To Kill An Elephant

True story. Folks down in Kingsport, Tennessee got all enraged after Mary here killed a circus worker rather cruelly. Some reports indicate this worker was prodding Mary with a hook, and she snapped. Check it here.

Barbaric, is it not? And proof that despite how crazy times may seem, we're making progress in every regard. Hanging an elephant in front of an entire town (lots of kids) would never be considered today.

Right?

Crash of the Shenandoah

There was an era in our history - the 20's, essentially - when dirigibles were all the modern rage. And why the heck not? They're awesome. But back then, not so safe.

And so with some high publicity crashes, the world gave up on dirigibles, which were relegated to circling football stadiums. Alas.

So is the way of many things - a few bad events and everyone turns course, heading in as far from a direction as possible, whichever way. Cultural evolutionary leaps - Big Events which wash away thousands of days of gentle accumulation. Sometimes for the good, sometimes not. Oftentimes not?

Stroll on the Water in the Year 2000

In 1900 of course everyone was all gaga imagining what the year 2000 might be like, and as such postcards were produced across Europe dreaming up all sorts of wacky futures. Here, German families take their traditional Sunday afternoon stroll out on the river, thanks to their personal balloons and boat shoes. Fun!

But kinda sad, as there is an innocence to all these predictions, and we in our future can look back in pity, as they were unaware of all the tragedy to come. Breaking of the atom, for example. World Wars the likes of which humanity had never seen. Robots.

Predictions are almost always doomed to fail, though of course some come closer to the mark. I think often of the future, but I would only hazard to throw out a few different scenarios(guesses) for what 2100 would look like. I imagine a smoking landscape would be one of those scenarios, and the most probable one at that. But that's no fun! So instead: Anti-gravity technology is widespread, and in just about everything. Everything floats in the future.

A Gentleman and a Ninja

As is typical, I'm not sure where this is from, or if it's real, or what the heck. Olde Tymey Kung Fu I'm guessing. English Gentleman style.Victorian badass.

I've long wanted to walk with a cane for this very reason - wonderful defense tool. Also, you can pimp it out with an 8 ball shifter and flames n' shit. 21st century cane revival!

Wheels keep on turnin'

The wheels of war will keep on turning as long as men seeking power convince many others to fight the many others of another man seeking power. The few dictate the suffering of many.

But also too, I keep linking one picture to the previous, and if you extrapolate back, that's an uninterrupted connection going back years now of one picture/post linking to the previous which linked to the previous and so on. Years. It's one long story of pointless absurdity, and therein I find my liking. A ridiculous wheel of lulz.

I'm gonna keep it spinnin'. Yay!

In All Sizes

They get a lot bigger too. But no matter the size difference, they are all still Ant - though make no mistake, different ant species will wage war on another over the drop of a leaf.

And so it goes with all of life - a vicious spectacle of kill or be killed, and fucking. What glorious dramas evolution doth demand!

My World!

By biomass - that is, the total weight of the lifeform on Earth - Ants are by far the dominant animal on Earth. Not only do they occupy most land masses on the planet, but they do so in large, connected groups - there's a single ant colony that stretches from the South of Spain to Monaco and well inland, all ruled by a mighty Queen.

In their dedication to respective tasks, an individual ant functions much like a nerve of a larger organism, and one can think of a colony in this way, roughly - as a single lifeform. ANT.

Ants will most likely survive even the worst global disaster we can conjure up, and with luck be here when this world is finally burned back to dust and ashes. We certainly won't be, one way or another.

So the next time you see an ant on the path, step over instead of on, and ponder the greatness that is Life.

We build for you to eat

Doozers build things for the Fraggles to eat and if the Fraggles don't, the Doozers move on to other clans of Fraggles willing to eat their tasty structures. True story!

And that's the Doozer-Fraggle Symbiosis, teaching us all a lesson about the balance of life. And appearances. And really cool miniature puppet sets.

How awesome. For shame that today this would all be binary code stored on magnetic mediums.  Think of all the puppeteers out of work!

Never Forget 1 & 2

Coming from the Internet, I don't recall if this were real or proposed. But check it out - not ironic nor sarcastic, I think. Korean.

Tell me that ain't sweet?! Imagine chilling out in your yard, way up in the sky, or walking down the path to the bar with the awesome patio. You could spend all your time up in the sky like some future sci-fi guy, or something, making petty little lists then checking them off.

Done and done.

I can fly!

Entitled, "Man jumps from midtown building". Or, "The courage of your convictions". Does this look like a 'shop to you? I'm thinking yes, because of the thumb. It looks off - that's my professional opinion. I'm meta, though, so 'shop or not, if it's funny, it's good.

