Swimming with Rays

Hey ladies! Is this party great or what?!

No Escape

In the future, every camera will see at least one other camera.

Not even the ocean will be safe, thanks to 1st Lt. Flipper and friends.

It all ends up in the ocean

Remember to cut up your little six pack rings, to save the turtles and the fish, the Hoff and Aquaman. Everything ends up in the ocean eventually, and don't you think we've trashed it enough?

Also, art!

Lesser Heroes

Poor Aquaman. Never gets any respect. But I tell you what: Bring your attitude out into the ocean and then talk some smack. You'll be hanging with Davy Jones before you can say "Hey Hey!".

Team Other

I'm on Team Other, as DHARMA was a totalitarian intrusion upon the innocence of the Island, on par with The Man in Black himself.

Who was the Smoke Monster, of course. Which was what? Magic. DHARMA, on the other hand, was all about science and control and groovy 70's symbology.

Like all the Hieroglyphs. If you watched the show, you'll recall this stretch of episodes being dark as heck. Creepy stuff - the tale of Ben Gale.

But then, if you were raised on Mystery Magic Island, you'd be pretty twisted too. Thus, count me in for Team Other, cuz the rank and file had the best intentions of the Island in mind - and if you lived on Mystery Magic Island, you'd work to placate it as well. Logically.

Sing a Happy Song

You know, if we all had a song in our heart, the world would be a better place - this world is made up from all our songs, and if we each decided, "Hey! There's enough BS and hate in the world, why don't I instead focus on love and happiness?" Then whammo! There would be love and happiness across the entire world. Ravens and bunnies would snuggle together and listen to folk songs by the sea.

What a world it would be. And it's true - we could have world peace this very moment if we all collectively decided we wanted it.

But we don't, apparently. And so ravens eat bunnies and man oppresses man. Bummer!

By the Shores of the Sahara

Many years ago I "came up with" the idea of a way to mitigate global warming and rising sea levels would be to divert the oceans into Earth's great deserts - the Sahara prime among them (Australian deserts too). Also, I would buy real estate along these new ocean shores and become rich as Crassus.

But then the Internet happened and I learned all kinds of people had this idea already. Above is some German's idea, with accompanying magazine shot:

And here's some French guy's idea:

A close up of the new Sea of Tunisia. And not just any French guy, but someone who worked on a little canal called Suez. They were serious!

As am I now. Flood the deserts! Save our coastal cities. And create all kinds of sweet new beachfront property!

But no, really, how can you ever be sure any idea you've ever had has not been had by someone else? Possibly even better? You got to check, right? But how can you ever really know? Never! There's too many people over too much time. In fact, a safer bet is whatever idea you ever have, it's already been had.

But then, who cares?

Surf's Up!

America, millions of years ago. Not only are the continents in perpetual motion (in 200 million years from now they'll be in much different places then today), but climate changes over geological periods. Thus, an inland ocean covering the plains and the south, with tropical creatures swimming around in the Arctic. Note that the very lands under the shallow inner America sea are now the most fertile farming areas on the continent. And in the case of the USA, this of course shaped the institution of slavery and thus our current political landscape.

Thanks, plate tectonics and global vulcanism! I blame Fox News on you.

Technical Vacation

We seem to be on vacation, though that is certainly a relative concept in my case. Regardless, to my legions of fans - hark! The updates will be few this week as I luxuriate in the warm sun and surf of Southern Florida, land of everyone else.

Please amuse yourself in the meantime with your favorite Simpsons quotes. Ta!

I hope the Russians love walruses too

Fashion Walrus is ready for his closeup.

Ready for some sun! Your Russian Navy at work in the Arctic. And in the Antarctic?

Bust o' Lenin, chilling out. Never forget, comrades:

For men and walruses.

Bonus question: Any common derivation of Rus (tribe of, founders of Russia) and wal-rus? They're both from the cold part of the world. What if they're like related or something? Weird!

Born Again

Congrats! We all survived the apocalypse and now reside in a higher vibrational reality - can you feel these good vibes? Try - you can make it so.

Any idea when our next apocalypse is scheduled? My calendar is wide open.


Above, from bottom - Mercury, Venus, Mars and Jupiter at dawn. Loverly.

Dog Mermaids

It's true - think about it. If a mermaid is top half human, bottom half fish, than a seal pretty much fits the definition of dog mermaid. I'm sure dogs have many myths related to the sexy sirens of the sea who bark out at them on the shore, luring them to their DOOM.

Also, Chris Columbus saw some mermaids on his illustrious voyage, but reported they weren't as pretty as he was taught. Consensus was he saw some manatees, and no one could say they are sexy in any way. Except maybe to other manatees.

Tunnel of DOOM

An ice tunnel under a glacier in Greenland. Beautiful, but it presages a looming disaster. These tunnels form from meltwater, and quite efficiently drain water from the glacier. This also causes the glacier to slide far faster than normal, sliding towards the sea. The disaster scenario is as such: When enough fresh water pours into the North Atlantic, it subsumes the Gulf Stream, breaking the current. This ocean current is a major contributor to the weather of the Northern Hemisphere. It's loss would cause worldwide weather to go crazy for many, many years. Ice ages, massive floods, crushing droughts, monster hurricanes, tidal waves, tornadoes everywhere. Many, many people will die.

This is a possibility. And yet we do little to prevent it, hostage as we all are to insane Republicans. Who worry not, as they'll no doubt blame Liberals when the shit hits the fan anyway.

DOOM.

Pacific Trash Vortex

Aye, in the Pacific but in fact in all oceans, to a lesser degree, a great vortex of trash has formed over the past 50 years and only gets bigger every successive year. Due to currents, but you are not destined by currents unless you want to be. And you don't want to poison/starve cute little turtles, do you?

Reduce, reuse, recycle!

Hey D'oh

Hey, Dolphin. What up?
Oh right, head into glass.
Ouch.
(Dumbass.)

Fuck the Ocean (LOL)

Like, right? Why would you be swimming in the ocean or lake anyways? It's your own fault! Do you realize what lies beneath the surface of ALL oceans and lakes?

In the deep dark waters strange monsters lurk.