The Long Con

Heed my warning, and heed it well: The Con is spreading. ComicCon, where people dress up like comic characters. It's spreading more and more into the real world and I bet soon enough you will see a Stormtrooper or Boba Fett or a Wookie family celebrating Life Day.

Happy Life Day!

Beware!

Happy Tree Paints

Yes, in this alternate Universe - one of many - Happy Tree paints Bob Ross, soothingly.

Reverse Racism

Oh yeah! We're goin' to the zoo! That's right! Gonna see a lion! Oh yeah! We're goin' to the zoo! That's right! Gonna see a cheetah!

Oh, sorry white people! Negroes only at this zoo. Find another.

LOL white people.

But seriously, if you just HAD to racial profile, then white people are your primary group to watch, white males specifically. Who else has caused and is causing more death and destruction, more suffering world wide than white males? No one, that's who. Hitler. Stalin. Lenin. Marx. Ayers. Vikings. All white guys.

Not that I'm condoning racial profiling (I'm not!), just asking questions, ya know?

Choose your own Metaphor

1. Post Communism Russia, devolved to Gangsters and intimidation?
2. Pre Communism Russia, land of Dostoevsky and serfs?
3. The modern world with its modern problems?
4. The Internet?
5. Shake to choose again?

Walking my fish

What? Ain't you never seen no one walking his fish? What?! You think fish don't like to check out the neighborhood?! Mind your own business, pal.

Also, from the "Phrases that sound dirty, but are really not, but maybe should be" file.

Dali Dada till Death

Dali was Dada as Hell. As well he should have been: Dada 4Lyfe.

Bumper Sticker Bon Mots

I do. Do you? You should. It's healthy and natural! And organic. Low calorie also too.

Print it out on a sticker and adhere it to your car and/or truck and/or scooter and/or other vehicle of your choice - like a Segway maybe? That's what you can do in these miracle times - technology. It's awesome.

Geese gonna honk y'all.

Taasty Braains

Mmm, brains. So sweet and tasty. For a zombie, of course, but how 'bout for you? Ever eat brain? Some folks have, all fancy like no doubt, and in the past (way back) most folk did, I reckon - would you pass up any food in 26,000 BCE?

This is a thing, by the by - brain cupcakes. Ask the Great GIS, you'll see. And I marvel at it, as I do all things ridiculous and over the top and just plain wacky, for it is in our creative frivolity when we are most human, aye, when in fact we define humanity par excellence. For it is in luxury, splendor, absurdity that humanity is defined apart from all other life, cuz seriously, what other form of life could even conceive of brain cupcakes?

So I see it too with vegetarianism, also by the way. It's a luxury, a decadence for a scavenger species. We are so well off as a species that I, vegetarian, can forsake biology and evolution and forge a new path, one arguably more healthy and beneficial to the Earth as a whole, but still, a luxury. For when that asteroid hits and sends our planet into decades of darkness, I would not refuse a bite of jerky or hard tack, or even fresh brain. Calories would be all that matters, then. Now? Choice.

And it is in the choosing we are human - in the luxury of choice.

Don't make it weird

Did you know that ducks are the hardcore rapists of the animal world? S'true, look it up.

Also, whoever made this flyer in irony is genius; whoever made it in sincerity is scarily dim.

Circles within Circles

Great idea. Gumball machines of yore are boring. I need some drama, some excitement when I'm getting some gum - throw in some super bouncing balls! Why the heck not?! I'd add marbles too for sure fire thrills.


Also too - I'd posit the circle (or sphere) is the fundamental shape of existence. Everything is built of circles - quarks to nuclei to atoms to molecules to cells to eggs, to moons and planets and swirling galaxies and great clusters of galaxies, everything spins and the sphere is the shape it ultimately takes. So hail, great Circle! Creator of all!

Wheels keep on turnin'

The wheels of war will keep on turning as long as men seeking power convince many others to fight the many others of another man seeking power. The few dictate the suffering of many.

But also too, I keep linking one picture to the previous, and if you extrapolate back, that's an uninterrupted connection going back years now of one picture/post linking to the previous which linked to the previous and so on. Years. It's one long story of pointless absurdity, and therein I find my liking. A ridiculous wheel of lulz.

I'm gonna keep it spinnin'. Yay!

I haz

This whole LOL-Cats is kinda out of control - did you know there's a bible translation? LOLBible.

Here's a blank for your own edification.

I love it, actually, and also too for reals.

Teach a man to lift

Jesus was a 98 pound weakling who often, and for little reason, got sand kicked in his face by beach bullies. But then Jesus discovered the Teachings of Charles Atlas and became righteously ripped.

The Gym is the Temple.

In this reality, Jesus was not Resurrected, since he didn't die on the cross but rather used its broken shards to kick Roman ass.

Also:

I don't know what's going on here. I almost hope it's Photoshop. Or some illusion - maybe the other weightlifters are dwarves. That dude is BIG. Comically so. Imagine him running!

LOL Jesus

See, there's this thing on the Intertubes called LOL Jesus - go ahead, look it up. You'll see photos like these:

It's absurdist humor, like much on the web. Which suits me fine, as I savor the absurd like a hot cup of soy.

