Ronald after dark

As everyone knows, clowns get their powers by eating people, right down to their souls. A rarely filmed event, however, as clowns are devilishly elusive, and deadly when cornered. Pour out a large Coke for this brave photographer, how foolishly brave.

Big Mac

Billions served, baby. Seriously, do you realize how much meat moves through Mickey D's, around the world? And all the resources required to do so? Wise up, sheeple! Our future lives on Calisto and beyond will be hamburger free, so prepare yourself now, while ye can.

MEGAPETA

Hippie chicks - it's what's for dinner. Or so it appears. I have no idea what the story is behind this picture, so one must assume the obvious: She taped food on her body then waited for a bunch of racoons to show up and eat off of her, while a friend took a photo. How odd! I like "the idea" of racoons very much. No way I'd let one crawl on me, let alone a "gaze" of raccoons. Yes, "gaze". Look it up. I don't know who came up with animal group names. I don't know a lot of things, and like Socrates, it's a badge of honor: There's always so much more to learn!

I do know I love the prefix/word  "mega", as in, awesome, to the max. That's subjective opinion, however, but then, isn't a great deal of our knowledge? Most of history, for example, to different degrees. What is real, Neo?

Also too: I love PETA, and all their crazy hijinks. Someone needs to push the envelope of collective consciousness in a good way, hard, cuz FSM knows the forces of Darkness are pushing as hard as they can, all the time. Meat is murder, man, and fur is dead. Maybe this pic is some PETA prank.

And to finish: A "wisdom" of wombats? C'mon!

Trophy Rug

I can understand, way, way back in the day, why having an animal skin rug would be sweet. Cuz there were no other rugs! And imagine how pimp you'd be circa 10000BC in front of the fire lounging on a giant Snow Cave Beast pelt? Stone pimp, that's how much.

But today? With Snow Cave Beasts endangered? It's just barbaric.

We are who we thought we were

Fear. Of the Other. Of the Marauder, the Pillager from over the hills, come to burn your virgins and rape your crops. These Fears are hardcoded in all humans, to some degree, and play themselves out in myriads of ways. See if you can't spot them!

Safety. Home, the feeling of belonging, of being protected, of knowing you're warm and dry and well fed and everything's just swell, thank you very much.

Sex. It's all important, obviously, and amputee status does nothing to change the equation. But a horse in a bunker? Maybe.

Control. It's the end all be all for many, perhaps most if you think of it in a certain way. Power over others, power over yourself, control of events as they happen, a domestic god, creator of All, giver of life. Etc. Professor Dog here could expound.

The Cuteness and The Horror

Puppies gotta eat. Indeed, everything living has to eat, one way or another. It's one of the cruel truths of our reality: For all animals, to survive, to live, you must kill. Plants are much more hippy about it, living off the sun, water, and dirt.

And it is this reality - kill or die - which is the main agent of evolution. For, quite simply, those traits that add either to your success in killing or in processing the carcass increase your chances of living. And to live is to have the chance to reproduce, and reproduction IS the meaning of life. One way or another. That's the answer to the fabled question, by the way, and I answer it oh-so-offhandedly because it's rather obvious: The meaning of Life is to reproduce. And that's the subject of an infinite amount of stories.

So, in my roundabout way, I come to the subject of obesity. It does not exist in the wild, for no creature, except one, is successful enough to ward off the seasonal ebbs and flow of the food chain. Every animal out there, save one (and the ones he/she chooses to favor), is in a brutal competition for scarce resources and there simply is no means to get fat.

But then there's humans!

She's cute, if she lost like 200 or so pounds. Only human society of the modern era could create such a woman. Even 60-70 years ago, it would have been unheard of (or the result of an actual genetic condition) for someone to be this obese, except possibly for the very rich. But now it's almost commonplace. Even the animals we have domesticated can suffer from this miracle (in that it never occurs in nature) of obesity:

All due to our technology, which in that span of 60-70 years has become magical, and will only become more so. The wonders/horrors that await us are mindboggling. Prepare yourself for ever more extremes, for it is the inevitable result of overcoming nature's "kill or die" decree.

I haz

This whole LOL-Cats is kinda out of control - did you know there's a bible translation? LOLBible.

Here's a blank for your own edification.

I love it, actually, and also too for reals.

Mary, Mother of Wings

Must have been some delivery. And spicy as HELL! Also too:

Only in America, baby. Practically though, I don't see how anyone could eat this - I mean, who could take in a bite? Bigfoot? It looks to be a foot tall! If you have to cut it up in to pieces to eat, then, really, what was the point in stacking it so high?  Ah, who am I kidding? Just cuz, right?

Billions Served

Heart disease is the leading cause of death in America, killing upwards of 700000 people a year. McDonalds contributes in no small way towards heart disease the world over. Think of the many deaths Ronald has on his hands - millions and millions.

But I did not speak up, for I wanted a Big Mac. Or an Idaho Burger.

Not really though of course - I haven't eaten at a McDonalds (or any fast food [does Subway count? I have eaten at Subways/Quiznos - veggie sandwich. How bad can that be?]) in 15 years. How 'bout those Hippy stats? Ronald has no power over me, nor does the King, or Wendy, or any of that gang.

The system being the interconnected global corporations who use us like serfs. Fight the power, man!

The Other White Meat (in suit form)

Yep. You've been asking, and now we have the answer: a bacon tuxedo. Not entirely clear if this is actual bacon (seems unlikely) or just a bacon pattern. Either way, I think we can all agree that this guy is stylin'!

Meat is Murder

Salad Man will NOT have a small bite of turkey!


And while, yes, meat is murder, of all those cute chickens and cows, but face it: Life is murder. To live as a non-plant on this world requires you to kill, something. Even plants.  Life = Death; Death = Life. 

So, yes, Salad is Murder.

Bacon At-At

Forget about all the petty crap, and instead remember - it's a wonderful world.

These are the voyages of the meatship Porkuprise

Useful rule of thumb, more likely to be correct than not: If you can think of it, it's probably already been done. You should check to be sure.


See?

Unicorn Spam

Mmm... magically delicious!



FYI - not a real product, but a joke from our good friends at ThinkGeek.

Not obvious enough though for the Pork Industry, who issued a long, detailed cease and desist order, apparently unaware there's no such things as Unicorns.