Head Canon

"Head Canon" refers to the creation of an alternate universe of fictional characters that exists only in your head. Sometimes this hews close to the original work of fiction (for example, instead of the Emperor dying at the end of Jedi, in my "head canon", he lives), or sometimes is dramatically different.

Such as the wedding of Mrs. Doubtifre and Boba Fett, officiated by Batman.

Why?

Who knows. Just roll with it - it's the Internet, Danny.

Yay Bats!

Look at the development of a cute bat embryo! Or also, Bat See No Evil...

Aww! There are certain bats called "Flying Foxes". See why? And everyone loves foxes, right? Except chicken owners. But who loves chicken owners? No one, not really. They may love the eggs, but not the chickens.

Spacebat we salute you

Back when the US had a manned space program, a bat hitched a ride on one of the last flights. Hidden agenda? Secret mission? Suicidal devotion? Who's to say why bats do things - they are a mystery. But the Internet, of course, came up with some tributes to this brave bat.

Where were you the day that bold bat rocketed up into the sky?

He/She's with Laika, and all the other animals  - like space chimps - we shot into space and now orbit the Earth, forever.

Excelsior, our animal ambassadors!

Don't shed too many tears though, for these courageous animals knew what they were signing up for, and gladly accepted the risks. I mean, who doesn't want to go to space?

From a certain point of view

The Devil's Ring. Not as pretty as advertised.

You've been swimming in lies since the day you were born, no fault of your own.

Like the Arabian Batman.

A new light upon the world.

World's Finest

I just got the leaked script to 2015's "Superman and Batman". Apparently, the two will team up (with Robin) to stop some kids from illegally swimming.

Should be awesome.

A great disturbance in the Internet

You may have felt strange the other day, for reasons you couldn't explain. Let me: Ben Affleck was named as the new Batman, and nerds across the Internet screamed out in nerdy rage. It was epic, and one of the things I love best about the Internet - nerd panic.

But fret not, fellow nerds. Ben will be fine. Look at this history of Batman for proof:

As always, click for big. Pretty cool - Batman is by now an iconic hero in just about worldwide mythology. I'm a bit disappointed the 1940's TV movie shorts were not included, but alas. Check out the history of the Bat logos in more detail:

Modern mythology is wicked awesome, and if you've avoided it in the past, due to the nerd association, I would advise you to let go your embarassment, your pride, and dive in to the world of comics - the modern hero mythology of the 20th century, and going strong in the 21st.

As for Ben, he'll do fine. I worry about the overall focus of the movie (Superman and Batman) far more. I really enjoyed the new Superman movie and am disappointed it's not getting its own sequel, rather than sharing one with not just Batman, but a new Batman. Don't blame Ben. Blame D.C..

In the meantime, imagine the Batman of your dreams and how Affleck will ruin it for you.

May the Internet be with you.

BATGRU

For real - this is in the lobby of the Russian GRU. Kinda their NSA/CIA/MI/Unnamed spook agency/other agency of the global war machine. Batman's logo. Intentional? Unintentional? Ironic? Means something else? Who knows - Google it yourself! What do I look like, your Google servant? Having a Google servant would be pretty sweet, though, I admit.

Also, sick segue, right? You know where this is going.

Batfreud

All the heroes were involved in the war effort (WW2 only - the other wars, not so much), but as a nerd, I'd like to raise a quibble: If you've got Superman, Batman, and Robin on your side, instead of having them raise and harvest Victory Gardens you instead used them to, oh, I don't know. Kill Hitler? But alas! There are no real heroes. Just drawings, or words, or characters on a screen.

From the original Batman serial film series - 1949, yo! Batman and Robin. The baggy leotards are intimidating, yes? But still, 1949! These 15 short stories ran before the featured movie of the day.

It's interesting to note through art the changing of society's standards. All the tough guys from the early days of movies and tv look like [arnold]little girly men[/arnold]. No definition! Do they even lift?

When you're "Adam West" smooth, maybe you don't need to be jacked.

Your car needs to be, however. Gee whiz tools define the character.

And now consider the Batman mythos as underlined here - created in 1939, WW2 propaganda campaigns, and already with a film series in 1949. A popular TV series in the 60's. Also a wacky movie. Movies in the 80's - 10's. And so many, many comics. A myth is born before our eyes, and enters the Jungian collective - we all "get it", right? Rich playboy with tragic background fights evil using cool toys? It's an expression of our desire for fairness in a closed, controlled system that is not fair, in which we are mostly powerless. A modern hero, for modern times.

