, but even then, it'd be pretty sweet. I'd just start cold blastin' everything in my path, Klingon style.

Klingon style. Kahless bless them.

Klingon ladies all classy like

Everything's classy in painting form (well done, of course). I wonder what she's embroidering?

The noble Princess B'rianna, 16th century AK (After Kahless), brief ruler of a small moon in the P'tak! system.

Klingon edition of Playboy, centerfold 1971 AK, B'r'andi, who likes a strong man and dislikes cowards.

Orion Slave Girl a Go Go

It's the future, and green girls are dancing in metallic bikinis for your cyberpleasure. These are Orion Slave Girls and they are a small but strong meme floating about pop culture. And why not? Green is naturally sexy.

Best Ass in the World, 2009, Female Division

Apparently, according to my sources, this is a real event: The Best Ass in the World Competition. As you can see, both genders compete, no claims of sexism here! That said, Brazil always wins, and all other nation's asses are getting a bit chaffed by this obvious favoritism.

This is real genetic selection in action, of course, and if I can extrapolate, Brazil will utterly dominate the entire world in about 1000 years. Space too, probably, because of their awesome asses. Make a note of it!

And get on the Stairmaster if you want to do something about it. For example:

USA! U!S!A!

Starving for Fashion

Ivanna is like clothes hangar for your fashions. Everything fits!

But seriously, wow! Obviously a serious eating disorder, and without doubt encouraged by the profession, because the decision makers had decided "thin is in" and someone is always going to go further than every one else, and here we have a skeleton revealed, with apparently some sort of sweater you should consider buying for an incredibly high price.

How odd! That in our warped displays of sexual attraction - the end all be all of 96% of all human behavior - we could veer so far from sexually healthy. Meaning, most sexual displays are intended to show how virile and fit we are as an individual, and thus good breeding stock. And this premise is not human, but rather a function of higher lifeforms, and even more so, these multitudes of behaviors are not ours or any creature's, but rather the sum expression of our genes. Our genes want to reproduce, and we are the vehicles for them to do so.

And thus I ask this poor lady's genes: Speak up!

Finnish Fashion

Some Finnish hipster kids. From a Finnish fashion blog, here. Enjoy!

To belabor the rant, let me make some superficial judgments: These kids have their own mobile phones, they play video games a good portion of the day, they chat, they text, they watch a lot of tv. What are the odds they're whiny brats? Or will grow up to be selfish jerks? Since their Finnish, perhaps less than were these lads American, but the odds lean that way. In my opinion!

How can these kid's lifestyles compare to the lives of the kids in the post below? Not much. And so you see - OBJECTIVELY - how the kids these days (since 1945 or so) are taking this world to Heck in a Hand Basket, and all the Old Coots are right: These young whipper snappers are ruining everything!

Don't get me wrong - I grew up in front of the tv and had one of the first Atari home game systems - Pong ruled, dawg. I'm fully immersed in the generations undergoing this transformative shift. I'm just a hypocritical fossil and like to Lament shit. But I'm up front about it.  My generation sucks, as does my Fathers, and I'm sure the generations to come will suck just as much. We all suck!

The kids these days

I'm getting old. I can sense a change in my perception over the last few years where things no longer look the same - young people on the TV look SOOOO young, but I know they're in their early 20's. But they look like kids now, and not so long ago they looked like my peers. This perception shift, with the corresponding shock at "the kids these days!", is a universal feature of getting old, and many have a hard time dealing with it without becoming cantankerous old coots.

So my rant: The kids these days! With their mobile phones and texting and piercings and generally sullen behaviors! But seriously: Imagine most kids lives over the past 60 years or so, compared to the life the kids in the picture above lived. No doubt they're living on a small farm, working hard every day, with no tv, no radio, no electricity for cryin' out loud! Candle light readings of the Bible then to bed at 8 to rise before dawn and work all day long again. Sound like fun? Hell no!

But I guarantee these were serious, dutiful children who seldom complained and were respectful of their parents and traditions. Is this good? Not entirely, but is that not a type of person we as a society say we want? Isn't that an ideal? 

Maybe. I think it at least used to be. But today? Whatever feels good, do it.

In conclusion, it's a common thread throughout all of human history that the older generation thinks the younger generation is going to hell - the Greeks were bitching about the poor morals of young Alexander's generation. You hear it all the time, from old people of course. So clearly, this is a subjective and often erroneous judgment, since younger generations can of course be "better" than their parents. But I propose that with the full blossoming of the Industrial Revolution circa 1945, a large percentage of humanity changed from the norm that existed for all of human history, and that in fact we today live in a remarkably unique time where Technology has at last completely and utterly changed us as a species.

We're going through the awkward teenage years now, armed with nukes. Perhaps if we survive, we'll mature alongside this magical Technology, and truly achieve our potential: To spread everywhere, deep into space.