Quite the shark. They called him The Nazareth Natural, back in the day.

Jesus had a wicked wrist shot.

This trick works really well, especially if you're subtle about it, unlike Jesus here. Start making small talk with the cashier or whomever before money is exchanged, so that by the time it comes out you can introduce a few numbers into your smalltalk - three towns over there were these four guys who tied two trailers together using a role of rubber. For example.

Bonus non LOL Jesus pic:

JESUS SMASH!

Luxuries in Deserts

This is real, or at least was once - look it up: Prada in the desert. It's absurd, and thus entertaining. I might stop in if I ever happen to be driving in the middle of Bumpkis Texas.

It's true what they say about Starbucks - they are a virus and will not stop till every store on this world and others is a Starbucks. Maybe even your house. Anyways, this is an actual NASA picture, done for the LULZ. I wonder if Starbuck's Lawyers laughed? They so rarely laugh...

Kudos to NASA by the way for one thing - they actually produce all kinds of intentionally funny and/or cool material. To think! Check it:

It's like a movie poster, eh?

You Blink, You Lose

FSM bless whomever had the pluck to get this tire cover for their jeep. Wonderful! Or, perhaps Mrs. Chiggers demanded it - she looks rather demanding. Don't look to long!

We need more absurd humor in this world. Once you "get" absurdity, you can apply that lesson to everything, and thus, lighten the load a bit.

But then, there's good absurd and bad absurd. Boston traffic jams? Bad absurd. Perhaps my least favorite thing, like, in life. Top 5 at least. Who likes traffic jams? I'd like to meet that person(s), since they must be insane, and should be studied for science.

But maybe this traffic jam would have been a little better with Mrs. Chiggers staring you on. Or, maybe eventually, worse?

Also too, The Staring Game is awesome. Next time you play it, imagine you're looking into the other person's brain. It will freak them out, and you'll win. Also, moisten your eyes surreptitiously before beginning.

A Different Future

But if one cartoon butterfly flaps her wings over a storybook licorice meadow, presto whammo! Anime future, where we humans evolve into characters from a Pokemon card deck, or some such - I don't know. I'm too old for these games, these new memes (just new spins on the same old same old, as all things are). I know the young folks like 'em, and so here's to you, distracted youth of the future!

Or:

Goth kids go and ruin everything. Truly - click for big on this pic and behold the horrors. I wish I could attribute it properly to the artist, but alas, no idea. And really, even if I remembered the "person" who created it, would attributing it to "BlackAngle11" or whatever silly internet "handle" you want to make up on some Internet discussion board really mean anything anyways? The future is anonymous and absurd.

Genetic Memories of Manhood Lost

I've always been puzzled by deer heads hung on a wall, or any other animal. As a child, they were terrifying. As a teenager they were a joke. As an adult (ha!) I realize they are a symbol, a connection to a forgotten past, but a past in which our species spent by far the most time: Hunting and gathering. Where a man was a man and it was eat or be eaten.

Cultural context adds to it - the hunting lodge, the camp, the sanctuary of men, away from women and their womanly concerns. The giant moose head hung by the roaring fireplace signifies your prowess as a hunter, or here, as someone rich enough to have a camp with a big fireplace and a giant moose head. Impress the other males, signify your position in the tribe. Yadda yadda.

It made sense for a dude circa 12000BCE; for a lawyer in 2011 from NYC at his retreat in the country? Symbolic to the core, but isn't that pretty much any of us have nowadays? Symbols? As none of us - or an exceptionally small percentage - do anything to actually deliver food, shelter, defense, etc, i.e. those things that once defined every man, woman and child. But for us, we 21st century foxes, nothing is real, all is abstract, and dare I say, absurd.

This picture, yeah?

Everything's ironic

I hope whomever crafted these sad little clown cactus holders was intentional - otherwise? Idiot? Most naive person in existence? Sexless alien from N'argua'allaX 7? Church lady in a bubble? 


And who would put one of these in their homes? Unironically, of course. 


Ironically? Anything's possible.


Also, too: Can you overuse a question mark, really? Isn't it the sign of a good conversationalist to ask questions? Isn't it fun to end statements with an uplifted, French-like "yes"? Or "no?", or "Is it not so?" Well, huh?

Some say in ice

Our brains are hard wired to see patterns, shapes, faces. What did you see here, the first time you looked at it?

How about here?

But then sometimes our brains, via our eyes, are presented with something that makes no sense, too abstract, too absurd, and it bypasses that identification channel:

And the absurd is a liberation.  Or a fortress, of solitude (yes, the google's source for Superman puns!).

Or a theory turned into visual metaphor:

This is Freudian, literally, to the Extreme. Not sure if it's correct, or even close to correct. Yet, there's something here that makes sense to me - do you have another voice in your head? One which often says things like "I'm not sure that's a good idea", or "Maybe we should sleep for a couple of hours before driving" or "Maybe you shouldn't eat that piece of cheese on the floor". Etc. I believe - hope! - we all do, and if so, I ask you: What is that voice? Or who?

Are we all schizophrenics? Or, is the idea of different personalities, different perspectives within the same "individual", the truth? Or a closer approximation thereof.