Technological Terror

Don't forget! Disney bought Star Wars, and thus there is soon to be a new movie. And why not? Star Wars is still hugely popular, and any new film guaranteed to print money. But will it be good?

Being a nerd from the Internet, I don't think it will be. That it can be. Because the first 6 movies are really the story of a Sith Lord named Sidious, or you might know him as The Emperor. While the Skywalker family is the focus of the movies, it is the man also known as Palpatine that is the driving force behind all the movies, and everything happens because of him. Like Sauron, who is "The Lord of The Rings", all action in the story of Star Wars is in response to something Palpatine does, or has caused to happen. But now, technically, he's dead, and the new movie cannot (or should not!) feature him.

And thus, the odds of VII being a good Star Wars movie is small, since the main agent of the movies is gone. Bring back Luke, and Leia, and Han, and it doesn't really matter. There's no villain Disney can come up with better than Darth Sidious.

One of the best villains in fiction. Why? Lots of reasons, but not least of which he does many of his evil deeds posing as a respectable Senator,

 and then later Supreme Chancellor.

He's only mentioned in A New Hope. He appears as a hologram, once, in The Empire Strikes Back. He's a key piece of the conclusion in Return of the Jedi. He's the star of the Prequels. Let's take a moment to appreciate this aspect of the Prequels, even if you don't like them overall. Good villains are a treasure of mythology.

Remember! Vader - the Chosen One - is only a lackey to Darth Sidious. So, three cheers for the true Dark Lord of The Sith! Let us lament his fictional passing.

Vader's Mother

Anakin's mother claimed to be a virgin. We'll never know for sure, just like with Mary, but why not, let's roll with it. Their sons are the Chosen Ones. Born to bring balance to the Force, whatever that means - what would "balance" mean, exactly? The Jedi never seem to ask.

A confession, maybe I've made it before, but who remembers? Not me. Anyways: I like Star Wars way more these days than Star Trek. For me, Trek died back in the 2000-2003 range, with terrible movies and ever worsening TV shows.

Star Wars certainly did not garner critical acclaim with its latest trilogy - the Prequel Trilogy (PT). But I loved it. I really do, so much I just read all the books, and then some other, related books. Reading Star Wars novels - a sure sign of a NERD.

But that's ok. I really enjoyed them, and aren't we here for joy? So to you, Internet, I proclaim loudly: I am a Jedi, unlike my Father before me!

Fun tease: Anakin has no Father, the Clone Troopers, who in the OT become the Storm Troopers, have no Mother. Deep stuff, man.

Happy Tree Paints

Yes, in this alternate Universe - one of many - Happy Tree paints Bob Ross, soothingly.

It all ends up in the ocean

Remember to cut up your little six pack rings, to save the turtles and the fish, the Hoff and Aquaman. Everything ends up in the ocean eventually, and don't you think we've trashed it enough?

Also, art!

Lesser Heroes

Poor Aquaman. Never gets any respect. But I tell you what: Bring your attitude out into the ocean and then talk some smack. You'll be hanging with Davy Jones before you can say "Hey Hey!".

Superdick

Sure, Superman. Ruin the Moon for all of time just to get your "Goodbye Cruel World" message out there. Dick.

Hey! Gotta couple of hours to waste? Check out Superdickery, the Internet's source for evidence that yes indeed, Superman is just a giant dick.

World's Finest

I just got the leaked script to 2015's "Superman and Batman". Apparently, the two will team up (with Robin) to stop some kids from illegally swimming.

Should be awesome.

A great disturbance in the Internet

You may have felt strange the other day, for reasons you couldn't explain. Let me: Ben Affleck was named as the new Batman, and nerds across the Internet screamed out in nerdy rage. It was epic, and one of the things I love best about the Internet - nerd panic.

But fret not, fellow nerds. Ben will be fine. Look at this history of Batman for proof:

As always, click for big. Pretty cool - Batman is by now an iconic hero in just about worldwide mythology. I'm a bit disappointed the 1940's TV movie shorts were not included, but alas. Check out the history of the Bat logos in more detail:

Modern mythology is wicked awesome, and if you've avoided it in the past, due to the nerd association, I would advise you to let go your embarassment, your pride, and dive in to the world of comics - the modern hero mythology of the 20th century, and going strong in the 21st.

As for Ben, he'll do fine. I worry about the overall focus of the movie (Superman and Batman) far more. I really enjoyed the new Superman movie and am disappointed it's not getting its own sequel, rather than sharing one with not just Batman, but a new Batman. Don't blame Ben. Blame D.C..

In the meantime, imagine the Batman of your dreams and how Affleck will ruin it for you.

May the Internet be with you.

BATGRU

For real - this is in the lobby of the Russian GRU. Kinda their NSA/CIA/MI/Unnamed spook agency/other agency of the global war machine. Batman's logo. Intentional? Unintentional? Ironic? Means something else? Who knows - Google it yourself! What do I look like, your Google servant? Having a Google servant would be pretty sweet, though, I admit.

Also, sick segue, right? You know where this is going.

MOTHER!

Another incredible pic from our old friend Prokudin. Russia, 1900 or so - a whole different world. Think of the history of Russia from then, to now.

John Kerry is in you, Kremlin! And, of yeah, so too is shit like this:

Trotskyist Disco Demon Jews, bent on selling you out to the Chinese.

Watch out!

Rodina Beckons

Rodina, meaning "Motherland", and this giant statue  is calling out. To you? To Europe? To the world? That's for you to decide. I note, she's got a sword.

Dedicated in 1967, it commemorates the Russian victory in the Battle of Stalingrad. War and God generate most of the biggest statues, of course.