So take note, young people! The absolute survival of humanity as a species depends on YOU getting your act together. Cut your damn hair for starters!

The Softer Side of Sears (1958)

Angels of the night, in red and pink flammable lace, bearing torches testifying their undying love for you. Till they burn up. Wait, did people still use candles as a regular lighting source in 1958? Inquiring minds want to know. This is a scan from the 1958 Sears Catalog. You remember that, right? Not 1958, mind you, but the Sears Catalog. I sure do - I'd spend countless hours reviewing the toy section, then the sports and camping pages. By the time I would have appreciated this

I had moved on to Cosmo and the "Sports" Illustrated swimsuit issue. Times change. Anyways, check out these ladies! The body type is still generally considered "ideal", save perhaps for the lack of breast implants. But now, consider this:

Hark! These girls were considered chubby in 1958. Also, "chubby" was a perfectly acceptable marketing word. Awesome! But behold how thin these girls are compared to the bloated fatbags that make up a goodly percentage of children (and adults) today. What's happened? Unbridled wealth? TV? Wal Mart? Republicans? Probably!

You Are What You Eat

Would you like a tall glass of "Just Corn Syrup"? If you drink any soda, you do. Enjoy! Of course, in this new age of "Reduce, Reuse, Recycle", after slurping down a big tasty cup of "Just Corn Syrup", you get:

Mmm... Super Tangy! And don't let "Man v. Wild" fool you - you can't drink piss. But you could sure eat this:

It wouldn't be pleasant, most likely quite painful, and probably not very delicious. But you could eat it! Leading to:

Mostly organic!

Many folks have wondered about the meaning of life. Maybe you have. Well, it's arguably to make poop. Now, snigger if you will, but seriously, that's what life does: It consumes some materials (materials = energy as E=Mc2) and than excretes others after using the material for sustenance. Life is an energy processing machine, taking one thing and turning it into another - and that's how the Universe evolves. Deep, huh? Deep doodoo.

Also, this is how you can train your kids to pick up after the dog:

A real product!

Ads from a hidden land

A real ad! From Japan, where Hollywood Big Shots are free to sell any old product in all sorts of odd ways. An Ewok-Lucas-Wookie kebab? Why not? Back in the day, no one in America (the only important country in the world, of course) would ever know. For example:

Arnold. This was not the image he portrayed in America in the 80's. What does that say about each country? 

Buy Boss! A scowling Tommy Lee Jones commands you!

Faceless

That's the appeal, right? The anonymity? The faceless soldier in a war far grander than you'll ever gather? The Brotherhood that is losing one's self and taking on the same identity as so many others? Or is it all the chicks Stormtroopers get?

Big in Japan. Oh yeah!

I think the Trooper here is the umpire, which makes no sense. But then, have you ever watched Japanese TV? It's crazy!

Like these dudes. Every bachelor party in Japan has a Stormtrooper.

And every museum has a Stormtrooper exhibit.

I wonder if anyone has written a thesis on the conflation of the Stormtrooper with the Samurai. There's a Grad degree there!

I Think I'm Turning

See if you can identify all the characters here. You should be able to, with a bit of consideration.

So, maybe this is an obvious statement, but since reading Lord of the Rings I've noticed how many other stories seem heavily influenced by it. But then, it could easily be said LOTR is heavily influenced by other tales - Nordic mythology, of course, but also Greek and Roman. Perhaps all stories are influenced by all other stories, and this is our collective mythology - a notion nicely detailed by various Joseph Campbell works.

Three examples from Star Wars: Emperor = Sauron; Death Star = The Ring; Storm Troopers = Orcs.

I can defend these examples verbosely if you doubt me!

Bonus question: Who is this? 10 Nerd points if you get it correct.

Also too:

 

Shogun Star Warrior

Now this is art! Nerd millionaires should fund artists who can produce this quality of fanart. And then hang it on their expensive, tacky walls. Culture!

It seems this scene - Cloud City Father Confessional - has become myth to a large portion of humanity. It's wonderful to see it happen before my eyes, mythmaking in action. How long it lasts is anyone's guess, but the Star Wars mythology is going strong for now.

As a nerd, I must insist on pointing out Vader really had little to do with the various Death Stars - which are central to the entire storyline, including the prequels. He was just a lackey; everything was all about the Emperor.

Art du Vader

The Prequels in many ways ruined the character of Darth Vader. Whereas before the Prequels there was an evil villain who still possessed a core of good, after the Prequels there's a whiny brat who just doesn't like being told what to do.

That said, like most things with the Prequels, the concept is good: The corruption of a Savior. The execution, OTOH, well, it was lacking. Alas!

Maybe someone else can remake the prequels in 2040 or so, after Lucas has become one with the Force. A good story never truly dies, nor is it ever owned by its author.

Indeed. If you hit the right mythological notes, your story will become common human currency. Who doesn't know all three characters in this painting, for example?