LOL America '14

When America burns the world, future dystopian historians will hopefully, one day far, far from now, discover that it was just a small percentage of Americans who managed to destroy the world so thoroughly. 27% in fact. Americans who of course were an exceedingly small percentage of humans worldwide.

But probably not. We're all awash in the doom we bring down upon everyone. Yay!

Nice night for a walk

The Terminator, I'd argue, is an enormously important film not only because it's awesome, but because it launched the idea of the ROBOT APOCALYPSE into popular consciousness. And since it came out in 1984, that idea has spread and taken root - we all know of it. Many joke about it. Some work to bring it about.

I say to you, fellow meatbags! The future is

Not a manual

Sadly, I think there are some Repuglicans who read 1984 and said "Whoa! Awesome ideas! Let's do that!". And they are doing it. When you read the book as an instruction manual, it's terrifyingly effective.

Orwell was a prophet of the modern age, and his prophecy, and the reality, is DOOM.

Foreign Dispatch

You can see where totems got their inspiration in the mirror form of still lakes and sea shores. When the water is as glass, reflecting everything above, like the green here of Summer, near full Moon, the full skeletal reproduction is seen by all, and copied by most - why not? Success is leached.

We're Not Doomed (today and for the next few months at least)!

Suck it Teabags. Your attempt to destroy the world and usher in a thousand years of Republican Jesus failed (this time!). Try again in about 6-9 months, if you would, so we can properly remove your sorry asses from the US House of Representatives, and restore a measure of sanity to America, and the World.

Also, have a tree full of baby bears:

Ah, bear picking season. Best part of the Fall. The best part of WINNING!

Send a Dog

Laika, the first Earthling to leave the planet. How greater could be the glory? Laika, SPACEDOG!

Glory enough to make the art for a pack of Soviet smokes. That smooth flavor and gentle smoke reminds one of the heroic sacrifices from our dog friends on our behalf. Thank you, dogs, for all you do for us!

Of course, dogs have been used in war from the day war was invented, I bet. Or thereabouts. Here we have a dog bomb - a little terrier packed with explosives, trained to run under tanks. You wouldn't trust a job like this to a monkey, or a cat. Only dog will deliver, and BOOM.

But a dog can be trained in the hippy as well, out protesting in the street and fightin' The Man! Kanellos has inspired (and probably fathered) the next generation of Anarchy Dogs.

Satire Not Satire

The top picture is from the Dave Chappelle show (which was hilarious). The bottom shot is a real screengrab from Fox News. Hilarious, and depressing.

Let's call it "The Onion-Poe Theorem": As time progresses, Fox News will grow increasingly indistinguishable from The Onion. When the two are 1=1, The Wingularity is upon us and there is no escape from certain DOOM.

A Polite Doom

Look how polite everyone was back in Olden Tymes! Also, I'm sure I've said this before, but I was a voracious reader of comic books as a lad, and I learned a ton of words from them - I'd go to the dictionary all the time as a ten year old. And so I say, parents! If your kid is reading comic books, be of good cheer, for they are reading. And reading is fundamental.

Also, just as a taste of how crazy we as a country got after 9/11, here's a panel showing Dr. Doom's response:

Sure, he's tried to take over the world multiple times and killed lots of innocents himself, but America got attacked that day! Even Super Villains cried.

Their bombs

Operation Sailor Hat was a military experiment to see the effects of 500 tons of explosives - without the now (1965) recognized issues of radiation. A wicked lot of TNT, stacked in cool domes. Like Brutalist igloos of DOOM.

For what purpose? Better means to wage war. For, as any Soviet would tell you, or anybody from Central and South America, or Asia, or the Middle East, the USA is always waging war, with their tanks and their bombs.

Enough! No more war and killing! Let us come together as Comrades!

Let us build groovy peace rockets and travel to the stars!

Let us live in peace and fraternity, and sorority! It will be groovy.

Also, too, here's what 500 tons of TNT exploding looks like:

 

 Awesome!

Screaming Trees

All things fade in time. You, me, Rome, Earth, the Sun, the Milky Way, the entire Universe, some trillion trillion years from now. Not my fault, nor my picture. Lovely though, is it not? The power of entropy?

An abandoned factory in Japan, nature reclaiming the space. As entropy is nature, all order will be deconstructed, torn down, eaten up, broken into pieces and spread all about. Entropy is the way of things. All our deeds are but acts holding back the tide, so ever briefly.

Our end is inevitable. The only true questions are when and how. Probably asteroid, sometime in the future. But there's so many other options! Nuclear bombs, earthquakes, global warming, solar radiation, magnetic shift, name your apocalypse, and you'll find the likelihood is not insignificant. Ignore the possibility we do at our own peril. Life is fragile, we exist on the surface of a reality of harshness. Prepare yeself, mortal!

Dog Mermaids

It's true - think about it. If a mermaid is top half human, bottom half fish, than a seal pretty much fits the definition of dog mermaid. I'm sure dogs have many myths related to the sexy sirens of the sea who bark out at them on the shore, luring them to their DOOM.

Also, Chris Columbus saw some mermaids on his illustrious voyage, but reported they weren't as pretty as he was taught. Consensus was he saw some manatees, and no one could say they are sexy in any way. Except maybe to other manatees.

Tunnel of DOOM

An ice tunnel under a glacier in Greenland. Beautiful, but it presages a looming disaster. These tunnels form from meltwater, and quite efficiently drain water from the glacier. This also causes the glacier to slide far faster than normal, sliding towards the sea. The disaster scenario is as such: When enough fresh water pours into the North Atlantic, it subsumes the Gulf Stream, breaking the current. This ocean current is a major contributor to the weather of the Northern Hemisphere. It's loss would cause worldwide weather to go crazy for many, many years. Ice ages, massive floods, crushing droughts, monster hurricanes, tidal waves, tornadoes everywhere. Many, many people will die.

