NEEERRRRDDDSSS!!!

And so, lo! As prophesied in the thoughtful teen comedy "Revenge of the Nerds", the nerds have had their revenge.

Money was all it took. A few million and whammo! Even the geekiest nerd is swimming in babes. And as stated many times before, it's always about the babes. Facebook creator Mark Zuckerberg, has fluctuated from 21.2 BILLION dollars to today's 4.5 BILLION. Tough losses, but still enough money to buy all your bases and then some. Meh on the babe part though - hope he's got a good pre-nup.

Anywho, money. It's the lingua franca of power in today's age of police states (meaning, the police will arrest you if you kill someone - probably!). Many, many years ago, there was no police, and the means of power were physical - kill or be killed. Kill to eat, or die. Fists, rocks, fire hardened wooden spears, the list goes on. But for the majority of our existence, power was a direct, literal thing. You had it, or you didn't, and if you didn't you could die at any time. Now though, we live in far more abstract reality. Sure, war is the expression of physical power, but it's scaled way up, a different beast entirely. Money is by far the more persuasive and omnipresent tool for the expression of power. Keeps your hands soft.

Which leads to, of course, the Rise of the Nerds. Money brings power, power brings the babes, babes lead to success over generations. And so we go from this

Sincere, and probably scorned. To

Ironic, and the toast of the Internet. Get him a million bucks and he'll have a 6 foot Finnish model girlfriend.

You'll note the key here is getting a million or more dollars. Otherwise, nerd, you're on your own, and that rarely works out.

However, if for some strange and weird reason you're NOT in it for the money, then, we could all do worse than follow these wise words

Give not a fuck except for the truth and the well being of not just all humanity, but all life, yay, all of existence. Did ya know Mr. Sagan was a regular user of marijuana? It's true. Also, he commanded the awesome powers of the turtleneck like no other, before or after. Proof in a museum

Kinda looks like Starfleet uniforms circa TNG, yes? Sagan was a visionary.

Alternate Dimension OIan Mills

Olan Mills is a Prophet, don't ya know? He foresaw the double image silhouette, which is beyond time, place, dimension. Even weird ass centaurs in Crystal World know the shot. Eternal and infinite. Bless you, Olan Mills.

The Finer Things

So much of comedy depends on intent. For example - if this guy took this photo ironically, for laughs, we laugh with him. Well played, sir! If, on the other hand, he took this seriously, showcasing his classy side, then we laugh at you, nerd.

Either way, we're laughing.

A boy and his gourd

Girls come and go, but a prize winning gourd is with you forever. The ribbon, at least. As long as you don't lose it or throw it out later because some girl tells you to. Girls!

Bunny from your Nightmare

Oh hi there! Bunny Dad, just posing for a family portrait. Got some extra wallet sizes if you want a copy. Sleep tight!

You know it's Love when

You're willing to take the shirt off your pregnant belly for an Olan Mills soft focus shot. That's commitment, man. True Love, and I'm sure everything worked out great for these kids, and their new kid.

The Courtship of Bob "The Bat" Batarski

Bob Batarski, Class of 1984. A shop kid, Bob wasn't what you'd call "destined for great things", but he could fix any Ford engine laid before him. Considering, for example, the Pinto, this could be considered a "great thing", yeah?

Drunk on watermelon on a warm Summer day, anything could happen and sometimes a moment leads to a lifetime of commitment (or imprisonment).

Like with most things in this world, Bob likes it upside down.

Warning! Animal Anatomy ahoy! Only click through if you are prepared to see Bob laid out quite revealingly...

Pooh Fans

At least the kid seems to be enjoying it. Though I do wonder how this will all play out over the years - a lighthearted photo or a descent into the sweaty underworld of Furries? In this case, Pooh Furries, a particularly odd breed. Have you read about this? Heard about this? Yeah. Furries like to do things in costume, things you and I might say aboot, "really?" You're getting married in costume?

Of course, different strokes, whatever suits ya, I don't mind, since, why is it my business what makes you happy? As long as it doesn't involve harming me and mine, do what ye like - and I think that should be the mindset of most everyone, since, who are you to judge another's happiness? 




Yeah, that's what I thought. :)

Art of the Deal

I spent WAAAY too long today searching for this picture on the intertubes, only to fail. :( I have it at home, and thus my overzealous attempt to find it in the cyberwild. 80's kid, 80's kid olan mills, laser olan mills miami vice, etc.... My googlefu failed, and for that I feel as if I failed myself. After all, how did I first find it if not from the interweb?

But seriously, most of the time it takes me no time at all to find a good pic - I've got mountainloads already stored, and need only search my archives. Or, to the internet. But every once in awhile, one certain idea will grab me and I will search, and search, and search. And certainly, sometimes the failed search turns up something else. But still, the lesson: Know when to hold them, know when to fold them.

Also, too:
80's Sleestack. Make it stick, Google!

Olan Mills

There's all kinds of new fun to be had in this brave, bold new Millennia; for example, dial up your internet machine to the all mighty Google Images, and ask it a question. Any question in the world. And then divine your answer from the pictures that come back. "Should I date a Landshark?" 

For an easy starter subject, simply type in "Olan Mills" and let the fun begin - the image above is from the first page, and I assure you, the laughs go on for a long, long time.

Wherever you are now, Mr. Olan Mills, I salute you: You've provided immeasurable joy to this miserable world.

Precious Memories

Alas, a few weeks later, Mugsy traded in the girl for another, peppier breed.

Alas, also, too: Have you ever wondered about your childhood memories? Whether they are real, or if you are simply remembering a picture or home movie, or a version of the events that you made up in your head of from hearing about it from your parents, etc. EX: You recall listening to your parents tell the story of your first day at school such that, many years later, when you think about your first day of school, what you are really remembering is your parent's story.

No? Well, that's probably for the best, because once you begin to fundamentally question your memories of the past, you quickly come to a point where it becomes unclear what, precisely, a person is, other than these collections of memories, which might all be false. And who wants to think about that?

Remember the 80's? Now you do.