Also, at age 5, I believed I figured out the secret to flying. You see, I watched the old black and white Superman show very carefully, and could detect no wires or any trickery, so, clearly, Superman was flying. And if he could fly, I could fly, as long as I duplicated the effort. So I made a Superman costume and pinned a towel around my neck for a cape and with a mighty "Up, Up and Away" I jumped down the long flight of stairs at my Grandmother's house.

I somehow didn't break anything, and come to think of it, that might be my superpower, rather than flying, which to this day I am sad to report, I've not yet mastered.

Jedi Mind Tricks

Click for big!

You didn't see the dog in the picture until the text pointed it out, right? And why would you?

This clearly illustrates the trick of distraction, which magicians use to great affect throughout their acts - getting you to look at one thing, and therefore not looking at something else. This principle applies to all the senses - any thing can be hidden by using distraction to cause the sense to direct attention elsewhere. Thought itself could be considered a sense in this manner, as redirecting thoughts by deploying other thoughts can be remarkably effective in guiding the perceptions of others.

Also, I don't think this lady would do well in the International Best Ass competition, as I get the sense from looking at past winners there's a certain aesthetic that is in, and many others that are out. And that's just not right, for beautiful asses come in many different shapes!

The Light

We're related to trees, right? As all living things, whether they be animal, plant, or lowly bacteria, are related - just a question of how far back. Plants have gender, have sex, so to speak, reproduce, breathe, drink, eat, sleep, bleed, grow old and die, just like us.

We can't live without sunlight. And not just for the practical reasons, like vitamin D and the psychological effects of lack of light - and yet still not just for all the food and animals we depend on that need light too. But even deeper - we're drawn towards the light at a level so basic as to be chemical.

We are made of light, of energy: E=MC2. And verily, most of the elements that compose our bodies - that compose all of life - were forged directly in a star. We are literally star stuff, as is just about everything on this planet, including the planet itself.

And so - THEORY! - I believe we are subconsciously drawn towards light from the very fabric of our being, and not just at a psychological level (though there's surely that), but at an atomic level. Our atoms came from light, and to light they will one day return, but till then, they yearn. As we yearn.

Also, it feels so good!

Smile on a Dog (Rainbow on a Cat's Tongue)

There are few things as pure as the smile of a dog after licking a frozen human treat. Can you even suppose any insincerity? I think not!

Verily also:

I haz

This whole LOL-Cats is kinda out of control - did you know there's a bible translation? LOLBible.

Here's a blank for your own edification.

I love it, actually, and also too for reals.

Popped Culture

So, apparently the gal above had a hit song with some inane repetition of the days, or something - I've never heard the song, and don't know what her name is, yet somehow I recognize her. O Mighty Internet, how you seed my brain with visions!

This makes me realize I've officially become "old" - it happened a year and half ago, actually. All of a sudden I no longer "got" the younger generation. It's all skinny jeans and tattoos and big glasses and I don't know what the heck is going on, gosh darn it! I realize in my wiser moments this is a sure sign of generational age - you're far enough removed from the 14-20 age group that you have no clue what's "hip". If the kids still use that word.

I'm cool with it, of course. Redshirt adapts. It's just interesting how suddenly and noticeably it seemed to happen (I'm sure it was long in the making, me unawares). Like one day, POW! Get off my damn lawn.

The Watcher

If you read your Marvel Comics you probably happened upon The Watcher, who would show up all mysterious like when major shit was going down, just standing there silent, watching. That's his thing, you see, as some kind of cosmic scribe who's job it is to watch everything. Thus, total knowledge, including all Internet traditions.

And so I give you Portuguese Advice Goat.

I come from the Internet

Ideas are made "real" on the Internet. Strange, absurd humor evolves from mind to mind, each contributing pieces, chains in a link of creation that if it hits the right nerves, spreads across the world. A meme is born and given life, to survive as long as people keep referencing it. Meme's survive by our devotions. And lo, I give thanks! For example, to that first person who decided to put funny text over some random picture.

He/she must be a Gazzillionaire by now. Royalties, ya know?

Meme's certainly weren't created by the Wondrous Internet, but there they have found a marvelous form - a web on which they can travel the world instantaneously, infecting the minds of millions in minutes, mutating and evolving by the moment.

The Internet is "like" a real space already; with ever evolving technology and the growing use of bio-technology, it's only a matter of time before it's as real as anything, and we as a species live there at least part of the time. Memes in this environment will be telepathic - an Internet in your mind. Think of the Horrors! And the epic LULZ.

SWM Seeks

You dig the Hitler stache? Then this is the guy for you, perhaps the reincarnation of Hitler himself. Except nowadays Austria = WoW and Germany = FB, and this guy needs more Friends.

That's right Ladies! A hipster douche, Momma's Boy, Jesus Freak. The whole package.

