FREEDOM down the barrel of a gun

Fun fact to learn and share: FREEDOM literally comes from the barrel of a gun. Every time a gun is fired, FREEDOM emerges and gathers about us.

If we ban or restrict guns, we ban and restrict FREEDOM.

Don't you see? It's so simple.

The FOUNDING FATHERS knew this in their HEAVENLY SOULS, and gave us the SECOND AMENDMENT, praise JESUS.

into the dust bin

Sigh. Communism. How I miss you. Look here at this cold hard logic. It was scientists who sent monkeys into space, not Jesus.

It is the working class who built the factories and the buildings, the tractors and trucks. It is people who build our cities and monuments, not Jesus. Not the spiritual and fiscal bourgeoisie.


Comrades!

Bustin' Jesus

Jesus having risen from the dead puts him squarely in the Ghostbustin' category, and fair game for entrapment.

But even Ghost Busters get busted, one day. RIP to Harold Ramis, one of the funniest persons ever in the history of making jokes.

Know your Lord

Just in case you're confused, this friendly Tea Partier has a simple reminder. Of course, Jesus was the son of God and Allah is the Arabic word for God so in other words this Tea Partier is blaspheming.

And that's why it's great to be born again.

What Jesus wants

Since as we all know, the Jews of 33BCE Judea were blond, blue eyed, Aryan wonder boys. And this fine church going Southern lady will have none of this "Black" race in the Church of Christ, proper. Seems logical, from a biblical perspective.

Sense of his soul

As you might recall in long ago history, W. was the President of the US of A and was awesome. He was also total bro's with Vladimir Putin, and thus brought peace between the USSR and America. And he did it with the power of being Born Again. W. on Putin:

“I looked the man in the eye. I found him to be very straightforward and trustworthy. We had a very good dialogue. I was able to get a sense of his soul; a man deeply committed to his country and the best interests of his country.”

You see, once you get a sense of someone's soul, you're best buds, and will totally exchange information regarding TERROR.

We're Not Doomed (today and for the next few months at least)!

Suck it Teabags. Your attempt to destroy the world and usher in a thousand years of Republican Jesus failed (this time!). Try again in about 6-9 months, if you would, so we can properly remove your sorry asses from the US House of Representatives, and restore a measure of sanity to America, and the World.

Also, have a tree full of baby bears:

Ah, bear picking season. Best part of the Fall. The best part of WINNING!

Praise The Feathered Raptor Lord!

Raptor Lord is a harsh God, but fair. He only eats when He's hungry. Which, admittedly, is often. But running the Universe  - including monitoring and influencing every single sporting event in the Universe in case one player/side is more fawning over Raptor Lord - is hard work!

Praise be unto Him. ROAR!

All is forgiven, loser

I can't cast a stone - I don't know anyone who can. So who out there is throwing stones? Let's ask some questions!

American Jaysus

Old Jesus is what some wealthy holy roller says He is. He loves big cars, big houses, and big love for The Lord, amen!

And then instead of a cross as the main religious symbol, it could have been a handgun. Cuz Jesus loves handguns!

I'll admit to being a Godless Atheist and wishing for the end of Christian civilization, especially if the Christians are American Snake Handlers and other assorted crazy con men, and women. Big Bang bless America.

Thrall to a system

This is a terrible joke, and I apologize.

Have you heard about this? Read about this? Wolf Blitzer (what a name!) played Celebrity Jeopardy a few years back and was terrible. He doesn't know anything, apparently. But then, you don't need to know anything to host a long running news program on CNN, the most trusted name in news.

Imagine a world where the most avowed Christians are also the most hateful people possible. What if - just asking questions here - what if Satan had actually taken over Christianity, and all Christians are really working on behalf of The Dark Lord?

Ironic!

Prosperity Gospel!

Vader's Mother

Anakin's mother claimed to be a virgin. We'll never know for sure, just like with Mary, but why not, let's roll with it. Their sons are the Chosen Ones. Born to bring balance to the Force, whatever that means - what would "balance" mean, exactly? The Jedi never seem to ask.

A confession, maybe I've made it before, but who remembers? Not me. Anyways: I like Star Wars way more these days than Star Trek. For me, Trek died back in the 2000-2003 range, with terrible movies and ever worsening TV shows.

Star Wars certainly did not garner critical acclaim with its latest trilogy - the Prequel Trilogy (PT). But I loved it. I really do, so much I just read all the books, and then some other, related books. Reading Star Wars novels - a sure sign of a NERD.

But that's ok. I really enjoyed them, and aren't we here for joy? So to you, Internet, I proclaim loudly: I am a Jedi, unlike my Father before me!

Fun tease: Anakin has no Father, the Clone Troopers, who in the OT become the Storm Troopers, have no Mother. Deep stuff, man.

Through Freeper Eyes

You may have been taught that one of the founding principles of America was the separation of Church and State. You may also have been taught a concept called "The Melting Pot", wherein anyone in the world could become American. In fact, much of America's growth came from people moving here in hopes of a better life for themselves and their family - odds are, your family was one of them. It's even chiseled into the Statue of Liberty:

"Give me your tired, your poor,
your huddled masses, yearning to be free".

But you were wrong. You probably went to a PUBLIC SCHOOL, yes? Well, see, there's your problem. LIBERAL BRAINWASHING.

As any Real American knows (for Real American, read: White Conservative Male), America's a Christian Nation, we speak English, and all them swarthy bastards can go back to what ever hole they crawled out of.

FREEDOM! And Jesus, also too.

Black Jesus

Thought experiment: If Jesus were black, and was literally the Son of God, how many Christians would you find in the South?

Fuck yeah!

The New King James

Yeah, they should totally update the Bible for the 21st century and beyond. More pictures would be awesome, as well as Spiderman and friends. The movie rights would be huge.

Because that's why

A billion, trillion, gazillion stars, and God cares whether you masturbate or not. Laugh while you can.

Also:

Revelation.

Republican Jesus III

Republican Jesus hates poor people, because they are poor. Why are they poor, Jesus asks? Because they suck. So why would Republican Jesus care about homeless people, or handicapped people, or old folks with no relatives, and so on? Oh yeah, because they're EVIL.

Our side rules!

LOL Jesus IV

Know your meme! But seriously, every other person at an AA meeting starts their story this way - "This one time I got so hammered...." (or variant). It becomes a strange drug, and I think the body gets a little placebo drunk, even if stone sober.

Also, memes rule. I love them even though I know they're lame. It's like a brand new form of the joke - by that I mean one person getting another person to laugh intentionally. One wonders when the first joke was told, or even further back, when the first physical humor was displayed. I contend the first physical joke was the "tapping on the left shoulder when in truth you are standing on the right side, such that the tap-ee looks left to see no one, then right to see you!"

Still funny!

Hipster Jesus

Hipster Jesus is cool man. Check out the Chucks! He's got long hair, likes obscure music, and is great fun at parties. Join up!

But what if you were never cool? Is Hipster Jesus a front runner?

I better get to a cool church and find out!

We must protect this Bull!

You ain't gonna worship this sacred bull, buddy. Move along, pal, nothing to see here.

Brass balls!

24/7 protection by NYC's finest, except

When Christians want to unironically pray to their Golden Bull for the Resurrection of the economy in 2008. You know, for Jesus!

But like Jesus, they all died and rose from the dead. BRAINS, MORANS! Which led to the fences, of course. After all:

So no more of these pictures, alas!

Which really is no big loss - we've already got enough.