Teach them well

Might as well have a beer too. What's the diff? Little juggalo got to learn how to party early, you know?

Another juggalo Mom. Don't know what a juggalo is? GO NO FURTHER! Ask no more questions! Ignorance is bliss.

Like, better to know this never happened, right? And yet here we are. SPRING BREAK!!!! Not juggalos, as far as I can tell - I'm not an expert though. They have to be Americans, however - who else drinks Bud?

British Pub baby only drinks Bass.

Tips for Good Parenting

I'm surprised any baby survived the 1950's. Advice like "Eat Uranium!" and "Play with Tacks!" seems foolish nowadays. But who would dare question the Soda Pop Board of America back then?

Or the good folks at Marlboro. Surely a non-over-smoked Mom is a more loving Mom, better able to go about her tasks in the kitchen and elsewhere around the ranch house.

Mom of the year!

Plastic Bag Delivery

The baby is already dead, sadly. Way to go, stork! You didn't know plastic is a barrier to breathing? After how many years on the job? Alas.

Otherwise, cellophane is pretty magical shit. Just not for delivering babies.

I'm gonna eat you!

Back from the store with the ingredients specified in the recipe: One fresh baby.

Simmer for 37 minutes.

Then into the oven to bake for 53 minutes at 376 degrees F.

Serve in burrito form or

As a taco. A delicious baby taco.


But seriously, this a is a joke! Don't eat babies. They're our future - and so dang cute!

Party on

Party on, baby Garth! Party on, baby Wayne!

I remember enjoying "Wayne's World" immensely when it came out - funny stuff! I watched it recently and barely chuckled. Am I broken, or was the movie not very funny, past its time?

Party on, baby Kim Jong-il! May your son find temptation in western ways!

Have you seen "Team America:World Police"? If not, you should. Puppets! It's also hilarious, though I suppose I should guard that assessment, as it's been many years since I've seen it. Perhaps it, too, is no longer funny. Being old now and all.

Party on, baby redshirt. Though really that's a Captain Picard shirt, IE you're Captain, baby. Get a hold of yourself and get to the Bridge!

You see, TNG messed with the colors, making the Redshirts untouchable command types, rather than sacrificial Federation fodder. Roddenberry be praised!

I learned it from watching you!

There's only one place a kid this age learns to smoke. Mom and Dad. Though I suppose if you don't think smoking is bad, then who cares? But who thinks that? 1/4th of the world?

Raised in war, war is your teacher. Your Father and Uncles fighting, and dying. Blood on the streets. No power, no water, the burning Summer heat. What's a kid to think? That's the way it is, and shall forever be.

Also too, spare some change?

PBMF

Now, see, here's a kid who's having a blast, and no doubt will be the hell raising bad boy all girls come to love - can he be tamed? NO!

After his first arrest, I wonder if the parents will feel at all responsible?

The Happy Train

All aboard! And since you're on board with little choice of escape, might as well look happy on the ride - other folks won't like you, eventually, if you keep frownin'. No one wants to hang out with Debbie Downers. Don't be a Debbie Downer. Unless you are actually named Debbie Downer, in which case, do your thing, no offense intended. But seriously, your name must be difficult.

The Circle of Redshirt

Red alert! Female approaches! To battle stations!

And so a new Redshirt is brought into this cruel world, by accident. So many accidents, and by accident, we stumble forward, ever swelling in numbers. Safety in numbers, y'all.

Removal Fee

So you've touched the wire, and are, according to the sign, dead. Now they're gonna fine you $200? Who's going to pay that fine? Your estate?

Apropos, I had my sweet little Honda stolen right after 9/11, and once it was finally found, stripped, I ended up paying $300 - for a removal fee, a storage fee, and a disposal fee. I say to the guy taking the money, "My car got stolen and I have to pay $300. Does this seem fair to you?" He says, "Nope." I then paid him.

We're all just playing our parts, after all. What's your part?

Let me answer for you: Fodder. Make no mistake - you're here in service of someone else.

One Day

Probably, right? It's usually something stupid, and your last thought is "r u kiddin me?"

But rest assured, all Redshirts will die - and we're all Redshirts in the scheme of things. We'd like to think we're large and in charge but it's not true - we're all flotsam on cosmic waves.

So take cheer! We're all in this together, and have this wonderful time we call "Alive". Enjoy it while you can. For it is a fleeting gift.

Tombstone generator here.

No more time to prepare

RIP Batmans. Your vigilantism was an inspiration to us all.

But really, kids, Batman will die some day. As will most heroes, save the freaks - Superman prime among them. Immortals ain't right, I tells ya.

Not in comic books though, not permanently. There's always reboots and alternate universes. The Heroes of our mythology - Batman, Superman, Spiderman, etc - will live in our imaginations as long as they can engage our attention. If culture changes drastic enough, they could all fall by the wayside, into the dustbin of discarded Gods and Heroes, and truly then, Batman would be dead.

No spoilers here, by the way. I have no idea what's going on.

Joker Kick Flip

A real thing - Heath Ledger was a skater dude. So why not do some flips over Batman while on break? Always time to skate, Batbrah.

However, I am not a skater, so I would have to decline any offer of said skatage. I am not Batman, by the way, but Redshirt - and I value my health and life!

Big Wheel

Not the easiest way to get around town, but definitely one of the most EXTREME. And if that's your scene, then well, you're straight dope pimpin', man. To the max.

Workin' at the Circus

Another commute to work. Left turns are usually the worst. And drive thrus. Haters also too.

Wishes are hoarse

What we want and what we get are often far apart. Why? Many reasons, of course - like everything, since everything is connected to everything it gets complicated real quick - but perhaps prime among them are our delusions, about ourselves and our reality.

