The New Protector

I miss "Lost". Really. It was such an engaging show. So many great stories, so many great characters, like Hugo, or AKA Hurley, The New Protector. Hail!

If you've never watched "Lost", do so immediately.

Inauguration 2013

Can U believe it's 2013? Like, the future man. But know Bill's still just cold mackin' chicks, cuz, why not? Bill's in it for the laughs. Johnny Boner, on the other hand

is all about the tears. So many tears - for a Republican this must be a grave injustice.  Why?

Suck it, haters. President Obama rules!

He Smoked A Lot

For many years, too many years, I used to joke: I should take up a 5 pack a day smoking habit, and then get fired from my job since I was always smoking, then sue my former employer for discrimination because I was forced to smoke away from work, and thus got nothing done. Not my fault! I am a smoker yet you do not allow me to smoke at my desk! And then, when I died of some cancer related illness, rich, my tombstone would read: Here lies Redshirt - He Smoked A Lot.

I no longer make such japes, as smoking is truly not funny. Disgusting, rather. But this bloke clearly has similar ideas to young Redshirt - how much can I smoke? I trust this is for some stupid word record or such. MOST CIGARETTES!

I quit those evil things months ago. Look at me, all high and mighty and no longer chained to a poisonous gas. I realized I'd rather delay my death, and toast the days instead.

Here's to you, skull in the upper corner. I'm sure your life long ago was awesome and so very important.

You know nothing

Ya see, Ygritte symbolizes life, and the football represents our goals and desires, and Jon Snow represents you. Ghost symbolizes a Direwolf Snoopy. Deep stuff, amirite?

Happy Fall (Winter is Coming)

He eats rock and shits coal!

Why have people in a tank when the tank can run itself just fine without people? Also, it's got an attitude.

"To Serve and Protect" - rich people's assets, of course. Which includes prisoners - the "hip" labor force of the 21st century!

Why have people perform grunt tasks like hauling small Japanese women, when a robot can perform the same task for a fraction of the cost? Also, future Terminators should have cute bear or raccoon faces painted on their indestructible exoskeletons. Just for the lulz.

YOU HAVE A QUESTION ABOUT "THE WAR OF JENKIN'S EAR"? PROCEED.

Substitute robots never get the proper respect.

Note these days well, meatsacks, the robots will take all of our jerbs soon enough. Leaving us countless hours for horseshoes and lemonade. Winter is coming for the species named "Man", and we are lucky enough to be here when it happens. It's going to be interesting to say the least!

They took our jerbs!

Pacific Trash Vortex

Aye, in the Pacific but in fact in all oceans, to a lesser degree, a great vortex of trash has formed over the past 50 years and only gets bigger every successive year. Due to currents, but you are not destined by currents unless you want to be. And you don't want to poison/starve cute little turtles, do you?

Reduce, reuse, recycle!

Red Shirt Is

Green where there was only brown before, forever. It's magical. For comparison:

The harsh light of construction. Does it ever look good? Better always to see the final product than the steps along the way. If consumer you be, rather than producer. Me?

I love the nitty gritty in the production and am often bored with the results. To my detriment!

PBMF

Now, see, here's a kid who's having a blast, and no doubt will be the hell raising bad boy all girls come to love - can he be tamed? NO!

After his first arrest, I wonder if the parents will feel at all responsible?

Before it was cool

I saw this today on one of my sources and was all like "Damn, bee-yotch! No u di'nt!" Cuz I've had this picture for years and was waiting for the perfect time to use it. Which I had deemed today, for real. It was all set up. And then I see a mainstream comedy website use the photo, randomly, out of the blue - like everything in my life, down to the smallest detail. It's nuts, and it's driving me nuts, but I also dig if you don't dig it. The nuts part, that is.

Enjoy this photo though. 4, ultimately, that's all I hope to provide to you, great Internet: Good pictures and semi-funny captions.

Another day 'troopin'

Some workplaces are better than others - some days, better than others. From certain points of view. For example, you could be 'troopin' on some sweet diplomatic mission to the Beach Planet, or camped out for the night in the charred ruins of some pointless Suburban Mall Planet, toasting a dead comrade. Just a matter of luck, I suppose - gallows luck, in the scheme of things.

So Say the Cards

All forms of divination stem from man seeking answers to a chaotic world, but without proper tools these answers come in the form of Religion, myth, riddles. God is man's first attempt to answer all the questions of life, which are many. For thousands of years we explained the weather, the seasons, birth, death, crops, everything via Gods. This way of thinking became engrained, codified, institutionalized. Man's natural curiosity - which created God in the first place - was stymied.

