Keep Cool

Of course Barack is the lead - he's the best president America's had in a generation. Maybe back to LBJ? Or FDR? Bush was an absolute disaster and so clearly is the comedic relief, and Clinton while formidable was both personally flawed because of his willy, and faced the emergence of the Wingnuts in power, which hobbled his every move. Barack faces a far more virulent Wingnuttia, but already has accomplished more than Clinton did in 8 years. Cuz he's awesome.

He's no Calvin Coolidge of course. Who could be, except cool Calvin himself?

Bitches Do Not Know

Our Founding Fathers. A band of super awesome Rambo dudes who blew up shit and asked questions maybe later. If they were bored. What's to question? Jesus did it. In the Wingnut brain, which is fevered.

US Grant is cool cuz he was drunk and fucked shit up. But! If you ask your average Wingnut about him, he'll be conflicted, cuz he was also a DIRTY NORTHERN LIBERAL SCUM! So says the Tribe. And thus in the SOCIALIST column.

SOCIALIST as fuck!

Black n' White

A madness has infected America - Wingnuttery. It's a contagion at this point, replicating via right wing radio and tv. This contagion is spreading globally to the detriment of the entirety of humanity. But! This small percentage of infected Americans - usually around 27% full infection, 15-17% partially infected - is growing increasingly marginalized, least of all by the radicalization of the rest of the population. One cannot simply sit back and let evil take over unchallenged. Rohan? Will you stand?

The Wingnuts today are still seeking payback for the impeachment of Nixon - Clinton went down because of this - and view him as a victim of the LIBERAL AGENDA rather than any malevolent being on his own. Also too, given his policies during his Administrations, they'd burn him - but cognitive dissonance is never a problem for the Wingnuts.

Never fear! A Savior came and rescued America from the grip of the LIBERALS:

St. Ronnie Raygun, Bringer of the Madness. At this point, you've got to view Reagan in one of two ways (with some nuance, of course, but not worth discussing with the Wingtards, since nuance is a concept lost upon them): 1. The greatest President evah!, or 2. A dottering fool used to usher in an age of American fascism.

Did you pick #1? You probably HATE this guy then, amirite?

FDR. The DEVIL hisself. I mean, he gave America generations of wealth and comfort for the aged and ill, and oh yeah, won WW2. LIBERAL SCUM!

Not a 'shop, by the way - how awesome is that? Also too, everyone back then was pretty damn ugly  - evolution in action?

President Baby

President Baby thinks your work needs improvement. Could you be giving more effort and attention? Also, a diaper change would be grand.

Ditto. Also, pardon me!

L'il Nixon goes to China

Go ahead and do a Nixon impersonation - I guarantee you'll feel awesome when done. For impersonating Nixon IS fun, period. I. Am. Not. A. Crook!  Blalghalalghlagh!

And how would a little girl in China know how to do a Nixon impersonation? Memes. And why would she do it at her Birthday party? Cuz she's awesome.

OG (pre-old-school)

Word. L'il gangsta's keepin' it real. And extra fresh.

But seriously: Hilarious. And sad - this boy's life is no doubt already ruined, destined for frequent run ins with the law and perhaps an untimely death. And for why? The sins of his parents.

Also too: Memes repeating at the cultural level. The gangsta look is relatively new in China, but I bet it's extremely popular among certain groups. Imported via evil American media, no doubt.

Think of the power of the meme - someone/people in America invents gangsta culture, based on mafia movies. This invention in turn inspires people in far away lands to emulate that culture, thereby producing behaviors that would never occur organically. The meme jumps from mind to mind and can re-write everything if the winds are right.

Co-opt

The evolution of Ice Cube mirrors our society. Strangely!

Consider: Ice Cube was once a hard core gang banger. Now he stars in family friendly movies and lives in a large mansion with many luxuries. This is the power of Power: Pleasure or punishment. Co-opt those that can be co-opted with easy pleasures and loose chains. Those who actively oppose must be crushed.

And so we see the evolution of celebrity. Ice Cube was once hardcore but is now family friendly. AC-DC was once forbidden to "normal" audiences. Now their music is used in commercials, pregames, and radio lead ins. Tattoos were once the province of sailors and criminals. Now Redshirt's Mom has one, and so many more. You see?

Our world has become EXTREME! In all regards. Not surprising, I suppose, given the last 70 years of humanity. But how to jibe with our current Theocratic longings, with the rise of the lunatic Tea Party?

Notes for future oppressors: A middle class is your best friend, as they provide the stability necessary to make your reign long lasting. Oppress your subjects too much and they will rebel, to everyone's loss. Keep a slight majority well fed and entertained and you and yours can rule forever.

"History"

Cool hair, right? I can't be bothered to look up his name, but he's one of the "experts" from the "History" Channel show "Ancient Aliens", which, of course, is a farce. But at least it has some relevance to history! As we learn aliens did everything cool in the past. Pyramids. Stonehenge. Mayan Temples. Hell, even the damn Ziggurats were Alien made. Humans suck, apparently.

