Sexy Time with Vladimir Putin (and friends)!

Gird your loins, humans. It's sexy time with the world's undisputed Sexiest Leader, Vladimir Putin:

So tough, yet so sensitive! And in touch with nature, as you can see by this sexy nature photo. This sexy trip has already been immortalized in sculpture:

 But VP is about far more than being sexy and fishing. He loves this world (His world) and all the creatures in it. Feast your eyes on these wonders:

Out to help some sexy whales who trapped themselves in deep water.

 Dolphins love him instinctively, due to their high "Sex Intelligence Quotient".

Helping one of his cousins - VP was raised by ferocious tigers for a few years, as everyone knows.

 His adopted moose child, "Moosilda".

 As many around Moscow will attest, Vladimir loves the chicks!

 And the sexiest picture of all - Vladimir with his childhood friend and most trusted confidant to this day, "Supershadowfax". 


If you need a moment to recover from all this sexiness, I don't blame you. It's a bit much!

Cephalopod's enough!

From the sexy....

 to the celebrated (Paul the Oracle's new monument in an aquarium in Germany - you remember Paul, don't you?!)...

 to the menu, Cephalopods are an important part of everyone's life!

In fact, they're amazing creatures, for many reasons, just a few of which I touch on, now:
1. Their camouflage abilities are without equal anywhere in the living world. Not only can some of these guys change their colors in real-time to match their surroundings, but they can change their shape and texture - to look exactly like a rock, for example. Imagine the sensors and brain power required to do that? Which leads me to
2. They're wicked smart. Right at the top of the list of "Most Intelligent Earth Creatures!" For example, I watched a science experiment with two Octopii in two separate cages, yet each could see the other. One octopus was then prompted to navigate a puzzle in order to obtain the treat inside, while the other octopus could watch. It would take some time for the first octopus to figure the puzzle out, but the second one would always solve it much, much faster. Replace the octopii and try again, and then again, then again, and finally, you must conclude: Octopus can learn complex tasks by watching.

This is an amazingly powerful skill that might seem simple to you and I, but is really revolutionary.

And the list goes on. Cephalopod's as a group are one of the most intelligent lifeforms on the planet, and I will not be surprised when our AI loving human relations begin molding AI on cephalopod forms, rather than human. In many ways, they are more advanced on a variety of fronts.

Regardless, won't you take a moment today, step back, and think of the wonders of our cephalopod cousins?

You know the birds will be doing so - yumyum!

Two in the Bush (One Hand Clapping)

Now that you know birds are really just modern dinosaurs...

Tokyo, Japan. This giant Gull has telepathically seized control over an ultramodern Japanese warship.

Sydney, Australia. This assassin bird was spotted outside a secured UN meeting. He was scared away before completing his mission.

 Dallas, Texas. Annual "Large Armed Parakeet Rodeo". Parakeets here are known to arm wrestle for hours on end, for no good reason.

It's all in good laughs. For now. But never forget: These are dinosaurs you're laughing at.  Don't you ever forget that, by gum.

Surfin' Bird

Have you heard? I think I have posted this pic before, and I try never to repeat, but! I do so intentionally since I need it to ask the question: Is this picture above of the same birds as this?

Maybe, maybe not. I'm voting a qualified yeah. Also too: Check out the face on big bird here. Scary! Reminds me that birds come from dinosaurs, and dinosaurs were scary lifeforms - scary as in: eat your face off if given half a chance. Which I can respect as a part of the predator - prey cycle. I'd just not rather be on the prey side, if you dig.

Is that common knowledge now, or controversial? That birds evolved from the same line as dinosaurs? And I mean among rational people, not the Heebie Jeebies. The similarities are overwhelming proof in my opinion - such as egg laying, lung structure, skeletal structure, etc. Think of a giant ostrich and you can easily make a leap to small dinosaur.

Remember this the next time you come upon a swarm of pigeons. Beware!

Felis Catus riding a male Gallus Gallus Domesticus

Or, in laypeople's terminology: Pussy riding Cock.

