The Real Doll

So many bundles of joy.

The real doll, as per title. Harry Harlow fashioned controlled Hells for baby monkeys in order to study their reactions. It's true, read here.

I leave it to you, my modern reader, to judge the morality of Harlow's work.

My Dear Waifu

So, here we are: Waifus. I learned about them recently! They are the pillow wives of anime fans, from what I can gather. Go ahead and look it up, if you dare. There's whole sites, and words, and sadness. Look at these chaps, "coming out" with their waifus at school!

These people are "real", by the way, in that they feel - and express! - some sort of strange devotion to their pillow... girls. Wives. Whatever! At least the majority of these guys will not breed.

Or will they?!

All life is precious

Did you know both the Republican party and major religious groups did not care about abortion until the late 70's? Concurrent with the Presidency of Democrat, Jimmy Carter. And then one St. Ronaldus Maximus Reaganus used this issue as a wedge (among many) and won huge victories. And now we live in the heights of abortion as a political issue.

My stand on abortion: I wish no one had to have one, but if a woman chooses to, that's her right and she's got final say.

The Republican Party doesn't really care about abortions (they like them too, personally, for their daughters and mistresses), but boy do they love it as a political hand grenade.

Also, it's cool mammals look pretty identical at a certain stage of development. Proof of common descent - Oh! Evolution. Something else Republicans pretend to care about for political purposes.

Yay Bats!

Look at the development of a cute bat embryo! Or also, Bat See No Evil...

Aww! There are certain bats called "Flying Foxes". See why? And everyone loves foxes, right? Except chicken owners. But who loves chicken owners? No one, not really. They may love the eggs, but not the chickens.

You know who else loved dogs?

Hitler, that's who. How do you feel now, dog owner, to know that Hitler also loved dogs? And wicked cool mustachios?

And going for walks. Do you like going for walks? Monster.

Behold the Hitler baby!  You were a baby once, too, like Hitler.

FOR SHAME!

In an other world

Once upon a time there was a strange place named Rhodesia, and they had a fabulous army.

Which was used of course to suppress the majority black population from thoughts of self rule. Brutally, as such things go, even with such slick 70's fashions and hairstyles.

Also too:

Apparently, babies with guns/grenades/etc is a thing on the Internet. Don't look it up unless you want to be further appalled by humanity.

A new normal

In what part of America would you feel safer by bringing a gun with you and your newborn baby?

What business owner would encourage armed customers to his store - giving them a discount for being armed?

In what mind would you not only attend a pro-gun rally, but make a sign proclaiming "Gun Free Zones Kill"?

The answer to all these questions, and many more, is insanity. A large percentage of Americans have gone insane. And they're heavily armed, and increasingly delusional. A fun recipe for fun! Don't worry though, their gun owning fetish is for white folks only.

Armed Palestinian baby ain't cool! In fact, it's TERROR.

Not an Obama Photobomb

No, it's a real photo with funny internet text typed over upon. Such is the Internet's fancy, for now. However, I'd point out this is a real kid with a real President and that has to be kinda awesome, though the kid probably doesn't know except for all the lights and commotion. Kids rule.

Gifts for the Gastro Nerd

Nerds love pizza - it's a scientific fact. And what better way to cut a pie than with the USS Enterprise? Beautiful and functional!

Studies have shown using the USS Enterprise baby spoon increases feeding efficiency by 57%, which makes it the only logical gift! The bib is made of futuristic teFlonia Repell_All, and features a sweet drawing of a Klingon ship approaching a Federation space station. Exciting! And awesome.

What Hipster nerd wouldn't want to "cook like Neelix"? Imagine the stories you'll have gathering the different ingredients?! Kazlockian Rock Larvae from the Planet V'Argas 6? Can you out spacespice your friends? Buy now, and find out!

Teach them well

Might as well have a beer too. What's the diff? Little juggalo got to learn how to party early, you know?

Another juggalo Mom. Don't know what a juggalo is? GO NO FURTHER! Ask no more questions! Ignorance is bliss.

Like, better to know this never happened, right? And yet here we are. SPRING BREAK!!!! Not juggalos, as far as I can tell - I'm not an expert though. They have to be Americans, however - who else drinks Bud?

British Pub baby only drinks Bass.

Tips for Good Parenting

I'm surprised any baby survived the 1950's. Advice like "Eat Uranium!" and "Play with Tacks!" seems foolish nowadays. But who would dare question the Soda Pop Board of America back then?

Or the good folks at Marlboro. Surely a non-over-smoked Mom is a more loving Mom, better able to go about her tasks in the kitchen and elsewhere around the ranch house.

Mom of the year!

Plastic Bag Delivery

The baby is already dead, sadly. Way to go, stork! You didn't know plastic is a barrier to breathing? After how many years on the job? Alas.

Otherwise, cellophane is pretty magical shit. Just not for delivering babies.

I'm gonna eat you!

Back from the store with the ingredients specified in the recipe: One fresh baby.

Simmer for 37 minutes.

Then into the oven to bake for 53 minutes at 376 degrees F.

Serve in burrito form or

As a taco. A delicious baby taco.


But seriously, this a is a joke! Don't eat babies. They're our future - and so dang cute!

Party on

Party on, baby Garth! Party on, baby Wayne!

I remember enjoying "Wayne's World" immensely when it came out - funny stuff! I watched it recently and barely chuckled. Am I broken, or was the movie not very funny, past its time?

Party on, baby Kim Jong-il! May your son find temptation in western ways!

Have you seen "Team America:World Police"? If not, you should. Puppets! It's also hilarious, though I suppose I should guard that assessment, as it's been many years since I've seen it. Perhaps it, too, is no longer funny. Being old now and all.

Party on, baby redshirt. Though really that's a Captain Picard shirt, IE you're Captain, baby. Get a hold of yourself and get to the Bridge!

You see, TNG messed with the colors, making the Redshirts untouchable command types, rather than sacrificial Federation fodder. Roddenberry be praised!

I learned it from watching you!

There's only one place a kid this age learns to smoke. Mom and Dad. Though I suppose if you don't think smoking is bad, then who cares? But who thinks that? 1/4th of the world?

Raised in war, war is your teacher. Your Father and Uncles fighting, and dying. Blood on the streets. No power, no water, the burning Summer heat. What's a kid to think? That's the way it is, and shall forever be.

Also too, spare some change?

President Baby

President Baby thinks your work needs improvement. Could you be giving more effort and attention? Also, a diaper change would be grand.

Ditto. Also, pardon me!

You know it's Love when

You're willing to take the shirt off your pregnant belly for an Olan Mills soft focus shot. That's commitment, man. True Love, and I'm sure everything worked out great for these kids, and their new kid.

Floating Boats

The (in)famous pregnant man. I say go for it Brother - I am firmly in the "Float Your Boat" school, as long as your boat isn't bombing someone else's. It is 2011 for crying out loud (COL)!