In the event of brain worms

Phase yourself, bro. Better this death than becoming a mindless zombie at the mercy of malicious brain worms.

We must protect this Bull!

You ain't gonna worship this sacred bull, buddy. Move along, pal, nothing to see here.

Brass balls!

24/7 protection by NYC's finest, except

When Christians want to unironically pray to their Golden Bull for the Resurrection of the economy in 2008. You know, for Jesus!

But like Jesus, they all died and rose from the dead. BRAINS, MORANS! Which led to the fences, of course. After all:

So no more of these pictures, alas!

Which really is no big loss - we've already got enough.

Taasty Braains

Mmm, brains. So sweet and tasty. For a zombie, of course, but how 'bout for you? Ever eat brain? Some folks have, all fancy like no doubt, and in the past (way back) most folk did, I reckon - would you pass up any food in 26,000 BCE?

This is a thing, by the by - brain cupcakes. Ask the Great GIS, you'll see. And I marvel at it, as I do all things ridiculous and over the top and just plain wacky, for it is in our creative frivolity when we are most human, aye, when in fact we define humanity par excellence. For it is in luxury, splendor, absurdity that humanity is defined apart from all other life, cuz seriously, what other form of life could even conceive of brain cupcakes?

So I see it too with vegetarianism, also by the way. It's a luxury, a decadence for a scavenger species. We are so well off as a species that I, vegetarian, can forsake biology and evolution and forge a new path, one arguably more healthy and beneficial to the Earth as a whole, but still, a luxury. For when that asteroid hits and sends our planet into decades of darkness, I would not refuse a bite of jerky or hard tack, or even fresh brain. Calories would be all that matters, then. Now? Choice.

And it is in the choosing we are human - in the luxury of choice.

My Daily Bread

Presented for your dining pleasure: Bread, in dead human form:

Tis a real thing, as far as artsy fartsy breads go. Bread made to look like cut up body parts - is not this world wonderful in its endless variety?

 Yum! Facetastic!

Clown Monster

Available for Birthday Parties, Bar Mitzvahs, and Kindergarten Graduation Celebrations!

Thesis: There's "culture" fears, and instinctive, primal fears. Example: Fear of clowns is a culture fear, particular to our time. Before clowns, before jesters, there was no such fear.  Fear of snakes or snake creatures is universal and genetic, species wide, spanning the entirety of humanity. Fear of reptiles is hardwired into all mammals, based on those bad old times some 80 million years ago.

Culture fears bubble up out of the primal realm, assuming different forms based on the time and society, but always connected to a primal fear. Fear of clowns, for example? Fear of the Other/the Absurd (no control). Anyone not in your tribe, and acting all freaky n' shit, is an instant ENEMY. This covers lots of cultural fears, of course.

All that said, damn ain't clowns scary as heck?!

He is Risen

He rose from the grave to eat our brains. Tasty, tasty brains. And souls. Everything really. Zombie Jesus wants it all.

The dying and resurrected God is not unique to Christianity, of course. Osiris also came back to eat our brains. For example.

Home is where you sleep on a regular basis

Osaka Japan. I'm sure it seems fairly normal when you live there after awhile - yah, I'm down over by the Pesky Pole. Or maybe not - as the old koan goes, how can you go home when it's already been stolen?

Also, good zombie proofing potential for a whole town - you'd have lots of internal storage space and good infrastructure (water, sanitation, etc). Just lock up them doors!

Longing for Zombies

Pretty slick, right? Well, it's much more than that! Behold, the Zombie Proof House:

As you'll see, every Anti-Zombie detail has been attended to.

Closing 'er up!

Tight as a drum!

Welcome to Zombie Land HQ! But seriously, what could this person be so afraid of? Zombies, for real? Looters? Thieves? It's simultaneously sad and glorious - cuz don't get me wrong: This is my frikken dream house. When I win the lottery, I'm buying this place.

Baby on board

Whee! I'm sure the kid is digging it; wonder what the po-lice might say?

I'm still waiting for my Segway future, by the way. Alas, given the nature of our infrastructure, and the ever more obtuse dimensions of the average American citizen, we need enclosed Segways with four wheels, and Ottomans, with mini-fridges, blinking lights, subwoofers, and somewhere to affix bumper stickers. Throw in an LCD TV and now were talking the new future of transportation. Till then, only Yuppies need apply.

Also, Dean Kamen (inventor of the Segway and many other cool things) has a super sweet island off the coast of Long Island and IF there is ever a zombie apocalypse, it's one of my goto destinations. If I happen to be in the area during the zombie uprising. Wouldn't work for the robots, though - need something different for them.

Also Also: One of those "random" things: Just a co-incidence I posted about Segways when the owner of the Segway Corp (not Dean Kamen) just died by driving his Segway off a cliff. Jungian!

Zombie Redshirt will have his Revenge

How much more blood must be spilled for Dilithium Crystals?


It occurred to me, as things are wont, that the old school monsters are all variations off the same thing: A dead person coming back from the dead.

You've got your zombies, of course, but vampires too - essentially, just smart, sexy zombies. Same thing with Mummies, Frankenstein... wolfman? Did he die first?

Anyways, as always, fear = loss; loss of home, loss of health, loss of wealth, loss of life. Fear is always about loss. The totems to our fears - our monsters, our horror stories, our shadows in the dark - will always be some variation on loss.

Of course, as a Redshirt, once you realize you never had anything to lose in the first place, then, well! Things clear up quite a bit: Why be afraid?

It's a powerful question.

Was Jesus more like a Vampire or a Zombie?

A difficult question with no simple answer. Plenty of work left for future theologians.