You wouldn't like me

You can see what would happen in a Grizzly v. Hulk fight.

Grizzly v. Gorilla is a better match - this weekend on pay-per-view, by the by. I've got 10,000 Reagans on the bear.

Our only hope

As I've said many times right here on this here blog, a large asteroid strike on Earth is inevitable, and when/if it hits, most life on Earth, including all human life, is done. It will be something like a 90-96% extinction rate of ALL life on the planet, including bugs and bacteria and slimy stuff swimming in the seas. Consider this danger deeply, for it's very real. Here's but a taste:

And these are just the ones very close, and none of them are very big, and we're missing many, many smaller ones - the 150 meter ones mentioned below, for example. Large enough to cause widespread chaos and death on Earth (though not an extinction event). Asteroids vary greatly in size:

Vesta is bigger than many moons of Jupiter and Saturn, but not the biggest asteroid (that's Ceres, where the Dawn spacecraft is heading as I type). However, asteroids the size of Steins and even smaller are our real threat. Look how tiny! But big enough to kill us all. All it would take is 5-10 mile wide asteroid to do us all in.

And what could we do about it today? Very little if on short notice. If with 20-30 years to prepare, we could probably save ourselves, starting from scratch. But why start from scratch THEN, when we all know the answer TODAY?!

Figuratively, of course. An armada of Asteroids fighters flying around space blasting rock is not very likely.

Sad, I know. Believe me! I'm the best Asteroids Ace you've ever seen. Go ahead and try your skills here.

But no, it won't be people in triangular spaceships that save us from the asteroids, but rather small robotic spacecraft that can attach to and then redirect these Earth impacting asteroids. Imagine 50 small bots flying to then landing on an asteroid on a direct impact course, each using its rocket to steer the asteroid in a different direction. It don't take much in space.

For your regular asteroids. If a Vesta like object were coming at us, better to move off planet. Here's a closeup from Dawn:

"The Snowman".

Once again, people of Earth! Rather than a'fuedin' and a'fightin' with each other, we should instead be building a space infrastructure that 1. Enriches all life on Earth, 2. Protects all life on Earth, and 3. Spreads life from Earth.

We're all Pro-Life, right? Let's get it together, humanity! As we're the only ones here who know better. We cannot count on the other monkeys.

Damn, Dirty

A rare, alternate angle to the simian sexy internet classic:

"Cold, dead hands", Zira was to remark later.

Also, maybe you're now wondering: Has a person ever had sex with a monkey? Then you sadly realize that yes, according to the law of "If you can think of having sex with something, it's probably already been done", then, of course. Probably all the time. 

Or, maybe you weren't. Sorry!

Knows no Genus

Love can't be denied, man. Randy and BIG ELLA were friends for 10 years till one night, a few too many drinks, a strange goodbye turns into a passionate kiss. It was a mistake, of course, since they worked together, but especially for Randy. Given the later mauling, you see.

Speaking of, I love stupid debates about stupid stuff - like could astronauts defeat cavemen, if set in similar circumstances (out in nature, to fend for themselves)? Anyways, could a man defeat a bear in a fight? Let's start with a super huge ninja versus a smallish Black Bear and work our way up. Barehanded, of course. Or, with a big knife?

Could a man fight a lion, and win? Maybe. Maybe the strongest man in the world.

 Ask the Great Google about "Egyptian Man fights Lion". Hilarity to ensue.

Could this Egyptian Hercules defeat a Gorilla as well? Would you fight a gorilla, even if given no choice (like going to die anyway)?

Umm, no? Curling up into a ball and preparing to die would be a perfectly honorable - and Logical - response. Animals are strong, and we're relatively weak.

One thing we, as a species, do excel at in the Animal Kingdom: Sweating. We cool our bodies better than any other large animal and thus are capable of long periods of physical endurance, i.e. long distance running. We can literally chase down wildebeast et al, since, eventually, they must stop to cool down. And we'll keep coming.

Oh yeah, also our awesomely dangerous brains.

Dem monkeys is smaht

Word from the frontiers of science:

According to a report in the journal Current Biology, the 31-year-old alpha male started building his weapons cache in the morning before the zoo opened, collecting rocks and knocking out disks from concrete boulders inside his enclosure. He waited until around midday before he unleashed a "hailstorm" of rocks against visitors, the study said.

"These observations convincingly show that our fellow apes do consider the future in a very complex way," said the author of the report, Lund University Ph.D. student Mathias Osvath. "It implies that they have a highly developed consciousness, including lifelike mental simulations of potential events.

This is but the penultimate step before we are forced into full scale war versus the Simians -- hear me now, Apes: We will not let you catch us unawares!

Of course, the last step is fire: If them monkeys ever start making and managing fires,we must engage in a preemptive War of Human Freedom against said monkeys. Don't wait until there is a mushroom cloud over every human city!