Here's my old man yells at a cloud rant:

Once there was a time when the "History" Channel showed actual historical shows at all hours of the day, except for infomercial time. And lo! There once was a day when the Discovery Channel was chock a block with nature/science/history shows, rather than "NORTH COUNTRY JUSTICE". The SciFi Channel showed science fiction shows, of all things. Today, there's wrestling. The Learning Channel (TLC) showed awesome shows like "Connections" and other educational programming. Now it's all weird medical conditions and trashy people doing trashy things.

And yes, the MTV showed music videos.

Here's the "History" Channel lineup for this Friday night:

7 PM Pawn Stars
8 Pawn Stars
9 American Pickers
10 American Pickers
11 American Pickers

My point? Everything's going to LCD. For good or ill I leave to your judgement.

PS: I've been using """ marks in the sarcastic sense. ktxb

Guramba deficiency

Admit it: You are lacking in Guramba, and secretly wish it were not so. But have good cheer, citizen, there's a pill for this sad condition. Gurambasol! For when you don't have it, and need it.

Available for R'uustais and Hegh'Bats

Klingon Death Metal is the Best Death Metal. And great for parties!

Redneck Trek

These here are the adventures of the CSA Enterprise. It's mission: Racin', drinkin', and gettin' rowdy with carpetbaggin' aliens. Yeehaw and prosper y'all!

Number One Day For You

Number One - Commander William T. Riker - gets plenty of love on the Internets,

but he doesn't have his own day, yet. I bet some plucky little Enterprise schoolchild could organize a campaign to make it so. And should it not be so? Riker ruled,

though it became more and more curious why he would not accept his own command. I know - the realities of TV demanded it, as no bridge crew of any Trek show really changes for the length of the show, which should be pretty unrealistic in any true military organization. But serving on the Flagship of the Fleet must have its appeals, especially working with Picard.

Captain Picard Day 2012

Just follow the recipe, really, that's the secret to any trick. Just follow what sticks.

Jean Luc is where it's at. Lost? Discombobulated? Riding tides of rides of goats and camels and what the fucks? Put your faith in Captain Picard, for surely, no saner, more reasonable man has there been in the Federation light years wide. Even if made of cake, ask yourself: What would Jean Luc Picard do? And follow that answer.

Babies are our future, don't ya know? Treat them well and let them lead the way. Also, they are pure awesomeness.

Taasty Braains

Mmm, brains. So sweet and tasty. For a zombie, of course, but how 'bout for you? Ever eat brain? Some folks have, all fancy like no doubt, and in the past (way back) most folk did, I reckon - would you pass up any food in 26,000 BCE?

This is a thing, by the by - brain cupcakes. Ask the Great GIS, you'll see. And I marvel at it, as I do all things ridiculous and over the top and just plain wacky, for it is in our creative frivolity when we are most human, aye, when in fact we define humanity par excellence. For it is in luxury, splendor, absurdity that humanity is defined apart from all other life, cuz seriously, what other form of life could even conceive of brain cupcakes?

So I see it too with vegetarianism, also by the way. It's a luxury, a decadence for a scavenger species. We are so well off as a species that I, vegetarian, can forsake biology and evolution and forge a new path, one arguably more healthy and beneficial to the Earth as a whole, but still, a luxury. For when that asteroid hits and sends our planet into decades of darkness, I would not refuse a bite of jerky or hard tack, or even fresh brain. Calories would be all that matters, then. Now? Choice.

And it is in the choosing we are human - in the luxury of choice.

My Daily Bread

Presented for your dining pleasure: Bread, in dead human form:

Tis a real thing, as far as artsy fartsy breads go. Bread made to look like cut up body parts - is not this world wonderful in its endless variety?

 Yum! Facetastic!

Ronald after dark

As everyone knows, clowns get their powers by eating people, right down to their souls. A rarely filmed event, however, as clowns are devilishly elusive, and deadly when cornered. Pour out a large Coke for this brave photographer, how foolishly brave.

Big Mac

Billions served, baby. Seriously, do you realize how much meat moves through Mickey D's, around the world? And all the resources required to do so? Wise up, sheeple! Our future lives on Calisto and beyond will be hamburger free, so prepare yourself now, while ye can.

MEGAPETA

Hippie chicks - it's what's for dinner. Or so it appears. I have no idea what the story is behind this picture, so one must assume the obvious: She taped food on her body then waited for a bunch of racoons to show up and eat off of her, while a friend took a photo. How odd! I like "the idea" of racoons very much. No way I'd let one crawl on me, let alone a "gaze" of raccoons. Yes, "gaze". Look it up. I don't know who came up with animal group names. I don't know a lot of things, and like Socrates, it's a badge of honor: There's always so much more to learn!

I do know I love the prefix/word  "mega", as in, awesome, to the max. That's subjective opinion, however, but then, isn't a great deal of our knowledge? Most of history, for example, to different degrees. What is real, Neo?