And then Science emerged, and survived, and spread. Now with a firm foothold the world over, Science provides truer answers - perhaps real answers - and allows mankind to grow ever healthier, smarter, wiser. And thus is the bane of Religion - we are now in the midst of a mighty struggle between the two. This struggle will define our future.

Which side are you on? Hocus pocus, or truth?

Model of the Universe

So, this here is a LITERAL model of the Universe. First, there's God - that's the hand, as in He has us all in His hands. Next, of course, is a turtle, as everything rests on a turtle, not only all the way down, but get this, all the way up too. And also, God loves turtles. Next is the Earth, here represented by a frog since Earth is made up of both land and water, and only frogs can live in both. Finally, there's an evil spider, representing wicked mankind. God hates spiders, as every child knows, and He hates Sin, and so since mankind was born into Sin because of that terrible Eve, we are unto spiders, hideous creatures scuttling about hiding from the light of Truth.

My goto guy Jonathan Edwards said it best:

The God that holds you over the pit of hell, much as one holds a spider, or some loathsome insect over the fire, abhors you, and is dreadfully provoked: his wrath towards you burns like fire; he looks upon you as worthy of nothing else, but to be cast into the fire; he is of purer eyes than to bear to have you in his sight; you are ten thousand times more abominable in his eyes, than the most hateful venomous serpent is in ours.

So wise up, wicked Sinners: We are but Spiders sitting on Frogs riding on Turtles, all held in the shaking hand of a terribly Angry God. Repent now!

Or soon. Whatevs. It doesn't matter, since the shit's all Predestined anyways. Am I right Calvin?

Lots o' Jaws

Afraid of snakes? This one IS COMING AT YOU!!! But truly, you are brother/sister with even the snake, who has rudimentary arms and legs in that elongated vertebrate torso. And a mouth, with fangs. All the better to kiss you with...

A Devonian fish, our ancestor, one of many still this far back - 400 million years ago. Consider though, that complex life on Earth is only 600 million years old, and everything older than that was bacteria and the like. We're new on the scene, especially on dry land - 300 million years ago or so, out of an age of the planet of 4.6 billion years old. Only then did the first creatures - ever - explore the land. Amazing, right?

Leading, eventually, inevitably (in hindsight), to us - masters of Photoshop. Witness the deft and now trifling ability to manipulate any digital image into whatever you wish. Tis the power of a God, this 'shopping power...

That's a Hell Bastard, T-Rex, Great White, Hippo (quite dangerous!), and Crocodile. I quibble with the hippo/croc placement.

We all play our part

Life is much like the WWF toy hockey game - you're controlled by forces far beyond your influence, assigned your set role and unable to move out of it, save the little wiggles in the tiny rut you call "your life". Mine too! In this parable you are the Hacksaw Jim Dugan character, and not the Hulk. Ain't that always the case?

But seriously, this artwork is magnificent. Note the detail in the customized hockey sticks, each suited to its owner. So you know, Hacksaw is the creepy looking guy in the top left of the ring, eating his 4x4 hockey stick. You ever feel like doing that? Me too!

Not Redshirts

One might say - might! - that by willingly going in to an obviously doomed situation it is your own fault for the doom that falls upon you, even if you really had nothing to do with it, even if your intents were as pure as a cat's purr...... Or, any situation that can reasonably be foreseen. Another example: In a "bad part of town", you leave your wallet on the car seat with the windows rolled down and hundred dollar bills hanging out. Do you deserve to get it stolen?

Thusly, falling in love with a Redshirt is just asking for heartbreak, since we all should know what happens to Redshirts. But! In the grand scheme of it, are we not all Redshirts? Mortal, fools, fated to be used, doomed to a certain end? So why bother falling in love if it will end - Darwin guarantees it! - in tragic loss?

You know the answer.

Now, onto the show. WARNING! ADULT CONTENT BELOW THE FOLD (speaking of guarantees)!

Pooh Fans

At least the kid seems to be enjoying it. Though I do wonder how this will all play out over the years - a lighthearted photo or a descent into the sweaty underworld of Furries? In this case, Pooh Furries, a particularly odd breed. Have you read about this? Heard about this? Yeah. Furries like to do things in costume, things you and I might say aboot, "really?" You're getting married in costume?

Of course, different strokes, whatever suits ya, I don't mind, since, why is it my business what makes you happy? As long as it doesn't involve harming me and mine, do what ye like - and I think that should be the mindset of most everyone, since, who are you to judge another's happiness? 