Littler Knitler Loves To Sew

Isn't the English language odd? Fer instance, the word "sew" seems very similar to the word "Jew", but they're pronounced completely different - [Seinfeld] what's up with that? [/Seinfeld]

Hitler fascination is funny, to me - cuz everything is, of course. Life's a comedy. To reference Hitler is to invoke EVIL. Well deserved - Hitler will go down as one of history's greatest monsters. But! I think the lesson is slipping away, as old folks die, and the era fades into the past. Soon enough Hitler will just be a generic boogeyman/Big Bad, but with less and less impact. Eventually he'll fade into the pantheon of Bad Dudes throughout time, and sure enough someone else will have stepped up to take his place.

For evil is just a word in English, man, but what it tries to describe is not demons or malicious spirits, but rather the hate and greed within ourselves. Each of us, everyone, holds so called Heaven and Hell inside them, for each of us to decide how it shall be. Those rare few who rise to power are always to be mistrusted to some degree, for power does indeed corrupt, and it is the rare individual who is not in some way corrupted by it.

The key to avoiding the next Hitler is to believe in ourselves and our ability to find common bonds with each other. Fascism can only rise when a big enough percentage of the population gives in to base instincts, propaganda, and hate. These tendencies can only be checked by constant vigilance.

And yay, verily, my point: We here in America are right on the fine line. We could tip into fascism so quickly right now it's downright terrifying - the wrong man gets into the White House, controls the Senate and Congress, stacks the Courts, takes control over the military directly and it's Empire America for real, and not just in cunning disguise.

One man truly does protect us - and while I certainly maintain a certain skepticism of all power, I give this man my trust unreservedly: Barack Hussein Obama, a great leader not simply because of his skill and acumen, but his very being: He's calm personified, humble and graceful with a sense of humor and a tolerance I could never achieve. I love him, for real, and will do everything I can to get him re-elected, for he is a mighty bulwark against a future fascist America, and for that we should all be struggling.

Wow what a rambling post! Here's some more stitching:

Hell Bastard.

The Mask Family

Enjoy it for all its ironic hilarity, but consider! At one time in the long ago past, someone made these masks, and someone else helped publish a photo of these masks in a magazine meant for purchase, and some other people purchased this magazine, all thinking "Gosh! Those knitted masks are practical and stylish, and would look great on my entire family!"

That's the world we live in. A world where someone would wear these masks, unironically! These are most likely the same people now falling for Nigerian email scams.

Bunny from your Nightmare

Oh hi there! Bunny Dad, just posing for a family portrait. Got some extra wallet sizes if you want a copy. Sleep tight!

Super Fun Happy Time!

Yay!

Also:

Don't do what little Donny does.

Boil the Bath Water

Aww, poor baby lobster, destined for the bubbles. Just remember, the screams you hear are simply gases escaping from its shells.

For real! I had the cliche childhood "Befriend a lobster only to lose him to the pot" experience, happily playing along only to have my friend ripped from my hands and thrown into the boiling turmoil, to a high pitched shriek. NOOOO! I never forgot you li'l buddy! And despite being from Maine and surrounded by lobster at all times, I never ate your brothers or sisters. Except once, but there was a good reason.

There's no good reason for this. Except the LULZ, of course. And as you know, that's more than enough.

Choking the Chicken

So the Pats lost in tragic fashion - choked, you might say. I'll say it - they choked. And so goes a legacy of Greatness, replaced with Pretty Good but Couldn't Win Without Weiss and Crennel.

Also, as far as visual metaphors go, this is a good one:

Just boilin' out, y'all, diggin' life. Cooked.

Count Dogg

Theory: If you don't love Snoop Dogg, you don't love life.

I mean, even if you don't enjoy his music, he's so much fun - how could you not love him?!

Tigger for Hire

This is the gentle Tigger in the middle's profile photo on okcupid, which is, verily, a trove of photos both hilarious, sad, and sexy.

Body language, facial expressions, reveal our innermost workings at a level we are rarely aware. The habitual smirk or sad face sets in and sends a message - single Tigger, looking for love like this one time almost, except he was too drunk and passed out. So beware what your face is telling the world, it might not be what you think.

Killer Pooh

Its like a jungle out there sometimes I wonder how I keep from going under. Hahahahaha?

But really: It's extremely unlikely different animals in the wild would ever become "friends". They may tolerate each other's presence, but BFF's? Doubt it. Evolution prohibits it! That is, the expression of genetic replication, and different species have no genetic benefit, and in fact are most often competition, and thus the notion of tigers and bears hanging out is just ludicrous. Preposterous!

Red Baron

While I took in my fair share of Snoopy and the Gang as a child, I must admit I never really dug it. The laughs were few and repetitive, and the lessons were milk toast and white bread. Boring. I did dig the Adult World with their garbled voices: What's going on up there?!

The Red Baron/Flying Ace was fun though - finally, some action!  Also, Woodstock was the real brains behind the whole operation.