Batman also might be a symbol for revenge, but I leave that for you to judge, and also what it says about humanity if true.

No more time to prepare

RIP Batmans. Your vigilantism was an inspiration to us all.

But really, kids, Batman will die some day. As will most heroes, save the freaks - Superman prime among them. Immortals ain't right, I tells ya.

Not in comic books though, not permanently. There's always reboots and alternate universes. The Heroes of our mythology - Batman, Superman, Spiderman, etc - will live in our imaginations as long as they can engage our attention. If culture changes drastic enough, they could all fall by the wayside, into the dustbin of discarded Gods and Heroes, and truly then, Batman would be dead.

No spoilers here, by the way. I have no idea what's going on.

Joker Kick Flip

A real thing - Heath Ledger was a skater dude. So why not do some flips over Batman while on break? Always time to skate, Batbrah.

However, I am not a skater, so I would have to decline any offer of said skatage. I am not Batman, by the way, but Redshirt - and I value my health and life!

Signals

Never forget we are animals and despite our pretty minds we are still ruled, in large part, by our animal instincts. Hormones. Visual cues. Touch. Inputs into our brain no different than for any other mammal. And what are mammals but another form of gene carrier - life, by definition, is the transport vehicle of the Genes.

As such, boobies. Bat boobies, I suppose.

Also, the Griffith Observatory in LA. Science!

A Mid Life Nerd Crisis

The Chrysler Turbine Car, 55 of which were manufactured in Detroit in 1963. The car could run on almost any fuel, including, as I have just learned, tequila. Read here. As you'll also read in the Wiki, the car was shown at the awesome 1964 World's Fair.

My theory, based on nothing but my own speculation with no research: The CTC was the direct inspiration for this most awesome of cars:

Now, of course, the Batmobile (1966) is waaaaaay cooler. But you can see the resemblance in the rear, in the fins, and of course the gas turbine engine.

If'n I were one of them rich as Croesus Dot.Com UberNerds I'd take a stab at buying the Batmobile right about now, or at least building a replica. Then I'd be happy, for sure. Cuz everyone knows once you have the coolest car, you win. Game over, man.

If I also owned the "Han Frozen in Carbonite" sculpture I could truly proclaim myself KING OF THE NERDS.

But of course, that wouldn't be enough, would it? There'd always be some other ironic yet awesome collectible out there to obtain, or stop someone else from obtaining, because that's all this life really is, right? A neverending game? You'll never know the rules or the score or even the team colors, but you'll play all the same. What choice do you have? It's that or "Price is Right" Loser Music as you exit, stage left. And we shan't have that, amirite?

Time to prepare

So, there's a running super inside nerd joke regarding Batman, one that the various writers of the many Batman stories are in on: If given enough time to prepare, Batman can and will defeat any opponent. Any. Superman? No problem. Jesus? Sure. Robo-Jesus? HE'D FIND A WAY!

The point being, I take it, is that Batman's real power is his mind, and will, and ability to analyze a situation and best exploit it. A human power, in other words, rather than super powers.

He's still super, though. So don't kid yourselves, kids: Just putting on a mask will not grant you super-detective powers. Nor protect you from a charging bull.

Spot quiz: How would you deal with being caught with a bull in fairly tight quarters? You have time to prepare, so maybe you should think about it for a bit, before it happens to you (for ex: traveling through Europe, new age style - talking/texting on your iPhone - you mistakenly amble into Pamplona, full of bulls).

Also, too?

This guy's ready for a bull.

The Courtship of Bob "The Bat" Batarski

Bob Batarski, Class of 1984. A shop kid, Bob wasn't what you'd call "destined for great things", but he could fix any Ford engine laid before him. Considering, for example, the Pinto, this could be considered a "great thing", yeah?

Drunk on watermelon on a warm Summer day, anything could happen and sometimes a moment leads to a lifetime of commitment (or imprisonment).

Like with most things in this world, Bob likes it upside down.

Warning! Animal Anatomy ahoy! Only click through if you are prepared to see Bob laid out quite revealingly...

This Tube Nosed Fruit Bat finds your ideas intriguing

and wishes to subscribe to your newsletter.


Just this one, though. The rest of 'em think you're crazy.