Family

Betty Sue's been sleeping in Bobby Lee's bed since they were both piglets, and teenage obesity ain't gonna change that.

Loose Gang Affiliations

Both the Bloods and the Crips agree: Don't mess with "The Fucking Killas".

Hard core bangers from deep in the 'burb.

More than a metaphor

To be fair, Canadians and Australians are getting pretty big too. Something about McDonalds (and ilk), I think.

Guantanamo McDonalds in the 80's.

The Resistance Continues

Exile has been difficult for Skeletor, the rightful ruler of Eternia. But rest assured, while Skeletor still breathes, he will fight to regain his rightful crown. Join Skeletor, and victory is assured!

But a Taste of the Terror

I'm not sure what's going on here, really, but I present it as Exhibit A, The Kids These Days.

Cyber ready with their smart phones and internet cliques and energy drinks.

But of course this is the tip of the iceburgh, as the Tubes allow for all manner of expression (slightly NSFW):

Flags of a feather

I should note that as concerns the Holy Flag Code, wearing the US flag in any way except as a patch on a uniform is expressly forbidden.

This is textbook perfect use of the flag during a soldier's funeral. Allah bless are troops!

These colors don't run - they offshore to Asian sweatshops, preferably in countries with a dictatorship. FREEDOM!

The New Protector

I miss "Lost". Really. It was such an engaging show. So many great stories, so many great characters, like Hugo, or AKA Hurley, The New Protector. Hail!

If you've never watched "Lost", do so immediately.

Al Gore is Fat and Also Flies in Aeroplanes

He heats his "Mansion" as well. Wonder how much that costs? 'Nuff said!

Big Mac

Billions served, baby. Seriously, do you realize how much meat moves through Mickey D's, around the world? And all the resources required to do so? Wise up, sheeple! Our future lives on Calisto and beyond will be hamburger free, so prepare yourself now, while ye can.

Paladins Suck

One of the early nerds, rocking a dot matrix printer. What a wonder! Has the world ever produced a person so magnificently useless? They dedicate a goodly portion of their lives sitting in front of a screen, typing at other nerds sitting in front of screens, arguing arcana of anime and the like. Such glorious sloth! Tis a Godly thing, as in this world of tooth and claw here we are, humans, fat and given to wasting lives on pointless minutia. Like Gods.

And so I give you the apex of humanity (for now): The Nerd. Totem to the wealth of our societies, the great luxury of our conquest of evolution. No longer are food and shelter and tigers the issues, but rather high scores and Boss Battles and quantity of soda on hand for the epic quest to capture the Fortress of Paladins.

Master of all he surveys. A Dark Power he wields in the keeping of it. Verily!

The Young Knight would have words for such Paladins.

This all is leading of course to the point where we humans shed our bodies and move on to more flexible forms. Without major interruption, it is inevitable. And the Nerds shall lead us.

The Cuteness and The Horror

Puppies gotta eat. Indeed, everything living has to eat, one way or another. It's one of the cruel truths of our reality: For all animals, to survive, to live, you must kill. Plants are much more hippy about it, living off the sun, water, and dirt.

And it is this reality - kill or die - which is the main agent of evolution. For, quite simply, those traits that add either to your success in killing or in processing the carcass increase your chances of living. And to live is to have the chance to reproduce, and reproduction IS the meaning of life. One way or another. That's the answer to the fabled question, by the way, and I answer it oh-so-offhandedly because it's rather obvious: The meaning of Life is to reproduce. And that's the subject of an infinite amount of stories.

So, in my roundabout way, I come to the subject of obesity. It does not exist in the wild, for no creature, except one, is successful enough to ward off the seasonal ebbs and flow of the food chain. Every animal out there, save one (and the ones he/she chooses to favor), is in a brutal competition for scarce resources and there simply is no means to get fat.

But then there's humans!

She's cute, if she lost like 200 or so pounds. Only human society of the modern era could create such a woman. Even 60-70 years ago, it would have been unheard of (or the result of an actual genetic condition) for someone to be this obese, except possibly for the very rich. But now it's almost commonplace. Even the animals we have domesticated can suffer from this miracle (in that it never occurs in nature) of obesity:

All due to our technology, which in that span of 60-70 years has become magical, and will only become more so. The wonders/horrors that await us are mindboggling. Prepare yourself for ever more extremes, for it is the inevitable result of overcoming nature's "kill or die" decree.

The Softer Side of Sears (1958)

Angels of the night, in red and pink flammable lace, bearing torches testifying their undying love for you. Till they burn up. Wait, did people still use candles as a regular lighting source in 1958? Inquiring minds want to know. This is a scan from the 1958 Sears Catalog. You remember that, right? Not 1958, mind you, but the Sears Catalog. I sure do - I'd spend countless hours reviewing the toy section, then the sports and camping pages. By the time I would have appreciated this

I had moved on to Cosmo and the "Sports" Illustrated swimsuit issue. Times change. Anyways, check out these ladies! The body type is still generally considered "ideal", save perhaps for the lack of breast implants. But now, consider this:

Hark! These girls were considered chubby in 1958. Also, "chubby" was a perfectly acceptable marketing word. Awesome! But behold how thin these girls are compared to the bloated fatbags that make up a goodly percentage of children (and adults) today. What's happened? Unbridled wealth? TV? Wal Mart? Republicans? Probably!