But this is a family friendly blog, so take your dirty mind elsewhere, you perv!

Kitty Hitler wants to concentrate on his art

Ja! Enough with the war and persecution. Time for subpar, watercolor based landscapes.

Like so:

 Also, through my extensive and highly technical research, I've concluded many people on the internet like cats (and all kinds of pets, but especially cats). But I wonder: Does this hold true for a Kitty Hitler?

How does Space Kitty breathe?

And what would Space Kitty eat, if no daring starship comes along and hides inside her? I mean, really. How ridiculous!

The Temporary Objects of our Permanent Desires

The "Han Solo Frozen in Carbonite". Another collector's item, though not nearly as special as the Celica below. There's lots of replicas of this one, although I believe this picture above features one of the props used in the actual movie, giving this nerd nerd-cred for nerd-millennia. And sure, it's a striking centerpiece, and a conversation starter, but what can you do with it?

As opposed to:

A primo coffee table.

 A stylish yet practical desk.

 Or of course a quick and easy - but hilarious! - costume.

Open your minds to the possibilities, my fellow nerds. 

Celica Grail

In my sojourn across these digital wastelands, in search of "Star Wars Car (go ahead and look it up, and behold the wonders!)", I cam across these references to a "Star Wars Celica". I had to know more, so, of course I did.

 It was 1977. Wondrous times. Star Wars had only been out for a few months, but had already lit a spark in the world. A local Toyota dealership in Southern California thought it would be nifty to pimp out a new Celica with Star Wars flair.

 This is before George Lucas got a complete stranglehold on all merchandising and/or the power to crack down on any who would use his characters without paying him a tithe - this is an important detail for later in the story!

 And a close up on the prize insert:

 But alas! The winner of this one and only (that's right! The pictures above show the only known "Star Wars Celica" ever created) is unknown, and more importantly, the current wherabouts of the car are unknown -- even if it still exists. We might ask her:

 70's style! Ain't it awesome? Anyways, needless to say in this Age of Fetish Collecting, finding and possessing this car has become a "grail quest" for a small, small band of Star Wars nerds out there. There's few good leads, only historical documents to prove such a wonder ever existed at all. But maybe you know where it is? If so, secure it and get thyself to Christies! I bet it's worth millions if in good condition.

That said, my hunch is either: The car was long ago scrapped, by foolish people in the past who had no idea how valuable cheap junk truly was, or, more likely: George Lucas himself has it, hidden away in one of his many underground lairs, and he keeps it hidden, forever, if only to spite any who would dare not license from him.

I'm not looking, mind you, but may the Force be with you if you are!

SEX(Working at the Car Wash)ISM!

Believe you me: I spend a lot of time on the intertubes, searching for stupid pictures, especially of Star Trek/Star Wars. So imagine my surprise when I came upon a treasure trove of awesome Star Wars pics. I give you: The "Make-A-Wish" Star Wars Charity Car Wash!

Yeah yeah, I know it's pathetic and sexist and pathetic. But isn't everything, really? Indeed! And after a hard day of charity car washing....

 And speaking of sexism, yes. We're all unique, beautiful people, with richness and wonder filling all of our hearts souls, each of us valued and important and gosh darn it, we're liked and we belong and..... well. All true, but only a select few can pull off the Slave Leia Metal Bikini look.

 Also, have you seen Carrie Fisher lately?

Less than 12 parsecs

So, if you're a true nerd, you no doubt are aware of the long running controversy regarding Han Solo's claim to have done the Kessel Run in 12 parsecs. If you're a normal person, or even someone with just a "touch of nerd", you probably have no idea what I'm talking about. But this post is not for you, cool dude!


First, there's the whole debate about measuring things in parsecs. A parsec is a unit of spatial measurement (1 Parsec =3.08568025 x 10 to the 16th meters), not time, so how does the phrase "Made the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs" even make sense?