Also too: I love PETA, and all their crazy hijinks. Someone needs to push the envelope of collective consciousness in a good way, hard, cuz FSM knows the forces of Darkness are pushing as hard as they can, all the time. Meat is murder, man, and fur is dead. Maybe this pic is some PETA prank.

And to finish: A "wisdom" of wombats? C'mon!

Pineapple Girl

A super hero from the Fruit-o'-the-Loomverse - a world of fruit powered heroes, and villains.... (The Green Olive - disgusting). Pineapple Girl has the power of Pineapple - obviously! - but also additional grape based powers, giving her a powerful bouquet. Beware, Olive Gang! Pineapple Girl is on the scene!

Also too: The Avengers movie ruled. Best super hero movie on film to date, and I'm prepared to argue it. The new Batman films would be in the discussion. But nothing else comes close.

Before it was cool

I saw this today on one of my sources and was all like "Damn, bee-yotch! No u di'nt!" Cuz I've had this picture for years and was waiting for the perfect time to use it. Which I had deemed today, for real. It was all set up. And then I see a mainstream comedy website use the photo, randomly, out of the blue - like everything in my life, down to the smallest detail. It's nuts, and it's driving me nuts, but I also dig if you don't dig it. The nuts part, that is.

Enjoy this photo though. 4, ultimately, that's all I hope to provide to you, great Internet: Good pictures and semi-funny captions.

Electric Mayhem

The original Electric Mayhem, from left to right: Zoot (sax), Janice (lead guitar), Sgt. Floyd Pepper (bass, natch), and the beloved Animal (drums, natch to the max). Also, "Electric Mayhem" is a spectacular band name. And this was a great band - have you seen the Muppet Show from back in the day? Recall it? Here. Twas awesome and quite sophisticated. With great music. Also too: Fantastic costumes from some Comic Con. Mucho kudos to the dedicated nerds who made and wore them.

With Dr. Teeth, of course, and the late addition of Lips, the trumpet player.

I love - from afar - the makers of costumes and the results of their efforts. It's such a clear of example of noble intention and sincere pursuit. It's done for the love of it, and that makes it pure and worthy of praise. Holla!

Hello Metal Slave Bikini Kitty

Sexy Slave Hello Kitty is reason number 4815 that I must get myself to a Comic Con some point soon. I seem to just keep missing them in my local area, and am not that committed to travel to one. Inertia, you know? But to see wonders like this costume with my own eyes would check a little box in my heart. And that's the whole point of life, right?

True Love (Crushing Loneliness)

So yeah, Furry sex doll, apparently - not the I knew these things beforehand, O Wicked Internet, what horrors you have shown me - very well constructed, using space age plastics and synthetic skin and all kinds of space age stuff. IE Expensive. But that's what coin is for - to drop. And what else but beer and wood does this bachelor have to buy? So sad.

I surmise with no actual facts or data that we are living in an unparalleled age of loneliness, the likes the world has never dreamed. Millions of men and women walled up somewhere far away from others, even if physically close (ya ever think about apartment walls, and how close someone else's life is like two feet away?). In most of human history you had little choice but to hang out with at least some other people. There were no single apartments for the rabble in 500 BCE, I assure you.

Loneliness breeds lots of things, one of them - weirdness. How could it not? And so for the last 50-100 years we in the "west" have been building a whole new humanity - Virtual. Living physically isolated from others yet hooked in via electronic entertainment. This new humanity is going to be weird.

Trophy Rug

I can understand, way, way back in the day, why having an animal skin rug would be sweet. Cuz there were no other rugs! And imagine how pimp you'd be circa 10000BC in front of the fire lounging on a giant Snow Cave Beast pelt? Stone pimp, that's how much.

But today? With Snow Cave Beasts endangered? It's just barbaric.

Rugs of Pride

Presented as a contender for "The coolest rug of all time". Dragon with arms, demon, snakes, and super battle babe with wicked scimitar. It truly has it all. Would also be a contender for coolest van mural, were this epic artwork on the side of a van. But sadly it is not - another addition to my "If I won the lottery" list. I would buy the pimpiest van laden with the shaggiest shag sporting this masterpiece on the outside as I cruise the Loop at the beach. So cool.

This Russian family is very proud of their rug. It's no dragon rug, to be sure, but it's nice. Who's the lady in the middle of this photo? Second wife or oldest daughter? Relative? Friend? Anyone read Russian? Or is it Greek? I love that there are Russian (and Spanish and Greek and German and Japanese and every language, probably, that accesses the internet) versions of classic internet memes. The meme is beyond language - everyone gets the joke. At different levels.

Rugs of War

Rugs made in Afghanistan, bought by US soldiers, shared with the world via the intertubes:

2011 - more war.

At least it's not poisoning a school full of girls, right? That's happened twice this year, by the way. The Taliban are among the most despicable groups on Earth.

A fitting tribute. I might use it again later this year.