We might consider ourselves the wronged hero in a battle of epic proportions, when in fact we're just a shlub, making our way through this topsy turvey world one day at a time, like everyone else. So, here's a protip:  Scrutinize how much your beliefs are weighted by inner sanction, or actual, external fact. Challenge your own assumptions, about yourself. Science, in the personal.

Also:

Don't be crazy, in the "Sinners Gonna Burn in Hell" variety. There's better ways.

There's always better ways, and that is the path to our enlightenment.

Run Bro

Image macros, as they were once called, can be hilarious. This one conveys so much in so few bold letters. But this meme - bold letters, misspelled, over an image - will fade in time, like all memes. Replaced with what, though? Answer that, and be the leader of a new meme. And possibly sell your future startup for billions.

Bumper Sticker Bon Mots

I do. Do you? You should. It's healthy and natural! And organic. Low calorie also too.

Print it out on a sticker and adhere it to your car and/or truck and/or scooter and/or other vehicle of your choice - like a Segway maybe? That's what you can do in these miracle times - technology. It's awesome.

Geese gonna honk y'all.

Bumper Sticker Revelation

I bet he loves Jesus too. What Wingnut doesn't? Just a co-incidence, though. Right wing anger has nothing to do with Religion.

He really doesn't like Islam. Wonder why? Personal interaction with Muslims? Right wing brainwashing?

Also too, I had a revelation: I've come to appreciate dumb right wing bumper stickers. Anyone who would willingly put such stupidity and hate on their vehicles has a 98% probability of being dumb ass morans. Easy identification. And best to avoid morans whenever you can. Thanks, morans!

A CT Yankee on a Texas Ranch

It's in velvet. Glorious velvet art. So ironic! Just like a blue blood Yankee buying a ranch in Texas just before an election, and then selling it promptly when out of office. Ironic! Or is that co-incidental?

Intentionally over the top, it seems, if not on the mark. A so called Christian President launched a brutal war over lies and oh yeah, oil. And Daddy. And many people have died. And for what? So Saddam Hussein no longer keeps Iran in check.

Also too, just for sayin', if the Antichrist were real, wouldn't he come back as a seemingly devout Christian? Who would suspect 'em? Best disguise.

What an amazing feat to identify this fake head as that of W. How could you tell? But once it came out, yeah, that's him. Not cool, but I buy the producer's excuse - they bought a lot of Bush masks at a discount for use in special effects. However, that harmless logic was not enough for the Wingnuts, who howled with rage. GoT producers promptly went back and edited it out. Correct decision? I suppose - it is not cool to even hint at the death of any President. And if that's true, should it not be uncool to hint at the death of anyone? How about the Sept up there on a pike? Alas, no one rages for her.

Also as well - the Old Man brought up this shot as an example of "BOTH SIDES DO IT". My only reply was a shake of a head and a " you know it's a TV show and it was a prop, right?" But he's been infected with Foxitis, and the low fever is cooking his brain. So no, BOTH SIDES ARE JUST AS BAD.

I don't get it. How can you see it that way? It's not even close.

Both sides do it

You see? Because this photoshop was created, LIBERALS are as bad as noble Conservatives. Both sides do it, and in fact, Conservatives are just responding to LIBERAL SLANDERS. Sure, Conservative rule inevitably leads to the deaths of thousands and a continued decay of all that is good and sturdy. But, LIBERALS!

The fevered brain of the wingnut, insipid in its glowing hot hatred. You want to think of them as normal folk, because that's what you - an intelligent person - naturally wants to do. Respect. But hear me true - they're insane, and cannot be reasoned with. To them, W. was a Titan of awesome Presidenting, and OBAMER is a failure beyond description, beyond Carter. Even if the facts are completely opposite. Facts have no place in this brave new world order.

There's a pretend war (made real) on. Are you in?

Monsters among us

And yet, at this very moment, millions of Americans are lamenting the oppression of the evil OBAMER administration. Look here, and see their fears turned into horrible art - George Soros, the evil behind all evils, apparently, in the Wingnut fevered brain, feeding his minions, OBAMER! among them.

This is how Wingnuts see the world - as a terrible fantasy where they are forever the victims fighting back against the evil LIBERAL monsters.

IE stupid monsters, capable of anything. Monsters on all sides, nichtwar?

But there is still Truth, or closer approximations of it, and lies and ignorance.

Where do you stand? And if it's for Truth, then it's time you started pushing back against the forces of lies and ignorance.

Family

The Obamas. Aren't they beautiful? I'm so proud of our First Family I could go on and on - for reals. They are exemplary.

Amusingly, The Dark Lord Cheney ushered them into Imperial power. Little did he know - how evil is always defeated, by the way. From the most unlikely of places.

That's some serious fun happening right there, yes sir.

A man loved by children is 98% guaranteed cool and awesome. And this love you see here is what we all should be striving for, in both our families and in our respective greater spheres.

A chance

BHO is different than any President America has had in dozens of ways. These differences should be celebrated, but to a loud and sizable minority these differences are terrifying. Hence the wingnuts, among other reasons. But I say to thee, Wingnut - even if you don't agree with his policies, you must respect the man, his family, and the journey he has taken. Right?

70's Barry was cool. Choom Gang, represent.

It's true. One world, and we all want the same thing at root - peace for ourselves and our family. For our children.

Given a chance, a poor but loved child gained the most powerful position in the history of humanity - President of the US. This IS the American myth come true, and should be celebrated as such. Even if you don't agree with the policies. Though you're a moran if you don't.