Sadly, Rodina here is starting to lean due to changes in groundwater, and there's not much more till there's a collapse. Work is underway to mitigate this from happening, but the risk is there, and would be a symbolic tragedy were this large piece of art to come crashing back to Earth.

Teach are children

Hey, consider this: A kid born in say, Germany, doesn't really ever have to worry about the cost of school, or the cost of healthcare after school.

US children, on the other hand, can easily walk out of school massively indebted, and if they are unlucky enough to get sick, that could be it - the end of any hope of financial stability.

But we got a kick ass military, man.

CHILDREN, HEAH!

"CHILDREN for sale! Get your fresh CHILDREN, HEAH!"

"Hey! Dude! 4 CHILDREN UP HEAH!"

"4 CHILDREN coming up!"

"42.50 buddy!"

Let's Play FIRING SQUAD!

Playing "Firing Squad!" used to be all the rage with the kids, until the PC police got involved and made everyone feel bad and stop and play with dolls and "learn" instead.

Thanks, Libtards.

Fun for the whole family

Relive the excitement of the Spanish American War with this classic board game, guaranteed to entertain Mom and Dad and the kids! Like "Chutes and Ladders", but with more pork wrapped corpses. Buy now!

Good for

War is good for lots of things, actually. Profits - as long as not too much gets destroyed. Propaganda. Keeping the poors further in their place. Your election chances, if your war is going well. And if it's not going well? Send some more boys into the meat grinder! Why not? Ain't you or yours, and "surges" are good for your poll numbers.

Where else can you get so many medals and pins? If you're lucky - but hey! Someone's got to be lucky. Could be you or me! Roll the dice and storm that building. You could be a war hero!

The donkey didn't get a choice. But then, no animal does, when a war's on. Except the rich ones.

How Manly, the Warrior

War is politics by different means, and politics is the pursuit of power, and power is sex, and boy, are these warriors manly! Look at how The Leader displays a terrified tiger kitten as an example of his sexual prowess!

Pop quiz: Upon initial glance at this photo, do you have more sympathy for the tiger kitten, or the people these masked hunks have no doubt killed?

Ain't no party like a Chechen warlord party. Woop-woop.

on Fox, on Lion

I am unhappy to report that Fox! has caused me to lower my opinion on foxes - both silver and red. It's not fair, but there you are. So, let us talk of lions. Fake lions:

A Tibetan Mastiff posing as a lion in a Chinese zoo. Real thing. Look it up. Here he is all properly brushed:

There's a resemblance! Speaking of resemblance, behold the first stuffed lion:

The Royal Taxidermist had never seen a live lion, so here you go. But now we are all the better for it, simply for jokes like this:

But alas, bad taxidermy has continued to this day.

And where two badly stuffed lions are feeding, others will gather. Run, little bunny!

Too late. :(

Stuffed

Last moments, recapped by some nosy Nat Geo dude with a big lens. Thanks for helping, dude!

 Hi! I'm a dead, stuffed fox. Now. I like to sit in chairs.

Even chairs on a bus.

Shoulders can be like chairs, right?

Chaos is hip for the childless

Sure, when you're 27, chaos might seem pretty cool. Nihilism might be awesome at 25. Anarchy is your goal at 21. But, I observe in my gathering dotage, once you have children, these and similar philosophies lose all appeal. I mean, who wants their child to grow up in a Dystopian Thunderdome? Libertarians, maybe. Though I doubt that too.

Also, what the hell is a fox? Dog? Cat? Dogcat? Also too, in New Gondolin news, I had found a rabbit friend who would come up to me in the woods and watch what I was doing. I'd talk to her - "Hi, Mrs. Rabbit. How's life? How are the kids? Hope you're eating well - the grass looks tasty." Etc. She wasn't much of a conversationalist, but she'd twitch her nose and listen. Great listener. Anyways, the other day I came upon an odd looking scat on a trail the rabbit frequently frequented, and consulting my "Big Book o' Scat", I narrowed it down to some type of fox. And I've not seen Mrs. Rabbit since - 6 days! I fear the worst, and I doubt my reward for information will bring any clarity onto this distressing situation.

If you were taken, Mrs. Rabbit, well, I hope your calories help the fox's kids. Cycle of life and all that. RIP.

Cost of War

Thousand yard stare right there. Over cupcakes! But who knows what will trigger flashbacks to times where you lived in Hell. And war is hell, of course. One we made for ourselves, and continue to perfect.

Win all the battles you want, you'll still lose the war. The only way to win is not to play.

Dogs in socks and fridges

Fridge Dog is unaligned with Fridge Cat, which is a shame, for if they got together, no one could stop them. Also, Fridge Dog lives in a much healthier fridge, which might be the reason for the nonalignment.

Also, dogs hate socks. So do cats. No animal can handle socks, except for people. Proving our superiority, clearly.

Finally, "Refrigerator" is a terrible word. Too long, hard to spell, and the "Re-" is totally unnecessary. The word "Fridge" should be the official term.

Man's Best Friend (for now)

Sure, your dog is your best pal, loyal and true. Waits for you at the door with unconditional love.

It's a sham. They're just biding their time. The first moment of weakness, and bam! Stealing your sled.

Products of training

A Kenellos one shot, but stirring in its frozen action.

Not all dogs fight the power, but many represent the power. Training, you see.

We do what we're trained to do.

What's your training? And not your schooling or degree or certification, but rather, how you were raised. Loved? In a safe, educational, healthy environment? Beaten? Moved from shelter to shelter? Cursed? Praised? The training we all undergo shapes us to this day. You can de-train, but first you must become aware.

Open your eyes! We are all but dogs getting taught lessons for kibble, and avoiding beatings.