Redshirt's Lament 1999th Post Gif Spectacular!

Gosh.

1,999 posts. Where has the time gone? So many laughs, and so many gifs. Here's a bunch!

Upper body strength is a must!

See?

Although a gun compensates for upper body strength nicely.

Like maybe a fake beard could too, if you were Riker or Evil Riker.

Regardless, the lesson of the last 6 freaking years is this:

But isn't that always the lesson?

Weed Trek

That's what Spock was doing when he was staring into his science station blue scope.

And if you get the space munchies

Space burrito.

4 Lights!

I apologize for the last post. Let's forget it ever happened.

Oh, and Happy Belated Captain Picard Day!

Make it so, yo.

May the Fourth be with you

As a sign of nerds ever increasing power in society, we now have the mainstream acknowledgment of May 4th as "Star Wars Day", due to the pun "May the 4th be with you". Haha, right?

So, add it to your calendars, folks. Picard Day is coming up in June, and Sagan Day is in November.

Any other nerd days of note? I'm sure I'm missing some.

Blue Screens

Even the Enterprise had a memory dump now and then. Speaking of, RIP, Tasha Yar.

You left the cast too soon.

Shields at 33%

There's also small boulders in the exploding consoles.

Dance now, for tomorrow you die

Neelix knew what was what. You could shake off this mortal coil in just a few moments, so dance while you can. Laugh while you can. Appreciate classic 90's sci-fi, if you can.

In the event of brain worms

Phase yourself, bro. Better this death than becoming a mindless zombie at the mercy of malicious brain worms.

Not logical

As Data's emotion chip continued to degrade, he took up risky behaviors in the desperate search for more intense emotions.

Rule 34 2013

Hello, Internet. I am one of your many Kings, and I greet you both as Ruler and Servant. For today's lesson, let's consider Rule 34, which states: If it exists, there is porn of it.

Above is Admiral Janeway from Star Trek: Voyager. A Simpson's joke, but it's no joke. Of course there is Janeway porn.

Click below for a wicked tease of Rule 34!

Vader's Mother

Anakin's mother claimed to be a virgin. We'll never know for sure, just like with Mary, but why not, let's roll with it. Their sons are the Chosen Ones. Born to bring balance to the Force, whatever that means - what would "balance" mean, exactly? The Jedi never seem to ask.

A confession, maybe I've made it before, but who remembers? Not me. Anyways: I like Star Wars way more these days than Star Trek. For me, Trek died back in the 2000-2003 range, with terrible movies and ever worsening TV shows.

Star Wars certainly did not garner critical acclaim with its latest trilogy - the Prequel Trilogy (PT). But I loved it. I really do, so much I just read all the books, and then some other, related books. Reading Star Wars novels - a sure sign of a NERD.

But that's ok. I really enjoyed them, and aren't we here for joy? So to you, Internet, I proclaim loudly: I am a Jedi, unlike my Father before me!

Fun tease: Anakin has no Father, the Clone Troopers, who in the OT become the Storm Troopers, have no Mother. Deep stuff, man.

Live Long and Prosper 2: Happiness

Posted before, but I'm posting again, due to the awesomeness.

Happiness must be a factor in considering whether a life is successful. For, what is freedom, what is peace, without happiness?

Get Happy:

Don't chew pencils!

Lead free.

Even the Romneys can't resist President Obama.

All the kids.

And all the windows, and all the doors flung wide open.

Progress.

To Date

 As always, click for big. This is, in the new, hip style, an infographic of every mission beyond Earth. You can see where we (humanity, meaning mostly the USA, USSR, and the EU) have collectively put our priorities, to date. My big takeaway is look how few missions to Saturn there have been, and yet one of them - Cassini - is incredible beyond belief. And still going!

Fret plenty, however, since as Russia has taken a nosedive, and America's looking to do the same, who knows how many future missions to space at all lie in our collective future. I fear perhaps we are on the edge of a rollback of human progress. Maybe China will save us all. Maybe not.

But, let us not worry about that now. Instead, behold, every single human rocket:

While impressive, collectively and each in their own way (think of the effort that went into every one), it's also mildly depressing. It takes so much effort to simply go the 60 or so miles (straight up) to get to the very edge of space. Alas! Such is the reality of living at the bottom of a gravity well.

And perhaps there's more hope for our future than I admit, at the moment. Private enterprise is blazing paths governments feared to tread. If the profit is there, and our infrastructure on Earth stays relatively stable, we might still have our space mining, asteroid living future. But then, it will be profit driven, and no doubt that asteroid will be owned by Yoyodyne or some such, and all the folks involved will be playing according to their dime. Which can be summarized in the Ferengi Rules of Acquisition, and not in any kind of Utopian Trek "What's money, man?" Directive. And so we'll simply export our Dystopia to space.

Alas!

Space Ship Time Schedule

Alas, Jeremy A. Shapiro, I doubt your reservation to any of these destinations will be met within your lifetime. What once seemed an inevitable conquest of the solar system has turned into a silent program of satellite launches. Nixon has a large part to play in this shame, for shame, yet again, Tricky Dick. You ruined so much.

Click for big of course - as with all photos here at Redshirt's Lament. Supposedly these are all the ships of Sci Fi as of 2003, to scale. A nerd's delight.

Sci Fi has kept our dreams alive - I mean this literally, as in our genes want to leave this planet, must leave this planet if they are to live forever. We will be driven to do so if we have the technology to make it possible, eventually. Sci Fi movies and shows keep this reminder in the public mind, regardless of actual progress.