Yeah, that's what I thought. :)

Redshirt in Love

Given the next away mission could be your last, who's to blame these crazy kids for falling in love? Seize the day, yadda yadda.

I can't wait to see the kid photos.

Because we can (must)

Not my drawing, and no idea who's - if it's yours, please step up and claim it, for it is magnificent.  If I could draw - and it certainly is a talent I lack - I'd draw all sorts of wonderful monstrosities - and why not? For, I could, and if you can, I posit, you must. Why else do you have the ability?


To sing, to write, to fight, to draw, some are blessed/curse with a need to express, and the best, I find, are those mated with a warped mind. Only from the outside do we all advance. And thus, the beauty of a horse making out with a duck. 


Symbolically, of course. This edge, this "warpedness", is what allows us hoo-mons to be so fantastically inventive. And invention is what separates us from all other life on Earth, and possibly for some distance in the stellar neighborhood.

Schrodinger's Choice

You've heard of this cat, yes? The thought experiment goes like this: At the quantum level, it is impossible to both determine the location, speed, and spin of an electron, photon, and every other fundamental particle. It is as if they exist/don't exist simultaneously, and it is only until they are "observed" - that is, they interact with our world, like by colliding with something, or are measured.  Thus, in this cat in a quantum box, the fate of the cat is determined by the quantum interaction with a particle - and some kind of poison. If the particle is X, the poison is released, and the cat dies. If the particle is instead Y, the cat lives. Thus the crux of the thought experiment - if the cat's life depends on this quantum crystallization, and it is you opening the box that causes it, can you really ever say if the cat is alive or dead before you open the box? Or only until you observe the cat with your own eyes? Or something like that.

The idea being, in an extremely solipsistic way, that it's hard to say anything actually exists until we observe it - and by we, I mean our solid reality, consisting of everything you know. From a quantum mechanics perspective, the answer is: sorta?

But anyways, that's not the point here. Rather, this idea I've been toying with for months now, Schrodinger's Choice: This thought experiment imagines that you create your future reality with every choice you make/don't make, and thus, if you are choosing unwisely, you are creating literal "damned if you do, damned if you don't" scenarios for yourself, and thus a cascade of bad luck, misfortune, and otherwise funked up flows.

You come to an intersection on a busy rush hour night; going straight leads you one way, into a possible shortcut but with traffic complications; the other is a longer route, but a single lane prone to slow drivers and back ups. To choose either way, in this scenario, is to write one future, and to send another into oblivion, though in fact it existed only in your mind. The choice of one creates a traffic jam in the direction you choose, and the other way frees up as Gramps finally takes the left turn. Every choice you make instantly becomes the wrong one, and the more frustrated and angry you get, the more pronounced this occurrence becomes. That's your Schrodinger's Choice, and I'll spoil the answer: There's no winning if you play, so don't play.

Take that to any game you encounter.

Also, consider this a corollary to the Constanza Strategy, which is to choose the opposite of what you want to choose, thus attempting some metaphysical jujitsu on the bad mojo that's got you all gummed up.

Also, too. Remember "The Far Side"? I had forgotten about it, now, for years. I used to love it, I mean, seriously. I had all the books and read them endlessly. I love the absurd! Since, for sooth, our entire reality is completely and utterly absurd, and it's only our monkey minds that give it any semblance of sense. Anyways, enjoy!

Wanna know what love is?

Forget what the minstrels have told ya, love is but a collection of genetic behaviors that compel mammals to fuck. By fucking, they pass on the genes, which is - of course - the true point of life. We are but the vehicles for these genes, who lived long before us and will live long after us, as long as we perform our duty: to fuck, and give birth, and at least provide for this child the opportunity to do the same.

Dogs know this, as does every other mammal - implicitly. In fact, other than eating/drinking, it's the entire purpose of their lives, both practically and metaphorically. Humans, on the other hand, have twisted and cloaked our genetic impulses into an infinitude of weird and sometimes beautiful behaviors. We shame ourselves for feelings that come naturally to every other mammal, brutally attempting to control the very act - a motivation of most religions?

Add to this twisting the very actual fact we are now directly modifying all sorts of crazy genes, and you see one glaring aspect that makes us human - that separates us in many ways from the rest of our mammal brethren: we have taken some control over the genes! After billions of years of the genes writing the story of life, we humans - godlike - are now directly editing the script, at least some of the margins.

Surely, nothing can go wrong!

So yeah, sure, maybe love - your love - IS special, beyond the genes.
Or maybe not.