Billions Served

Heart disease is the leading cause of death in America, killing upwards of 700000 people a year. McDonalds contributes in no small way towards heart disease the world over. Think of the many deaths Ronald has on his hands - millions and millions.

But I did not speak up, for I wanted a Big Mac. Or an Idaho Burger.

Not really though of course - I haven't eaten at a McDonalds (or any fast food [does Subway count? I have eaten at Subways/Quiznos - veggie sandwich. How bad can that be?]) in 15 years. How 'bout those Hippy stats? Ronald has no power over me, nor does the King, or Wendy, or any of that gang.

The system being the interconnected global corporations who use us like serfs. Fight the power, man!

okcupid redux summer spacemix

Again with the blessings of modernity - any other time in human history, and this guy is a Nerd-Kabob.

Also, OKCUPID is an awfully fantastic place for sad/awesome photos. There's no end to the amusement to be had. Case in point:

It's a dating site. Would you date either of these men? Are you prepared to pretend to be interested in bananas?

R U prepared for such a culinary space exploration? Moon waffles, man.


Or, if you are interested so far: The lengths humans will go to try and connect with another. It is a puzzle, is it not? Or not?

Lessons in Luxury

Check it: Mankind - you and me, or more specifically, our ancestors - has only been around for about 200,000 years. For most of that time - 199,800 years to be approximate - we lived hand to mouth, survival a day to day occupation. Our species has been defined, like every other species on Earth that is or has ever been, by survival.

But we, the Lucky Ones, live in an age of plenty, of miracle. You can eat all you want and suffer few consequences in so doing. And thus, Pancake Man above. At no other time in human history could he exist in this form, unless he was elite. Indeed, fatness was once the mark of the richest of our monkey mammal line - who else could get fat but someone wealthy? Royalty. Then. Now, anyone can - head down to Mickey D's for a crash course, if you're so inclined.

On the flip side, the same circumstance - the Age of Plenty - allows for progress. Vegetarianism, for example - in no other time in human history would it make any sense. But now, when there's so many options? Why not? If it can be done, now's the time to do it. While we can.

But don't get too used to it. Luxury is always a temporary condition, as the reality of our existence is harsh. So, in lieu, here:

Only in, and from, luxury.

If'n it pisses off them liberals

Apparently, Arizona did not have a state sales tax under the Glorious Leader W. Oh wait,  the Fed's have nothing to do with sales taxes! Oh, you Wingnuts!

Have you heard about this? Read about this (a new favorite catchphrase)? Shocking news when a morbidly obese person dies of a heart attack:

 Shocking AND ironic, since he was working as a spokesperson for the wonderfully named "Heart Attack Grill" in lovely Chandler, AZ. As you can see, folks over 350 pounds eat free! Which is an interesting marketing technique.

And, as you can also see, the establishment goes all out in pushing the medical theme - but you see, it's all twisted up, in comedic style - look, the waitresses are nurses:

I do get it - there's plenty of themed restaurants out there, and this is something of a Hooter's derivative, no doubt. I'd even stop by if I was in Chandler, and I'm a ultra-hippie Vegetarian libtard! But pushing the medical theme so strongly (and the Obama's cut joke) makes me think of one of the 2 things you need to know to really understand a Wingnut.
1. If it pisses off a liberal, they're for it. Whatever it is. Might even change viewpoints in order to stay opposed to the liberals. You see, in this case, the "LIBTARDS" are for heath and diet and a health care system that covers everyone, and focuses on simple and cheap steps like preventive care - like diet and exercise! Stupid ass liberals, amirite?
And for your edification, 
2. Projection - if they're accusing someone of something, rest assured they're doing it themselves, or supporting it.

Now, armed with this wisdom, filter any and all crazy thing a Wingnut says through it, and suddenly you'll find reason where before there was inconsistent insanity.

There's some other handy guides, but these two will serve you well enough.

Redshirt in Love

Given the next away mission could be your last, who's to blame these crazy kids for falling in love? Seize the day, yadda yadda.

I can't wait to see the kid photos.

Back Boobs

Have you heard about this? Read about this? Apparently, back boobs are the new thing. And why not? If you got it, flaunt it, baby.

Haute Dogs

Anything for a pun. Really - I sometimes work for days in order to get to a certain picture. Crazy like that! I believe (it's been a while since I got this one) this is an actual dog restaurant in - where else? - NEW YORK CITY! I like the concept on many levels: 1. Dog is man's best friend. Don't they deserve a night out? 2. Supply and demand - if someone wants to pay for it, why not? 3. Add to the list of "thing's I'll remember fondly/ruefully after the apocalypse". Covered in soot, eating pine cones, I'll think to myself "self, remember when we were so grand as to have dog diners?"


Good times (for now)!

Space Pimpin' (Old Man Pants)

Check out those Old Man Pants on the tough guy Redshirts. Except they don't really look that tough, do they?

An observation: Not only have we, as Americans, gotten extremely fat, there is also the fact that the most athletic among us are bigger, stronger, faster, everything is more advanced than at any time in the history of our species. Using science, of course, we are sculpting ourselves into gods - like Hercules.

So, perhaps ironically, while we are fatter than at any time in our history, we're also in better shape. Some of us, at least. Perhaps a small percentage of the whole, but again, this is a unique separation: The vast swathes of the hoi polloi are fat as sows; whereas the elite are trim and model looking good. Contrast that to most of our history (all?), where the dirty multitudes starved, and only the very lucky few - the true elite - could afford to be fat.

Progress, or abomination? I report, you decide!