Soviet Strong

A few things: As long as there is scarcity of resources, Communism cannot work in the large scale. If there were no scarcity of resources (AKA Star Trek's "replicator" which takes elements then fabricates items on command - take heed of the development of the 3d printer. It's the beginning of the replicator), then pure Communism is a must. Everyone's equal in the scheme of things, there's no money, everyone's happy and their children are nurtured and healthy, education for all, entertainment for all, science for all: The Soviet future, one in which every single person is a sovietnik. Look it up. And enjoy these pictures.

I've got a ton of Soviet propaganda art on the old HD "Cloud" because I find it stunningly beautiful. The style of it. Gorgeous and inspiring and awesome now that the USSR is no longer an immanent threat to end the world.

This might be one of Galactus's heralds. Make no mistake: It was the Cold War that created NASA and got man on the moon in ten freaking years  - which is simply incredible. A staggering accomplishment that shall echo in history for as long as we have it. Since the fall of the USSR records reveal what many suspected of the Soviet space program: more duct tape and spit than fearsome space conqueroring machine. They had some smart folks (also some NAZI's just like the USA) and the power of the state behind them, and the Soviet space program accomplished great things - first satellite in space; first animal in space; first man in space; first woman in space. Remarkable stuff, but as soon as NASA was funded and the space race began in earnest, the Soviets could not keep up. Not enough bucks, you see. The crippling affects of the past 30 years had caught up to them. And so it was the space race that truly began the fall of the USSR and its empire. Yay, space! Because in truth the USSR was mostly awful, though with many positives. But still mostly awful and worth fighting. Yay, also, America!

Also too:

At last! It's time someone actually took the fight to the KKK and any other race based hate organization. In a tolerant society you've got to tolerate almost everyone, be they religious, atheist, man, woman, black, red, yellow, white, gay, straight, lame, hipster, uptight, etc. But the one person we as a society cannot tolerate is the intolerant. Those who would seek to limit the rights of others, for whatever reason. They are the enemies of tolerance and must be opposed wherever they rear their hoary heads, for they are poison upon the body Tolerance and if given enough sway can end it. So, tolerance for all! Except for the intolerant, who must be opposed vociferously and actively.

Ergo, go Black Panther! Fuck the CSA.

NEEERRRRDDDSSS!!!

And so, lo! As prophesied in the thoughtful teen comedy "Revenge of the Nerds", the nerds have had their revenge.

Money was all it took. A few million and whammo! Even the geekiest nerd is swimming in babes. And as stated many times before, it's always about the babes. Facebook creator Mark Zuckerberg, has fluctuated from 21.2 BILLION dollars to today's 4.5 BILLION. Tough losses, but still enough money to buy all your bases and then some. Meh on the babe part though - hope he's got a good pre-nup.

Anywho, money. It's the lingua franca of power in today's age of police states (meaning, the police will arrest you if you kill someone - probably!). Many, many years ago, there was no police, and the means of power were physical - kill or be killed. Kill to eat, or die. Fists, rocks, fire hardened wooden spears, the list goes on. But for the majority of our existence, power was a direct, literal thing. You had it, or you didn't, and if you didn't you could die at any time. Now though, we live in far more abstract reality. Sure, war is the expression of physical power, but it's scaled way up, a different beast entirely. Money is by far the more persuasive and omnipresent tool for the expression of power. Keeps your hands soft.

Which leads to, of course, the Rise of the Nerds. Money brings power, power brings the babes, babes lead to success over generations. And so we go from this

Sincere, and probably scorned. To

Ironic, and the toast of the Internet. Get him a million bucks and he'll have a 6 foot Finnish model girlfriend.

You'll note the key here is getting a million or more dollars. Otherwise, nerd, you're on your own, and that rarely works out.

However, if for some strange and weird reason you're NOT in it for the money, then, we could all do worse than follow these wise words

Give not a fuck except for the truth and the well being of not just all humanity, but all life, yay, all of existence. Did ya know Mr. Sagan was a regular user of marijuana? It's true. Also, he commanded the awesome powers of the turtleneck like no other, before or after. Proof in a museum

Kinda looks like Starfleet uniforms circa TNG, yes? Sagan was a visionary.

Every Day is Captain Picard Day

You'll recall one of the few episodes of TNG that followed up on a previous episode. Picard chilling at the family vineyards after Borgification and then de-Borgification. Which should have put Jean-Luc on the sidelines/prison, instead of commanding.

Patrick Stewart with the Eternal Olympic Flame. Except it's not that eternal, not compared to the Zoroastrians. They've kept a fire going for some 4K years now, which is Hella cool.

Trek Robe and Kicks

I've never really worn a bathrobe, except for brief larks at the fancy hotel but I quickly put it back, considering all the warnings on the coat hangers.

They seem awesome. I'm reminded now of The Dude and how comfortable he seemed in a bathrobe. But how much more awesome would it be in a Federation Bathrobe? An infinite amount, that's how much.

Both robes available at ThinkGeek. I'd be careful with the Red Robe, however. You're just begging for trouble.

I assume once you take the bathrobe off for the day - is it a weekday article of clothing? Or weekends only? You need some logical kicks. Why not Fed it up? Man.

Command colors, the kind of color that says "Hey, you, green alien babe, what are you doing tonight?"

Starship Design

Know what time it is? Bird of Prey past Cardassian Galor. Sweet freaking clock!

A ship for any situation.

I don't really drink Bloodwine, but by Kahless I would with such a corkscrew.

There appears to be FOUR LIGHTS.

Now that's some quality craftsmanship. Engage your beverage here, boldly!