This is a possibility. And yet we do little to prevent it, hostage as we all are to insane Republicans. Who worry not, as they'll no doubt blame Liberals when the shit hits the fan anyway.

DOOM.

The Eternal Flame

The Zoroastrians bequeathed us many gifts, and damnations. Good v. Evil the chief among them in all regards. Before Zoroaster, everything was a more mellow shade of grey.

Here it is - a fire that has burned for over 4K years. Think of it - well before Jesus, Confucius, Buddha and L. Ron Hubbard - men have maintained this flame in the name of a God.

Word - Spring Break at the Eternal Flame.

Trip your mind in the flickering flames, yo.

Thousands and thousands of years old. Think of it - before writing existed, this flame burned...

In a sweet piece of real estate, of course.

Mechanical Spider Cars of the South

Imagine, if you will, a reality where dinosaurs were not wiped out by a terrible asteroid, but instead continued to prosper and evolve. After millions of years, one species got real smart, real fast, and then turned this world  - and space itself! - into their Kingdom, and all other creatures mere subordinates. Continue imagining, if you're still willing, that at the heights of their glory and power they became arrogant and crass, stupid drunk on their power, and they wiped themselves out. Alas!

Here's some ruins from their glorious but now departed culture. They liked mechanical spiders, according to scholars.

Also too: Nice pine trees!

Wishes are hoarse

What we want and what we get are often far apart. Why? Many reasons, of course - like everything, since everything is connected to everything it gets complicated real quick - but perhaps prime among them are our delusions, about ourselves and our reality.

We might consider ourselves the wronged hero in a battle of epic proportions, when in fact we're just a shlub, making our way through this topsy turvey world one day at a time, like everyone else. So, here's a protip:  Scrutinize how much your beliefs are weighted by inner sanction, or actual, external fact. Challenge your own assumptions, about yourself. Science, in the personal.

Also:

Don't be crazy, in the "Sinners Gonna Burn in Hell" variety. There's better ways.

There's always better ways, and that is the path to our enlightenment.

Before it was cool

I saw this today on one of my sources and was all like "Damn, bee-yotch! No u di'nt!" Cuz I've had this picture for years and was waiting for the perfect time to use it. Which I had deemed today, for real. It was all set up. And then I see a mainstream comedy website use the photo, randomly, out of the blue - like everything in my life, down to the smallest detail. It's nuts, and it's driving me nuts, but I also dig if you don't dig it. The nuts part, that is.

Enjoy this photo though. 4, ultimately, that's all I hope to provide to you, great Internet: Good pictures and semi-funny captions.

The Cuteness and The Horror

Puppies gotta eat. Indeed, everything living has to eat, one way or another. It's one of the cruel truths of our reality: For all animals, to survive, to live, you must kill. Plants are much more hippy about it, living off the sun, water, and dirt.

And it is this reality - kill or die - which is the main agent of evolution. For, quite simply, those traits that add either to your success in killing or in processing the carcass increase your chances of living. And to live is to have the chance to reproduce, and reproduction IS the meaning of life. One way or another. That's the answer to the fabled question, by the way, and I answer it oh-so-offhandedly because it's rather obvious: The meaning of Life is to reproduce. And that's the subject of an infinite amount of stories.

So, in my roundabout way, I come to the subject of obesity. It does not exist in the wild, for no creature, except one, is successful enough to ward off the seasonal ebbs and flow of the food chain. Every animal out there, save one (and the ones he/she chooses to favor), is in a brutal competition for scarce resources and there simply is no means to get fat.

But then there's humans!

She's cute, if she lost like 200 or so pounds. Only human society of the modern era could create such a woman. Even 60-70 years ago, it would have been unheard of (or the result of an actual genetic condition) for someone to be this obese, except possibly for the very rich. But now it's almost commonplace. Even the animals we have domesticated can suffer from this miracle (in that it never occurs in nature) of obesity:

All due to our technology, which in that span of 60-70 years has become magical, and will only become more so. The wonders/horrors that await us are mindboggling. Prepare yourself for ever more extremes, for it is the inevitable result of overcoming nature's "kill or die" decree.

One Possible End

If a substantial solar flare (like the one pictured above) headed our way, woe be upon us. Our modern society of electronics would fry away in an instant, replaced by the jungle, red in tooth and claw. It's not only possible, but inevitable. The sun will burp out a heaping of space gas directly towards us one of these days - tomorrow, or a thousand years from now, who's to say? And when it comes, all our circuits will melt.

There are steps we could take to prepare, but given the state of the world today, preparation for future calamities ain't happening. Instead, just hope that you, yours, and theirs(children), and maybe even theirs(grandchildren) too, will see a sunny day, free of doomsday rays.

But don't bet on it.

If you only knew the Power

More lightning - a whole lot of lightning. Maybe some trick of the camera, but damn! Super charged.

Behold the Kull Volcano and know that thou art DOOMED.

Game Over Man (Ugly Kids)

The Flatface kids lose again at imitation brand Missile Command. I always found the game deeply disturbing, for, no matter how hard you tried, you inevitably lost, and your city was destroyed. Your pixelated families, dead. Your digital dog, vaporized. Everything, over. Game over, man. But in real life, you don't get to play another quarter. Man.

Hudson: That's it man, game over man, game over! What the fuck are we gonna do now? What are we gonna do?
Burke: Maybe we could build a fire, sing a couple of songs, huh? Why don't we try that? 

An apt summary of current events.