Mint Condition

The hound is long past sell date, but some of those Ponies on the top shelf are still in the original packaging and worth a pretty penny, trust me.

Nerd approved! I'll buy everything.


Do you take bitcoin?

Where's your "no god" now, Commies?

Look what happened, Russia! You threw out God and then you were punished.

You replaced the cross with the hammer and sickle, and look at it now.

In ruins, rusting away to nothingness, or lingering on in horror.

Look what happens when you forsake God. Look! And repent.

Come Together

There is magic, so you know. Click here to find out how.

Magic herbs 24/7. It's only natural.

on Fox, on Lion

I am unhappy to report that Fox! has caused me to lower my opinion on foxes - both silver and red. It's not fair, but there you are. So, let us talk of lions. Fake lions:

A Tibetan Mastiff posing as a lion in a Chinese zoo. Real thing. Look it up. Here he is all properly brushed:

There's a resemblance! Speaking of resemblance, behold the first stuffed lion:

The Royal Taxidermist had never seen a live lion, so here you go. But now we are all the better for it, simply for jokes like this:

But alas, bad taxidermy has continued to this day.

And where two badly stuffed lions are feeding, others will gather. Run, little bunny!

Too late. :(

Chaos is hip for the childless

Sure, when you're 27, chaos might seem pretty cool. Nihilism might be awesome at 25. Anarchy is your goal at 21. But, I observe in my gathering dotage, once you have children, these and similar philosophies lose all appeal. I mean, who wants their child to grow up in a Dystopian Thunderdome? Libertarians, maybe. Though I doubt that too.

Also, what the hell is a fox? Dog? Cat? Dogcat? Also too, in New Gondolin news, I had found a rabbit friend who would come up to me in the woods and watch what I was doing. I'd talk to her - "Hi, Mrs. Rabbit. How's life? How are the kids? Hope you're eating well - the grass looks tasty." Etc. She wasn't much of a conversationalist, but she'd twitch her nose and listen. Great listener. Anyways, the other day I came upon an odd looking scat on a trail the rabbit frequently frequented, and consulting my "Big Book o' Scat", I narrowed it down to some type of fox. And I've not seen Mrs. Rabbit since - 6 days! I fear the worst, and I doubt my reward for information will bring any clarity onto this distressing situation.

If you were taken, Mrs. Rabbit, well, I hope your calories help the fox's kids. Cycle of life and all that. RIP.

Cost of War

Thousand yard stare right there. Over cupcakes! But who knows what will trigger flashbacks to times where you lived in Hell. And war is hell, of course. One we made for ourselves, and continue to perfect.

Win all the battles you want, you'll still lose the war. The only way to win is not to play.

Dogs in socks and fridges

Fridge Dog is unaligned with Fridge Cat, which is a shame, for if they got together, no one could stop them. Also, Fridge Dog lives in a much healthier fridge, which might be the reason for the nonalignment.

Also, dogs hate socks. So do cats. No animal can handle socks, except for people. Proving our superiority, clearly.

Finally, "Refrigerator" is a terrible word. Too long, hard to spell, and the "Re-" is totally unnecessary. The word "Fridge" should be the official term.

Man's Best Friend (for now)

Sure, your dog is your best pal, loyal and true. Waits for you at the door with unconditional love.

It's a sham. They're just biding their time. The first moment of weakness, and bam! Stealing your sled.

Products of training

A Kenellos one shot, but stirring in its frozen action.

Not all dogs fight the power, but many represent the power. Training, you see.

We do what we're trained to do.

What's your training? And not your schooling or degree or certification, but rather, how you were raised. Loved? In a safe, educational, healthy environment? Beaten? Moved from shelter to shelter? Cursed? Praised? The training we all undergo shapes us to this day. You can de-train, but first you must become aware.

Open your eyes! We are all but dogs getting taught lessons for kibble, and avoiding beatings.

Send a Dog

Laika, the first Earthling to leave the planet. How greater could be the glory? Laika, SPACEDOG!

Glory enough to make the art for a pack of Soviet smokes. That smooth flavor and gentle smoke reminds one of the heroic sacrifices from our dog friends on our behalf. Thank you, dogs, for all you do for us!

Of course, dogs have been used in war from the day war was invented, I bet. Or thereabouts. Here we have a dog bomb - a little terrier packed with explosives, trained to run under tanks. You wouldn't trust a job like this to a monkey, or a cat. Only dog will deliver, and BOOM.

But a dog can be trained in the hippy as well, out protesting in the street and fightin' The Man! Kanellos has inspired (and probably fathered) the next generation of Anarchy Dogs.

The power of barking

Or, another example: Since I acquired my magic tiger stopping rock, I've not been attacked once by a tiger. Faith! Praise Dog!

You know who else loved dogs?

Hitler, that's who. How do you feel now, dog owner, to know that Hitler also loved dogs? And wicked cool mustachios?

And going for walks. Do you like going for walks? Monster.

Behold the Hitler baby!  You were a baby once, too, like Hitler.

FOR SHAME!

Big Sports News

Yeah sure you betchya! The big dog sled thing is happening this weekend!

FREEDOM! Who can tell ya how big a soda ya can drink?! No one, for gosh sakes!

Bush Originals

I'm sure you've seen the kinda creepy paintings of W in the bath and shower by now, painted by W himself. Well, look again!

I'm impressed, honestly, for the effort. And I don't think they're that bad - they're not masterpieces, but I'd hang 'em on my wall if my kid painted them - well, not these, actually. Kinda creepy. Like W has to wash off all the blood on his hands, but it never washes out! But in a far happier theme:

Behold, Bush originals, ready for the gallery - and if I owned an art gallery I'd totally exhibit them, unironically. Let the protestors bring the irony (and $$$).

The artist himself with some new pieces - look at the cute puppies! And W looks so happy. Good for him! Art is its own reward.

I'll give W some more credit - he's mostly kept out of the limelight. He could have had a disastrous role if he had played into the Tea Party anger. But no, relatively classy as hell. So, despite all the horrors and terrors of his two terms, despite his loathsome supporters (an unironic bumper sticker above), I say to you W: Enjoy your painting!

F the Police

Yeah! Anarchy, man!

The power of hippie chicks is enough to stem the black armor clad stormtrooper tide.

Rebel dogs are necessary for man to defeat The Man. Don't go protest without one.

The New Protector

I miss "Lost". Really. It was such an engaging show. So many great stories, so many great characters, like Hugo, or AKA Hurley, The New Protector. Hail!

If you've never watched "Lost", do so immediately.

You wouldn't like me

There are smart Hulks in the comic lore. And grey Hulks.

And all kinds of other Hulks.

But "The Hulk" - the myth - is rather about a Jekyll/Hyde/Frankenstein story of a man who gets angry and turns into an unstoppable green smashing machine. And it's true - the Hulk cannot be stopped. His power is that his anger/rage/pain/fear makes him stronger, thus, the more powerfully you were to beat on the Hulk, well, he'd only get stronger still. This of course plays to powerful, instinctual emotions in people. The feeling of power/powerlessness. Anger and the wish to smash your enemies, or everything. Freedom from constraints of society and morality. Fear of the monster lurking inside. Fear of power. Etc.

Super heroes from the comics - Superman, Batman, Hulk, etc, are our new myths, and they're all pretty awesome. Let Spidey be your guide, man. Or even Aquaman, if that's your thing. Swamp Thing says Amen!