Glad you asked! When we get to distances in space, things are so big that our normal units of spatial measure become unwieldy - too many numbers! So other, far bigger units are used. You've heard of a "light year", right? For example, its about 4 light years from our Sun to the nearest star. But think about what this term actually is saying - the distance light travels in one year. So, in essence, it's a measurement of time, not space. But Space and Time are the same, according to general relativity (spacetime!), and thus, a light year.


A parsec has nothing to do with any of that, but I thought it would be fun to mention. In the Star Wars universe, they travel faster than light by a sci fi term called "hyperspace", which is just like "warp" in Star Trek.  Each involves an actual folding of space. And so, Han's boast of making the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs implies it's usually longer (like 18 parsecs), but due to his daring, he took a shorter, more dangerous route. In Star Wars, they have "Hyperspace Lanes" that most ships travel, in order to avoid dangers like black holes or massive stars. And thus, Han's claim is founded in Star Wars logic.


And now you know. Go forth, and spread this knowledge.


Also too:

Oh yeah! Your hyperspace throttle is jammed into the deflector array. That's gonna cost ya.

Let's AT-AT the night away

You know what "They" always say: The couple that AT-AT's together, stays together.

At least the "They" I listen to; who's your "They"? 

Lemonade

Red, white, black or blue, we all got to get around. And it's always nice to do so in style. Kudos to you, young man!

Believe it: There's still a lot of bitter nerds out there about how Maul went down. Unacceptable!

And super kudos to this guy - my early leader in "Best of the Internet 2011 (Star Wars)". We should all follow your lead.

I may be a midget in a motorized wheelchair, but...

... at least I'm not black. Sigh. Probably what this guy is thinking, feeling, and has been thinking for a long time. No doubt he's had a tough life, but it's hard to feel sympathy for someone who is so misguided. I mean, it's understandable - people get into all kinds of things in order to feel the bliss that is belonging, that is feeling like you have a place. Doesn't matter what the thing is, mostly. But not all the time.

When you are actively espousing intolerance towards others - any others - you've crossed the line. I've long toyed with this idea: A good rule for living - a good basis for a religion, in fact - is tolerance to all. Except, alas, for the intolerant. Allowing the intolerant to actively work against the tolerant is like allowing a cancer to do whatever it wants, because "its alive too". Maybe, but by letting it live, you die. By allowing intolerance to bloom, tolerance is inhibited. 

Thus, defenders of tolerance must be intolerant towards the intolerant. Puzzling, is it not?

Also, fuck the KKK.

Able was I

Say what you will about Napoleon, but dude knew how to rally the troops. 


Also too:

Just cuz, you betchya!

Falling from Heaven

Can you feel the pain about to happen? Science fact! New techniques are showing how certain areas of the brain "light up" when the person is shown specific types of images. For example, with images of this type (falling, etc), the mind simulates the actual act and little panic lights flash on all over the brain, and this is a measurable and predictable phenomena.

Point being, soon enough, mind reading machines will be here. Get ready - I recommend a mind training technique where you learn to lie to yourself, convincingly.

Boom Times in Cloud City

An easy prediction: As oil becomes ever rarer and/or more difficult to extract, its price will climb ever higher, higher and higher till the oil countries of the world, especially in the Middle East, are awash in cash beyond belief. And all sorts of things will flow from this imbalance, one of them: Awesome architecture and all manner of technological advancements. Sad, but true: Progress often happens in fits and starts, leaps then long periods of nothing. And if the super rich oil kingdoms of the Middle East keep pushing the architectural envelope, then their breakthroughs will be everyone's breakthroughs, and eventually, the entire world will benefit.

Till then, let us remark how it once was America who was astounding the world with ever greater feats of construction, but those days are long gone now, aren't they? Thank Tricky Dick and St. Ronnie and all the Dittoheads hence.

Thesis: The health of a country can be directly correlated to its overall construction rate (and the overall debt rate), averaged over a set period of time. Dubai, of course, has cash money up the Yin-Yang, and is spending it aggressively yet strategically. America spends hundreds of billions of dollars every year in Finance Charges. And that, precisely, is why we no longer have nice things.